What non-drug crime has your qualifier commited?
 

Hello All: Someone on another post just happened to mention something that has confused me much about my own AS - that of silly crimes not related to drugs/alcohol in itself but yet has me scratching my head.

He did several gas-and-goes - for only $5 because he was broke.

Twice in six weeks, he got a ticket for no seatbelt - then refused to pay the tickets (the cops are just looking for my money). What should have originally been about $150 in ticket fees is now (8 years later) a revoked license, thousands of dollars in fees and fines, 3 weeks in jail, and threat of a felony charge if he is caught driving again.

My son has NEVER had an arrest or charge related to drugs - no DUI, nothing. Wait, - I take that back. At age 19 he was arrested for Minor In Possession (alcohol), but that is it.

Anybody else experience this?

Sojourner

Theft, but I consider that drug related.

new word for you
 

Y e t

I consider any crime my son was involved with a drug crime because he was probably high or trying to obtain drugs when committed. I am often amazed that he has no felony arrests. Just because he wasn't arrested for it though doesn't mean he didn't commit them.

With that said, the issues that have plagued him the most have been driving with license suspended, no insurance, cracked windshield (beyond just cracked).......he's currently paying off about $1200 in fines for those three things. He's spent more time in jail for those issues than another's.......go figure.

He has also used the same comments...."they just want money". "Cops are out to get me."
"The system keeps people locked in poverty." He didn't seem to put two and two together and failed to recognize his own part in the situations.

That's what drugs can do to the brain.......skew the thinking so radically that even that which seems obvious to anyone else is morphed into somebody else's fault.

gentle hugs
ke

Kindeyes - what you mentioned is what I mean- the horribly cracked windshield, driving with no insurance, etc. Someone on another post mentioned many charges for graffiti...

18 counts of graffiti. 2 on federal buildings. Because he was non-compliant with his probation for these charges he spent 4 months in PRISON. Minimum security but still. He does claim large "mural art" was his first addiction....And so it goes. And to not help matters 2 of the "injured parties" appreciated his work so much they didn't want it removed. Leading to the need for "more" of whatever feeling it brought up in him. I hope someday he can channel all of his creativity into a healthy endeavor.

I thought you might be referring to me....lol. Yes, it has left me shaking my head....looking like a bobble head in fact.

none but steal from me money and hide stuff luckily no police involved x

While it took awhile for my AB to be caught for drug related crimes, the things he kept getting in trouble for before were essentially related to his drug habits in the end. Expired tags on his vehicle, a single car accident with a reckless driving charge, parking tickets, speeding ticket, fines and penalties on unpaid bills and collections, missing traffic court........I would say all of that is drug related because A) he had no funds for anything BUT drugs, and B) he had no time for anything BUT drugs.

So my AB managed a great life with no real issues with the law or penalties until drugs came on the scene. All the petty junk he kept complaining was just 'bad luck' and folks 'out to get him', all went back to drugs. Having a conversation with him sometimes is like stepping out of reality....when they say drugs change how the mind works they aren't kidding.

I couldn't agree more; my own experience as an active addict mirrors this. I would only add that in my experience there are crimes I committed that while they might not be directly connected to the getting or using of drugs, they were connected to the addiction nonetheless.

While I certainly had a part in my treatment by authorities, often I was treated unfairly and that resulted in an adversarial relationship with the law. Some crimes were committed in pure defiance; others were committed because as my respect for authority declined, my decisions were based on my determinations and I no longer followed the law blindly.

Even today, I don't wear seatbelts for instance. The feeling of being tied down creates anxiety and distracts me making me unsafe. I jury rig the seatbelt and drape it over me making it appear that I am wearing it when I am not. In one state that I drive in occasionally, it is illegal to drink anything while driving - even water. I take a medication which has a side effect of giving me extreme dry mouth - I keep a water bottle as needed.

Anyway, I think my point is that many addicts, even in recovery, accept the consequences of getting caught breaking the law in small ways today (like speeding, seatbelts, etc.) but have lost respect for the law over the years from illegal beatings, planting evidence where there was none, harassment, etc. I have forgiven them for these and other transgressions, as I have forgiven myself for my own - but it has forever changed the way that I look at authority.

Forgive me if this isn't clear - I normally have the good sense to not post until after a cup of coffee.

Imho it's all addict behaviors. I spent some time in jail for something not drug related. However if I wasn't an addict I probably wouldn't have did what I did or be in the position I was in.

