KeepinItReal

Oxi and heroin are essentially the same. The link I posted were ways to help him detox at home safely. My husband is a criminal and a heroin addict. I'm still going to wish blessings on you and your family. Sorry for offending you. I will try to never compare again. Peace.

allforcnm

I had never seen this site before, thanks for sharing it. Had a lot of good info in it.

msjeckyll

actually, you didn't offend me. that link you sent me was very informative, and i've been gathering all sorts of information to explain to him how this drug affects his entire self, not just his "physical" side. his mental side as well.

i've compared heroin and oxy for quite a while now. so, its really okay that you made that comparison.

the only reason why i was offended by any of the posts in regards to this is because of the welfare of my children. I put them first and foremost in all things. I do take offense to people telling me what a terrible thing i am doing. I just wish they would consider all the situation before they are so quick to pass judgement to that degree. but, i cannot pass my own judgement on them for that. they are only working with what they know, not the entire situation. not everyone gets to experience things the same way.


NOW FOR AN UPDATE

last night was a little rough, but nothing too bad. he had some general anxiety, but no really bad tremors or shakes. Since he is so pro-active about getting off of this medication, he is coping through the physical bits. as he said, he really feels pretty decent. he took the dog for a walk just to get some of the anxiety out, and he kept up with the 5-htp to help things along. I don't think i can buy gatorade as fast as he drinks it, but thats not a complaint.

now, the emotional side of this is where things get kinda hard. the kids and i had things to do last night, as i mentioned, and when we got home, he was playing some video games as he normally would around that time of night. He asked the kids about school, i went in and made him some eggs and he took the melatonin to start getting himself ready for bed. kids went to take their showers and he and i had a small talk behind closed bedroom door just to see how he was feeling, talk about some things, and i read him the post about the brain and addiction that i found here. (incredibly helpful and educational stuff, btw.) we talked about his plan. He gets weepy easily. tears flow without even trying to, but...(and this might sound mean) its good to see him show ANY emotion, even if it is depressed.

he slept for a good 5 hours, woke up, went to the bathroom, smoked a cig, and went back to bed for another 3 hours of sleep. this morning i took him to his doctors appointment. He wanted me there so i could help him to explain what all we've been doing (his memory is a little foggy right now) and ask the doctor for advice. He is no longer seeing the doctor that put him on that medication to start with, we've transferred him over to someone i have known for years, and who has handled alot of my medical stuff. He was in really good spirits. weighed in at 165 pounds (nearly 20 pounds underweight). his blood pressure was decent. He told the doctor that he took himself off these medications. that we needed a new plan. something to help with what conditions he originally needed the pain meds for (i can't remember the actual name of it, but it deals with the vascular system and his feet...most diabetics suffer from it, but there are TONS of ways to cope without narcotics).

The doctors first plan of action was to deal with the emotional withdrawal side. she supported his decision whole heartedly and patted him on the back for making that decision. He was prescribed Celexa for depression (something he's probably needed for years and years), Ativan for the first week or so for his anxiety. And Buspar to deal with his anxiety for a longer term. he's always had anxiety and i know he's always struggled with depression but never wanted to actually deal with it. He goes back in 10 days for his follow up. She's very positive for him and thinks he's doing an amazing job so far (meaning she hasn't seen him in the ER over all of it, so she was patting him on the back for that too).

all of this situation coming about has made his mother and i become pretty close. I've been given alot of back history on his family that i didn't know at all, including the panic disorders that run in his blood line, the OCD that his brother has, and she has as well, and the types of medication that they've been on to deal with that.

Since he was raised by his dad after mom/dad got divorced, he wasn't exposed to most of this information. His brother was raised in a different household, but still has some of the same mental issues that he does. Its interesting to find out how much of an influence your genetics really have on your life, even when you think they don't.

I'm not saying that i'm comfortable just yet. because i'm not. i'm still waiting for the floor to crash out from underneath me. But living this one day at a time, watching his resolve be so strong, and seeing him take interest in the things i have learned on this site...its nice. Not everyone can have this attitude in them when they decide to quit. Not everyone can understand the science behind the human brain and how it works. I know that if he didn't want it that bad, he would be crawling the walls right now. but he isn't. He has off work til the 30th. His boss said he could have more time if he needed, but...he's pretty positive he'll be ready to start doing something, even if its reduced hours. (he's a superintendent of a really big company that cares deeply about his health. they've been so very awesome in supporting his recovery, and i couldn't be more thankful for their support in all of this)

He does want to start in group or find an AA/NA group around here soon. he just wants to get over the "icky" feeling before he spends too much time in public.

one day at a time. and today, today we celebrate day 3. onward and forward.

LoveMeNow

I, too, have seen my husband go through withdrawals from pain pills (originally prescribed until)...on my couch. I am amazed at how much your husband is able to sleep. It took my weeks before he could sleep even few hours straight.

