recognizing a problem
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by mich0020 
Thanks u so much to everyone! I honestly feel a lot better. Im so haooy I found this sight! I have yet to find someone I can talk to like this or get advise like this.
Update: lastnight he took my car and did a pump and go, about 1am this morning a cop was knocking at my door. I was at the police station until almost 3am. When we left I told him I was done and couldn't put up with this anymore and threw all his stuff out along with him. He sat here and banged on all my windows and doors wanting me to let him back in. I stayed strong and didn't I just ignored him. Idk where he is or how he will eat or anything today and its killing me but I want to stay strong this time and not let him come. Hopefully bc I have this new awesome suoport system I will stay strong!
Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful advise!
Update: lastnight he took my car and did a pump and go, about 1am this morning a cop was knocking at my door. I was at the police station until almost 3am. When we left I told him I was done and couldn't put up with this anymore and threw all his stuff out along with him. He sat here and banged on all my windows and doors wanting me to let him back in. I stayed strong and didn't I just ignored him. Idk where he is or how he will eat or anything today and its killing me but I want to stay strong this time and not let him come. Hopefully bc I have this new awesome suoport system I will stay strong!
Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful advise!
You are strong. You will continue to be strong. Believe it!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by mich0020
Thanks u so much to everyone! I honestly feel a lot better. Im so haooy I found this sight! I have yet to find someone I can talk to like this or get advise like this.
Update: lastnight he took my car and did a pump and go, about 1am this morning a cop was knocking at my door. I was at the police station until almost 3am. When we left I told him I was done and couldn't put up with this anymore and threw all his stuff out along with him. He sat here and banged on all my windows and doors wanting me to let him back in. I stayed strong and didn't I just ignored him. Idk where he is or how he will eat or anything today and its killing me but I want to stay strong this time and not let him come. Hopefully bc I have this new awesome suoport system I will stay strong!
Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful advise!
Update: lastnight he took my car and did a pump and go, about 1am this morning a cop was knocking at my door. I was at the police station until almost 3am. When we left I told him I was done and couldn't put up with this anymore and threw all his stuff out along with him. He sat here and banged on all my windows and doors wanting me to let him back in. I stayed strong and didn't I just ignored him. Idk where he is or how he will eat or anything today and its killing me but I want to stay strong this time and not let him come. Hopefully bc I have this new awesome suoport system I will stay strong!
Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful advise!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Your story isn't new. We read this same scenario here on SR with amazing regularity.
You have become a lifeline. An easy target for manipulation.....why? Because you're a nice person who loves him. You'll fall for all the nonsense that comes out of the mouth of someone in active addiction. Most of us have been there....done that.....we understand so please don't take that as a judgement. I was a "worst case scenario" when it came to codependent behaviors.
You've drawn a line in the sand now. Good for you! He's an adult and much more resourceful than you give him credit for. Now that you've established a boundary--hold it tight because if he's allowed to cross the boundary......it will continue....and the stakes get higher.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to live life like a five year old? No responsibilities. No job. We treat addicts like a five year old. And when the addict doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum like a five year old. That is very typical behavior. We treat them like they are incapable. We reinforce that message every day. That's our part in the disease of addiction.
Mich0020....as difficult as it is to think about someone being homeless....that experience saved my son's life. He was a low bottom addict and I was a low bottom codependent. What a disastrous combination.....for both of us. It took enormous courage and faith on my part to allow him the opportunity to be homeless. I loved him enough to let him go so that he could learn. I won't lie....it was very scary.....agonizing......but I'm grateful it happened. He's clean and sober today. How did I live through that 4-5 year period knowing that he was homeless and could die from this disease? I stopped trying to get him to get clean and I started focusing on what was healthy and "right" for me. I worked the program I wished HE would.....and I found strength, courage, and faith. I set boundaries. I got healthy and showed him that it could be done.
All of you and your loved ones will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
You have become a lifeline. An easy target for manipulation.....why? Because you're a nice person who loves him. You'll fall for all the nonsense that comes out of the mouth of someone in active addiction. Most of us have been there....done that.....we understand so please don't take that as a judgement. I was a "worst case scenario" when it came to codependent behaviors.
You've drawn a line in the sand now. Good for you! He's an adult and much more resourceful than you give him credit for. Now that you've established a boundary--hold it tight because if he's allowed to cross the boundary......it will continue....and the stakes get higher.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to live life like a five year old? No responsibilities. No job. We treat addicts like a five year old. And when the addict doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum like a five year old. That is very typical behavior. We treat them like they are incapable. We reinforce that message every day. That's our part in the disease of addiction.
No matter if its him or someone else I cant jus throw someone on the streets no one deserves that.
All of you and your loved ones will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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