Do I tell our landlord??
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Do I tell our landlord??
Need some quick feedback please!!
My downstairs neighbor confided in me that she has relapsed and is planning to enter rehab. Her DOC is heroin, and she had been 5 years clean, according to her. She wants to try detoxing at home, since the rehab she prefers needs her "clean" to accept her.
I have two young daughters; one lives with me full time, the other is at her dad's part time. I am worried about something happening to the property, and to us, such as a fire starting in her kitchen if she passes out with stove on, etc. There have already been some weird behaviors, like watering the whole front of our duplex with a garden hose turned on high, which ruined my entry carpet. Can only imagine what's next.
My ex husband thinks it's invasion of her privacy. I think she forfeited her privacy.
Please, your thoughts would be most welcome!
SQ
My downstairs neighbor confided in me that she has relapsed and is planning to enter rehab. Her DOC is heroin, and she had been 5 years clean, according to her. She wants to try detoxing at home, since the rehab she prefers needs her "clean" to accept her.
I have two young daughters; one lives with me full time, the other is at her dad's part time. I am worried about something happening to the property, and to us, such as a fire starting in her kitchen if she passes out with stove on, etc. There have already been some weird behaviors, like watering the whole front of our duplex with a garden hose turned on high, which ruined my entry carpet. Can only imagine what's next.
My ex husband thinks it's invasion of her privacy. I think she forfeited her privacy.
Please, your thoughts would be most welcome!
SQ
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I've never done heroin but I think you're more in danger of her nodding off when she;s using, not when she's trying to get clean.
I understand you have your kids to think of, but personally I don't think this requires you to tell the landlord anything.
D
I understand you have your kids to think of, but personally I don't think this requires you to tell the landlord anything.
D
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I think she trusted you with what is going on in her life and is obviously trying to get better. Gossiping with the landlord would be a breach of trust and privacy, no one likes a backstabber or like we say in Al Anon: "Mind your own business".
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Originally Posted by Carlotta 
I think she trusted you with what is going on in her life and is obviously trying to get better. Gossiping with the landlord would be a breach of trust and privacy, no one likes a backstabber or like we say in Al Anon: "Mind your own business".
Am struggling mostly with possibly being held liable (she has already damaged the property we share), and my daughter's and my safety...
Also, feeling very protective of my sanity around active addiction. I only recently finally ended things with my ABF! I *hate* the idea of my neighbor detoxing herself with who knows what consequences RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. I'm so afraid this crap is gonna get on me again.
Thanks for your feedback. And for letting me vent.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 81
I have a similar issue. The woman who lives downstairs from me is a drug addict. I also have 2 young children and was concerned at one point.
I once caught this neighbor smoking crack with my children's mother. I had their mother evicted from my home because of this. This woman still lives downstairs and it does bother me at times but what she does behind her closed door is none of my business. I debated with myself on whether or not to call the landlord and have decided not to.
If her behaviors spill outside her door and into my view Ill call the police. If I smell crack in the house Ill call the police.
Until something out of line happens, and my boundaries are crossed there's really not much I can say or do. It's been 2 years with her downstairs and thankfully not much has happened.
I once caught this neighbor smoking crack with my children's mother. I had their mother evicted from my home because of this. This woman still lives downstairs and it does bother me at times but what she does behind her closed door is none of my business. I debated with myself on whether or not to call the landlord and have decided not to.
If her behaviors spill outside her door and into my view Ill call the police. If I smell crack in the house Ill call the police.
Until something out of line happens, and my boundaries are crossed there's really not much I can say or do. It's been 2 years with her downstairs and thankfully not much has happened.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
If her behaviors spill outside her door and into my view Ill call the police. If I smell crack in the house Ill call the police.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
All this does not HAVE to be a big negative drama.
How long is she going to rehab for? Will she be able to maintain the rent and the apartment for that time? If not -- the Landlord is going to figure things out in a very adverse fashion, anyway.
Detox at home, by one's self is hardly a safe, sane option. She has no one to "babysit" her through the process, or even (do they still do this?) The Sallys? (Salvation Army)
How long is she going to rehab for? Will she be able to maintain the rent and the apartment for that time? If not -- the Landlord is going to figure things out in a very adverse fashion, anyway.
Detox at home, by one's self is hardly a safe, sane option. She has no one to "babysit" her through the process, or even (do they still do this?) The Sallys? (Salvation Army)
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree that detoxing at home is a bad idea, but that's not your issue here.
I think I would keep a heads up and if you sense trouble either check with her or make the call then.
She's trying to get clean, detox from heroin is a very terrible experience and not everyone makes it, some just can't take it and use. I pray she makes it and goes to rehab.