I, also, remember one time, he made huge strides in less then 24 hrs.....because he had bought a "few." Of course, I had no idea because I had no experience with addiction and withdrawals so I was easy to fool.

There are many threads of opiate addicts documenting their daily struggles of withdrawing. If you want to stay enmeshed in his problem, then I would seek more information.

The one thing I have learned about an addict......is I wouldn't put anything past them. It's not personal, it's just how the disease operates and thrives. Cunning, baffling and extremely powerful.

Zebrapop

I am sorry you too are going thru this hell. I wish I left a long time ago. I think letting him hit the bottom hard then would have made a difference. Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes. It was harder to stay than to walk away. Looking back. I will pray for you....

Zebrapop

I did not see your updates. I'm glad things are going in the right direction. Keeping you in my thoughts.

jjj111

Msjeckyll, thanks for this update on how your husband is doing. I am wondering how YOU are doing? How does it feel putting so much energy into his recovery? Are there things you'd rather be doing, or do you feel like you owe him this? It must be very exciting for him to have three days of recovery. When do you get to start your recovery? What would your recovery mean to you?

zoso77

I'm late to this party, so let me throw my $0.02 in. I read your initial post from last month, and then I read this from two days ago:

I'm not about to tell you to not have hope. Hope is a good thing. But my "hope" for you is that it's tempered with the cold reality that it's not that simple. Addiction to opiates, to be blunt, is a motherf**ker. The euphoria that comes when one is schwacked on opiates is not be underestimated. Nor is the difficulty of coming off of them, otherwise known as Acute Post Withdrawl Syndrome. My clinician is an expert on addiction and works as a LICSW on a psych unit at a local hospital, and she has told me that only one out of ten patients admitted for addiction issues find lasting recovery. And abstaining from drugs is only part of the process your husband will have to undergo.

Buckle up, because it's a hell of a ride.

I will leave you with an observation. Part of the experience of SR is the collective experience of our members. Some of us are addicts in recovery that have done an awful lot of hard work to get honest with themselves. Others are parents of addicts who have watched helplessly as their children slowly destroyed themselves by using drugs, and they've had to make some of the most difficult decisions one can make in order to protect their sanity. And then there's guys like me who had girlfriends that were addicts and went through hell with them before finally getting away from it. We are all here to support you. We all feel for you and your children. My hope for you is that you integrate our collective experience so that you can make an informed decision on how you and your children can get through this difficult time without too much damage. She can speak for herself, but AnvilHead's intentions are the very best, and her observations about addiction and its pernicious effects on all concerned are, more often than not, right on the mark. Keep an open mind during your time here.

And if you need to vent, you can always PM me.

Keep us posted as to how you're doing.

ZoSo

msjeckyll

oh, dear...i'm not really putting ANY energy into his recovery. reading passages from other addicts here on SR is something i would do anyway. I mean, i read constantly. i love learning new things. i am putting energy into my kids, because, honestly...they are the ones that truly need me. He doesn't "need" me. he's a grown ass adult...although i did take off work to go to his doctors appointment with him this morning, I didn't consider that too energy consuming.

I made a dream catcher last night, from start to finish. I haven't had much patience to actually finish anything on my own. I spend more time and energy in my kids than i do in him. I think i spent way more time researching all the physical things my mom went through during her brain surgery and neck surgery than i have spent on his problem at all. I spent years capping my moms herbs, researching her medication, giving her reflexology treatments, and watching her struggle with her own coming off of narcotic medication. She lost 5 vertebra in her neck (replaced with titanium cages stuffed with cadaver bone) and was put on some pretty heavy medication. Since then, she lost almost all feeling in her feet and lower legs because her nerves are dying. she refuses to do what every doctor, every pain management clinic, and her MS clinic tells her to do, which is to get back on the narcotics. as far as she's concerned, she'd rather feel pain than to live that hell.

I am doing what i want to be doing. I normally cook dinner, so therefore, cooking dinner isn't a big deal. I normally do all the homework time with the kids, so again..nothing has changed. I am an artist and a photographer, so i busy myself with all of that. i have been preparing for the next art walk downtown, as my artwork is selling and i'm very proud of that accomplishment. Now if someone would just come clean the house and fold the laundry for me, because i'm really tired of those chores...we'd be good.

the thing about his addiction is, it was HIS. i let it be HIS. i can no more control him than i can the weather. and that is the way life should be. I have years of therapy under my belt, and considering my own mental health, i made great strides becoming as independent in the last 6 or so years. My car is in my own name only, my bank account the same way.I have friends i have dinner with, and i have a wonderful family to hang out with as well. He has always known that my life does not depend nor revolve around him. finding that you do not owe your time to anyone is a nice feeling.

