I have survived the summer after ending relationship with the addict
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I have survived the summer after ending relationship with the addict
I ended my 13 year relationship with an addict on Memorial Day weekend. Here it is Labor Day and I’ve survived and thrived a whole summer.
I no longer drive home from work with that pit in my stomach of coming home opening the door and finding him dead on the couch. I no longer walk on egg shells or pretend to detach from the condition I would witness him in. I no longer have to anticipate when he is coming down or running out of pills preparing myself to be his verbal punching bag. I no longer have to hear his manipulations about needing more money from me for utilities because he didn’t pay them but instead went to yet another new Dr to scam more pills. I no longer sleep with one eye open in fear of him burning down the apartment. I no longer feel the need to hide my car keys. I no longer feel responsible for his choices. I no longer feel like I am the glue holding him together. For I witnessed his exploding apart while I was still there so I was not the factor I had convenience myself I was.
I ended my relationship with a restraining order to keep his addict behavior away from me and allowed myself the well needed time to heal and move forward in life.
Today, I never have that pit in my stomach. I sleep 8 hours a night and never with my car keys under my pillow. I am not in the ideal living situation today but I trust that someday soon I will be. Life is good and I am enjoying it instead of tolerating it and holding onto hope that “he’ll get it and become the strong in recovery man I fell in love with”.
I will always be great full that this person was put into my life and showed me what recovery looks like. Showed me into the rooms of al-anon and taught me how to deal with my dad’s alcoholism. My own recovery was a slow process as my codependency kept getting in my way. Believing I was his only, believing the addicts manipulations, staying based on hope.
I pray a lot today, pray for his tortured soul and that one day he finds peace whether that be with god or through recovery and that no innocent people become victims on his path.
He has lost his job, his relationship, his beloved little cats, the support of his family and friends. The support of neighbors and counselors, pretty much anyone who was trying to help him has stepped away from this addict who still seeks the next high. He is facing 2 counts of DUI, wreck less driving, losing a rental car, his insurance dropping him, failure to appear in court and probably jail (hopefully jail).
I thank my hire power every single day that I am no longer tied to that downward spiral and most importantly that I no longer feel responsible or that I have any power to change it.
Like Glinda the good witch in the Wizard Of Oz says to Dorothy…..You have had the power all along to go home, you just didn’t know it.
We all have the power in us to leave an un-healthy situation at any time we wish………..we just need to accept that we do.
I wish I could tell those who are now beginning to walk in the shoes I walked 9 years ago when he first relapsed to not take as many steps that I took to just let go sooner rather than later but we all need to walk em, find it all out for ourselves.
I no longer drive home from work with that pit in my stomach of coming home opening the door and finding him dead on the couch. I no longer walk on egg shells or pretend to detach from the condition I would witness him in. I no longer have to anticipate when he is coming down or running out of pills preparing myself to be his verbal punching bag. I no longer have to hear his manipulations about needing more money from me for utilities because he didn’t pay them but instead went to yet another new Dr to scam more pills. I no longer sleep with one eye open in fear of him burning down the apartment. I no longer feel the need to hide my car keys. I no longer feel responsible for his choices. I no longer feel like I am the glue holding him together. For I witnessed his exploding apart while I was still there so I was not the factor I had convenience myself I was.
I ended my relationship with a restraining order to keep his addict behavior away from me and allowed myself the well needed time to heal and move forward in life.
Today, I never have that pit in my stomach. I sleep 8 hours a night and never with my car keys under my pillow. I am not in the ideal living situation today but I trust that someday soon I will be. Life is good and I am enjoying it instead of tolerating it and holding onto hope that “he’ll get it and become the strong in recovery man I fell in love with”.
I will always be great full that this person was put into my life and showed me what recovery looks like. Showed me into the rooms of al-anon and taught me how to deal with my dad’s alcoholism. My own recovery was a slow process as my codependency kept getting in my way. Believing I was his only, believing the addicts manipulations, staying based on hope.
I pray a lot today, pray for his tortured soul and that one day he finds peace whether that be with god or through recovery and that no innocent people become victims on his path.
He has lost his job, his relationship, his beloved little cats, the support of his family and friends. The support of neighbors and counselors, pretty much anyone who was trying to help him has stepped away from this addict who still seeks the next high. He is facing 2 counts of DUI, wreck less driving, losing a rental car, his insurance dropping him, failure to appear in court and probably jail (hopefully jail).
I thank my hire power every single day that I am no longer tied to that downward spiral and most importantly that I no longer feel responsible or that I have any power to change it.
Like Glinda the good witch in the Wizard Of Oz says to Dorothy…..You have had the power all along to go home, you just didn’t know it.
We all have the power in us to leave an un-healthy situation at any time we wish………..we just need to accept that we do.
I wish I could tell those who are now beginning to walk in the shoes I walked 9 years ago when he first relapsed to not take as many steps that I took to just let go sooner rather than later but we all need to walk em, find it all out for ourselves.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Wonderful, inspiring post, atalose, I`m so glad your life is better today.
Sometimes we get so lost in our codependency that the way we are living begins to feel "normal" when it fact it just keeps making us sicker and sicker each day.
Nobody else holds the key to our happiness except we ourselves, we've held it all along. It just takes a while to see that I think.
I'm glad you found your key and unlocked the door to better days ahead.
Thank you so much for coming and sharing. You are a beacon of hope to those who still struggle.
Hugs and Hugs
Sometimes we get so lost in our codependency that the way we are living begins to feel "normal" when it fact it just keeps making us sicker and sicker each day.
Nobody else holds the key to our happiness except we ourselves, we've held it all along. It just takes a while to see that I think.
I'm glad you found your key and unlocked the door to better days ahead.
Thank you so much for coming and sharing. You are a beacon of hope to those who still struggle.
Hugs and Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Originally Posted by atalose 
Like Glinda the good witch in the Wizard Of Oz says to Dorothy…..You have had the power all along to go home, you just didn’t know it. We all have the power in us to leave an un-healthy situation at any time we wish………..we just need to accept that we do.
Kudos to you! Thanks for the post.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 34
Hallelujah! I did the same thing this summer. Left the same kind of situation and I am giving thanks for the same things. Thank you for sharing this and hooray for our strength and personal power!
I don't know why I stayed for so long or why I didn't think it was odd that I slept with my car keys under my pillow, my wallet hidden... or odd that every day I would look at him to make sure he was still breathing when passed out on the couch. At least I finally woke up and did it. Now my son is having less anxiety and I can sleep through the night without wondering if his dad is alive or dead. Thank God for detachment and for finding our own strength.
I don't know why I stayed for so long or why I didn't think it was odd that I slept with my car keys under my pillow, my wallet hidden... or odd that every day I would look at him to make sure he was still breathing when passed out on the couch. At least I finally woke up and did it. Now my son is having less anxiety and I can sleep through the night without wondering if his dad is alive or dead. Thank God for detachment and for finding our own strength.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: In bizarroworld
Posts: 94
I could have written your story, although I was miserable and depressed all summer but Im getting better. After 9 months apart and lots of time to reflect, Im ready to let him go so I can live mine. So weird, after 5 years, to not have him around. And to not be in a crazy, chaotic panic, always lied to or put last.
Good luck to us all! :-)
Good luck to us all! :-)
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