Theft, drug possession and his licence was taken away for DUI, and until now he hasn't been able to present himself to get it back because in his country they take surprise drug tests for an entire year before giving him the license back, and we all know that isn't happening.

It is interesting what sojourner and Kindeyes said, because my axbf also said that the police was out to get him and that they followed him until finally they could test him positive but that anyway he wasn't driving. Is it even possible that they take away your license for a DUI even if you are not the one driving? Is it even possible that police test you when you are just in the car? Anyway, I never believed that particular story and I guess that was the only time I didn't buy his lies.

And of course, when they caught him stealing or with drugs, it was also the dirty police being bad to him. It is crazy, like it was mentioned, that not even for that they want to take the responsability.

So in reading these responses, I can see why other people in my family or who know my AS (outside of his drug-using friends) think I am wrong when I say my son has an ongoing drug problem. The stupid, nonsensical things he has done (and continues to do) are not directly tied to a substance that anyone can see. Many in my family label the problem as "immaturity, laziness, just one of those do-nothing riffraff kind of people." Truthfully, I question myself sometimes about whether this is the right forum I should be on - although I have no idea what forum would be the right one.

None of my daughter's charges were ever drug charges....
But everything she did..was because of drugs.

If he has a drug problem, then yes.....this is the right forum. Plus SR doesn't have a Family of RiffRaff Lazy People Forum! lol. I find it interesting that some people can't make the connection between drug use and the behaviors and warped thinking that goes along with it. Sounds like denial. It's pretty common. They don't understand that addiction is a disease. They'd rather blame it on moral or character deficiencies. It is part of the problem unfortunately. Your son is lucky that he has a mom who "gets it".

gentle hugs
ke

Thanks for you kind response, Kindeyes. I feel that by putting that out there, the sharks will come out to blast me.

Here's the rub for me. Even when I had constant contact with my son years ago (he lived with me, stopped by, whatever), I can count on one hand the number of times I saw him high/drunk/under the influence or found evidence of anything. I have said for years that my son has a drug problem ONLY because of the screwy behavior and problems that he has... Since I no longer have contact with him, I have no clue what his drug/alcohol pattern is or even if it exists any more. I know he is living with the consequences of bad choices, and it makes sense to me that he is still using; but without confirmation, I really do find myself waffling.

It amazes me when I read the posts on here where the parent knows their adult child's drug of choice, when they last used, where they were at when they used, their drug use history, etc. My experience has been the total opposite.

I have been coming to this site for years, and for now this is where I belong. But I sometimes wonder if I will get a call from the hospital where a physician will tell me my son has a documented traumatic brain injury sustained years ago (from playing high school football, some fight he had been in, etc), and that is why he is the way he is. Sadly, that is a scenario that makes sense to me, also.

As a parent, you know what you know....trust your gut. I only know stuff about my son's drug use because I have seen him high many times (meth) and it's pretty obvious. I have witnessed him crashing and burning as he comes down from a multi-day run on the stuff. He has also been fairly open about his drug use with me. The behavior and thought process is the very obvious stuff though.........

A long time ago someone told me "Recovery looks like recovery, Addiction looks like addiction." Now that I've had the opportunity to see my son clean and sober for nine months, I can vouch for that statement. It is true.

I often wondered the same as you. I was concerned about mental illness, brain injury (bad car accident and severe beating he took a couple of years ago). Were these things the cause of the behavioral and thinking issues? But he is behaving and thinking very differently now. Recovery looks like recovery. I think your thoughts are very common. Mental illness is a big one that I hear a lot....is it addiction or mental illness or a combination of both? Unfortunately, from what I have witnessed....until the drug issue is removed for an extended period of time.....it's doggone difficult to tell the difference!

Regardless whether your son is currently using or not, there are great lessons I have learned that have helped me deal with life in general in Nar-Anon, therapy and right here on SR. It all has value. It's all about taking care of ourselves. It's all about losing the obsessive thinking, sleepless nights, and worry........and regaining our own lives.

gentle hugs
ke

ticket for speeding, ticket for dangerous driving, ticket for failing to yield to road sign, not paying child support, all in the last month

non felonies: riding public transportation without a ticket, not paying tickets (over 2400.00 in fines when adding the penalties!), lying about an accident (causing my insurance company to defend him in court)... Shoplifting...
All occured while he was in active addiction, not counting the burglary and grand theft in our home!
Drugs and Alcohol abuse are part of the lifestyle of disregarding all rules and authority in my opinion.