I have a long way to go on my own to deal with some of the issues i have, that stem from my childhood on through to my adult hood. some of this is self induced, but most of it is environmental, and i just lacked the tools to deal with it. Luckily with therapy and realization, i am growing every day. for the first time in my life, i am almost normal weight (i've always been underweight), i cook almost every night but one, and i have a plan for MY life. if he makes it, then good for him. if not? oh well. I can move along. I have ways to be happy, and everyday i remind myself of them. i should tell my own story here sometime so that perhaps i can find common ground with other people.

when do i start my recovery? my recovery started years ago. when will i be recovered? never. we are human beings. a constant work in progress. Should i be happy for him? yes. i should, as i am proud of everyone who resolves to make a change and actually follows through with it.

I won't be spending my saved up money any time soon. its staying there so i can feel safe knowing that i can afford first months rent on a place should this not continue on this path.

i am a work in progress.

bluebelle

I understand that you are a strong person who has gone through a lot!! You've accomplished many things and have worked hard to reach your goals. That is great!! Did you do that work, or did somebody else do it for you? The reason why I'm asking is because it is important to understand that your husband's recovery work is his own. You can't lighten his load. You can't tell him how to do it. All of the research is stuff that he needs to do himself. If he wants to get clean, he needs to talk to the doctor. He needs to research how to be clean. There is no reason why a grown man can't take himself to the doctor and talk to the doctor by himself. Why do you need to be there? Are you afraid that if you are not there, he will end up asking for pain pills? Addiction is so cunning that you can't stop him if that is what he wants. Plus, this is his own battle. He has to fight it.

I've been on this site for awhile. I came here because my bf is addicted to pain pills. I have learned over time that this is his battle. At the beginning, I tried sending him articles. I bought him recovery books. I told him who to call for counseling.

None of it worked.

It turns out, I'm not my bf's higher power. I do not know what is best for him. I cannot fight this battle for him.

Detox is just a small part of the battle. It is just the very beginning. Addiction recovery is so much more than detox.

Cynical One has a wonderful blog with lots of information for families of addicts. I also recommend Codependent No More and the stickies at the top of this page. Remember the three c's: you can't control his addiction, you didn't cause it, and you can't cure it.

One of the best advice I've seen on this site is: work the recovery that you want your loved one to work.

I'm glad you are hear sharing your story. This is a wonderful site. I have learned a lot over the years that I've been here. It has helped me with my recovery from codependency (by the way, I have much, much more work to do). There are so many knowledgeable, experienced people here.

Txhelp

You sound like a level-headed strong woman. I pray that he detoxes and progresses on the road of recovery. It sounds like you already know what to do if he chooses not to do so.

Hugs to you!

BlueChair

Im not sure why all the negativity towards the teamwork going on. You are a family right? The family therapist that we started working with tells us that we are a team, and we can get through this together, or we can let whats happened divide and conquer us. I understand that our husbands have their own work to do, because well in my husbands case there are issues he needs to work on inside, so he can keep from using again when things in life get rough. But the rest of it, I dont know I feel like its ok to lean on your partner, and do things to help them in certain ways when they are trying to get better.
I wish my husband would have done what yours is doing, and told me what was going on and asked for help before he lost complete control. Im proud of my husband now for working in rehab, and I think you have a right to be proud of yours too. Someone was telling me something like they are telling you, that I need to fill this hole I have, but I dont feel like I have a hole in my life, because I have my own life, just like your explaining about yourself. But there is this break in the connection, not knowing what will happen. Sure we can prepare for the worst, but I dont think we can live each moment expecting the worst to happen, how does that help?

You made a dream catcher last night - Have you ever made a capiz shell chandelier? I am going to take it on with the help of one of my friends. Im picking out shells to order online, and looking up DIY online.

I think we will get through this if we keep our heads on straight. Least I hope so, that and a little help from our friends and family.

msjeckyll

yes. we are a family. and yes. we are a team. THANK YOU FOR SEEING AND SAYING THAT!!!! we can be stronger together!

i have never made one of those chandeliers. I'll go look it up. maybe we can both try it out and post our results.

if you ever want to talk, or need someone to connect with... feel free to PM me. i am happy to hear i'm not the only one that believes that a little stability for the addict isn't the worst thing in their lives. I wish you and your husband the best of luck. its a long road, but... what journey that is memorable isn't a long one?

LoveMeNow

Yes, addiction is truly about family. It's a family disease and most become as sick as the addicted one without help.

LoveMeNow

My denial and fear about myself and my husband kept me stuck. I hated so many of the responses I got when I first joined. "They didn't know me, my husband or my life." We were special or as they say "terminally unique." We were going to beat this together and live happily ever after. I am sorry to say - like most, it just didn't happen. The cycle of relapse, withdrawal, clean continued.