If her actions affect your relationship with the landlord, through property damage, drugs on the premises or personal fear, then I would report her. Or if you think she is in danger. Otherwise, I would go about my own business and say a prayer for her.
Hugs
I think I would keep a heads up and if you sense trouble either check with her or make the call then.
She's trying to get clean, detox from heroin is a very terrible experience and not everyone makes it, some just can't take it and use. I pray she makes it and goes to rehab.
If her actions affect your relationship with the landlord, through property damage, drugs on the premises or personal fear, then I would report her. Or if you think she is in danger. Otherwise, I would go about my own business and say a prayer for her.
Hugs
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
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Originally Posted by drc5426
This woman still lives downstairs and it does bother me at times but what she does behind her closed door is none of my business. I debated with myself on whether or not to call the landlord and have decided not to.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by atalose
Curious, how did the landlord handle the incident where your carpet got ruined by her using the hose?
He only acquired the property last November, I just moved here in Feb. I think we are both on the same learning curve with this. I know he has trouble communicating with her, because he has asked me to give her messages at times.
****By the way, she also has a dog that bites (it bit the landlord, and my ex husband, and has bitten neighbors).*****
That is why my thought was to tell him about the rehab; not as a nasty gossip, but to inform him of the status of things, especially since he is out of town.
I am taking to heart all of your replies, thank you so much, everyone.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by spiderqueen
That is why my thought was to tell him about the rehab; not as a nasty gossip, but to inform him of the status of things, especially since he is out of town.
This is just decent behavior to someone who clearly treats you very decent.
Sort of a karma thing.
Otherwise you place your family at risk of greatly escalated chaos.
There is a Proverb -- The Fool's Companion Suffers Harm.
Means you do not even have to be part of stupid to be harmed by it. Just be near it. Or upstairs from it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 88
Not sure what the landlord could do if you told him.
He might be able to enter the property, but unsure what the regulations/contract are behind giving notice, etc. Unless she isn't paying rent or something along those lines, his hands might be tied. He cannot evict her or probably do much without some cause, and a neighbors statement doesn't hold much weight.
On the flip side, if he knows there is brewing trouble, he can be more proactive and not let anything else 'slide' so to speak.
I think you just need to keep your eyes/ears peeled, and contact the appropriate party if necessary.
He might be able to enter the property, but unsure what the regulations/contract are behind giving notice, etc. Unless she isn't paying rent or something along those lines, his hands might be tied. He cannot evict her or probably do much without some cause, and a neighbors statement doesn't hold much weight.
On the flip side, if he knows there is brewing trouble, he can be more proactive and not let anything else 'slide' so to speak.
I think you just need to keep your eyes/ears peeled, and contact the appropriate party if necessary.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
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Originally Posted by meadowsis
He might be able to enter the property
Unless she isn't paying rent or something along those lines
a landlord should never a rental property
unless there is an emergency
such as
fire, water running under the front door due to a broken water pipe etc
the courts frown on this
not paying rent is also not an excuses to enter
unless a 30 written notice has been given
not even sure if that would cover it ??
I have been the landlord of many units and homes
Mountainman
unless there is an emergency
such as
fire, water running under the front door due to a broken water pipe etc
the courts frown on this
not paying rent is also not an excuses to enter
unless a 30 written notice has been given
not even sure if that would cover it ??
I have been the landlord of many units and homes
Mountainman
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
A quick update:
I spoke with the landlord yesterday because I am coordinating the repairs from my neighbor's bizarre behavior. Without me saying a word about it, he informed me that he is going to be giving my neighbor ample notice (apparently she's on a month to month lease) and then moving in to the lower unit himself in a few months when his out of town job is finished!
He said he was aware that her health was "frail", and he planned to give her plenty of time to figure out her next move.
Partly I am hugely relieved, but my inner-codie is all worried about her now - where will she live? How will she manage!?
Anyway, thank you all again, for your thoughtful posts - I felt like you were all there with me when he called yesterday. It really helped me have a calm conversation, where he did most of the talking, and I was able to avoid the rehab subject totally.
You guys are the best.
SQ
I spoke with the landlord yesterday because I am coordinating the repairs from my neighbor's bizarre behavior. Without me saying a word about it, he informed me that he is going to be giving my neighbor ample notice (apparently she's on a month to month lease) and then moving in to the lower unit himself in a few months when his out of town job is finished!
He said he was aware that her health was "frail", and he planned to give her plenty of time to figure out her next move.
Partly I am hugely relieved, but my inner-codie is all worried about her now - where will she live? How will she manage!?
Anyway, thank you all again, for your thoughtful posts - I felt like you were all there with me when he called yesterday. It really helped me have a calm conversation, where he did most of the talking, and I was able to avoid the rehab subject totally.
You guys are the best.
SQ
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