wiscsober

When I visited my son this past spring he told me outright that he uses pot. When he took me to his home from the airport he excused himself saying he was going to smoke a bowl. I outright told him if he was going to do that he should bring me back to the airport and I'd fly home immediately. He said no he wouldn't so I stayed. But, for the two days I was there I pretty much knew that he smoked. We did have a good time and it was uneventful with no drinking, but I'm sure he smoked.

When I was 15 I flew to SF/Alameda to see my brother who was 25 . He was a Viet Nam vet. When we got to his apartment he asked if I smoked. I thought he meant cigarettes so I said yes. But he pulled out a joint and not wanting to cause trouble I said yes and that was the first time I smoked pot.

These days pot is legal in Washington and Colorado. I'm not sure how I should view my son smoking what is basically a legal drug. I do not know if he is an addict or not.

Is just because a drug is legal or not does that make the user an addict?

I smoked quite a bit of hashish and pot in my day but never felt it was a problem.

My son and I had a great time together but without saying or responding to my calls he doesn't want me to visit anymore.

I am conflicted as a parent.

There is a lot more I could write but I was hoping for any feedback with parents who have children smoking pot....thanks alot.

wiscsober

would like some replies

Soberpotamus

Hi Wiscsober, I'm not a parent and was never into pot really. But I wanted to respond anyway as I see you are eager for some feedback.

Eating, shopping and sex are some people's addictions, so I definitely don't believe that the legality of pot smoking has a thing to do with your son's use of it. But just because he is smoking doesnt mean he is addicted, obviously.

How do you know he no longer wants you to visit?

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wiscsober

I told him I'd like to visit by the end of year...and he didn't respond to my message. I asked a 2nd time with no msg. or call. The third time I said I'd like to visit and if he didn't respond I'd take it as a no. He hasn't msg. or called so I took the non-response as a no.

Soberpotamus

Might it be that he is either not getting your messages, or that he hasn't answered for some other reason?

Regardless, I am sorry you are worried about this. I hope you make contact with him soon and get things cleared up. Maybe he just needs time.

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DoubleBarrel

Maybe need to look at this from the other side.

You can't control what another adult does.

If it causes a problem to you, have clear boundaries.

If it doesn't, answer questions or give advice only if you are asked.

You set the rules in your own home, maybe that's why he doesn't want to come?

Sounds like his response was aloof, perhaps feels you are preaching.

It's gotta be really hard. My kids are still young. It has to be really hard to let go of that parental urge to fix things, and always tell them what's right and wrong, but it's just probably going to be alienating.

wiscsober

Yikes...thank you...I've alienated him for the past two decades...and I'm still doing it today.

pravchaw

Pot has had very negative consequences for my son. He is clearly addicted. Its similar to alcohol. Some people get addicted. Most don't. It is very individual. If your son is functional and productive I think its better to ignore his pot smoking.

meadowsis

There are a lot of legal substances or actions that can be abused. Alcohol is always the first that comes to mind.

Pot has never been an issue for me, I smoked it occasionally when I was younger, and then didn't. Always been a take it or leave it thing for me. If I was around someone for a few days who asked me not to smoke (or drink, or something like that for whatever reason), I would probably completely respect that and abstain....because I have no problem leaving these items behind.

I am curious as to why he had to still use secretly while you were there for a short time. Although, on the flip side, I do know that when I am around my father, I have used a glass of wine to unwind from the stress being around him causes.

He is an adult though, up to him to make his decisions in the end, good or bad.

Chino

If you'd like to spend more time with your son and don't want to be around him smoking, how about considering a hotel?

wiscsober

Yes I have thought this...and I'm pretty serious about getting a hotel.

PaperDolls

I feel conflicted about it too so I understand.

I have to look at it this way - Just like some people can drink alcohol responsibly, some can smoke pot responsibly. Unless it gets to a point that they aren't using responsibly, it's not really my business (if it's legal).

Let go and let God.