I found this and perhaps it may help you understand more about yourself because the only person you truly can help change is yourself.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...on-addict.html

I hope your story is different then most of the others, if not all. The best thing about all of this....*I* started to love myself with a whole new, healthy way of thinking.

AnvilheadII

we CAN be stronger together, if we BOTH desire to get stronger, better. addiction messes with that....one of US is more obsessed with the getting using and finding ways to get MORE. not more family, not more time with the wife, more DRUGS.

you are now seeing him 3 days off heavy duty drugs. he's also now been given preseciptions from his doctor for MORE drugs. remember, you said emphatically this started because a doctor prescribed him drugs. now? he gets more. will they help? maybe. as that buffer lifts, he still has to deal with his addiction, which is not just physical, nor just an issue of mind over matter.

I HOPE this is the last time you have to deal with this, see this, have it affect your life. I hope he is done.

BlueChair

THANK YOU. I will send you a PM

I have a link to a site where I was looking last night for the DIY project. It had step by step of how this person made theirs, but the design has to be changed some to fit where I need it. Its something I have been wanting to do for years and now seems like a good time, keep myself busy and creative.

allforcnm

Great update for Day 3 !

It sounds to me like you both have a good attitude as you enter into this. Its really good he went to the doctor, and it sounds like she is very good based on what you shared. I think its good he was given some meds to help him cope with the anxiety especially. I know it can be bad because my husband had a severe case early on. When our son would cry, you could physically see it was making him all jittery. So IMO, meds can be a blessing, as long as they are monitored properly and sounds like she is going to do this.

I think your doing great. Prayers Day 4 goes well for you both.

Curious, is it neuropathy he suffers from?

msjeckyll

its a vascular issue similar to that of a diabetic or elderly person, although he's only 34. his veins and nerves are too close to the surface of his skin. he gets large ulcerations on his feet and they bleed. the skin sticks to his socks, and when he takes them off, he peels off chunks of skin, exposing the already surfaced nerves. its not pretty.

between that and Osgood–Schlatter disease (Osgood) which has never gone away..they say healing time is 2-3 years, but he was diagnosed when he was 14, and its never gone away... he crawls on his hands and knees at his job alot, and...well..lets just say that aggravates the issue.

those are the 2 things that started him on the journey with pain medications.

on another note....
the medications prescribed to him yesterday for his anxiety and depression. Yes, its another drug. but let me point out a very important difference. they are not drugs meant for terminally ill people who wouldn't be alive long enough to find out the hell that oxycontin creates in the mind and body.

they are anti anxiety medications. antidepressants. monitored.

i'm so tired of the negative response to every positive thing i post here. if i wanted to sit and wallow in my problems, some of you would be excellent partners in misery.

Thank goodness for those of you that look at this subjectively. given what we are given, we don't always have the chance to help someone. I don't know how many of you would stop to give a dollar to a homeless man, regardless of his situation or how he ended up that way.

I am the person that turns around, runs to the drive-thru and orders that homeless man some dinner.

I am the person who donates yearly to the food bank for the less fortunate.

i am the person who adopts a child for christmas who wouldn't have a holiday if it weren't for the kindness of others.

i am the person who would give you the shirt off my back if it would benefit you in more ways than it did me.

I guess, my compassion goes deeper than just a selfish need to fill a void. not everyone asks for what is given to them. not everyone expects to be in the position they get into. and sometimes, just sometimes..if people were a little more compassionate with some of these fragile souls, they might not need to go through so much to get there.

but again..not everyone is the same. not everyone would even come close to benefiting from someone being compassionate towards their ILLNESS.

in other news... DAY 4

he is doing really well. had a rough nights sleep last night, he forgot to take the melatonin. (oh no. another "drug")...but, he kept his spirits high, ate what he could, and played a few video games. He showered, shaved his face, and cleaned up the bathroom. I'd say thats pretty damned good for day 4.

his dad came to pick him up and take his truck to get it worked on. Something he's been putting off, but a positive fix in whats been falling apart around us. He called and visited with a dentist about getting his bottom teeth fixed (they are all broken and rotting from poor nutrition as a child and lack of money, not to mention the medication issues) and he's starting a savings account to start saving for his teeth. (he's starting a savings account. a friggin savings account. OH MY GOSH!!!!)

He asked me why i wasn't acting more excited about all of this...if i wasn't happy about it. I told him i was really happy, but..i have to be guarded. He held my hand, told me he understood...and then asked me if i wanted some pudding from the kitchen because he was going to get some. (whoa)

honestly...this isn't easy. am i showing the good sides more than the bad? yes. why??? because..i want people to know...addicts and families of addicts...its a hard road...BUT. sometimes...just sometimes..you get a chance. don't be scared to take it. you never know what that chance could do to another persons life.

anyway..i'll see you all for day 5.

hellomynameis

How are you feeling? How are you doing? How are the kids taking all this in?