BlueChair

Im feeling sort of down today and I think it is all the things that are ahead that I dont know how it will all turn out. I visited my husband in rehab over the weekend and he seemed to be in better mood than last weekend when it looked like it was withdrawal paws hitting him. We had a good time together and I told him that I had an opportunity for a work assignment this week that would take me out of town for a few days, maybe even until next Saturday and I might not get to see him until Sunday. He asked if this one person I sometimes work with would be going, and he isnt. But my husband acted like maybe I was keeping it from him to make him feel better or something. I think he finally believed me but I dont like to have to defend the truth or myself to him, and thats not how it normally is. I know in my head he only acted this way because he is in rehab and I am out living life much like normal. I know it hard for him thinking life is passing him by even though what he is doing is the most important thing right now. I have even thought I should not take the assignment for work but what does that do to help either of us? then I would feel guilty for not doing things that i need to do. Am I all mixed up, or is what Im thinking right? I guess I feel a mix of sad and guilt or something. Oh and I have counseling tomorrow for my first meeting alone, nervous about it.

KariSue

Why would it bother your husband if your co-worker was going or not?

Counseling can be wonderful as long as you have a counselor that you like. I found counseling to be a very good thing.

Kari

BlueChair

He acts like he is jealous which is crazy because I dont like to even be around this person, at work he is one of those people who talks too much and you cant end a conversation, he acts overly friendly to everyone, and its like he wants to get your help on things so if it goes wrong he can point the finger at you. i think its maybe he is thinking he is stuck there and this guy who he has met at a few work functions, and heard me complain about will be traveling with me or something. I think he thought I was not telling him the truth to protect his feelings or something. I think it all comes from him being away in rehab

cleaninLI

Hi bluechair,
Don't you dare give up this assignment and you better NOT feel guilty about it either! Your life still goes on, business as usual. Your husband made HIS choices now you need to make yours. I'm sure yours aren't going to land you in a rehab like your husbands did!

I do think your husband is probably feeling a tinge of jealousy towards your out-of-town assignment. I doubt it has anything to do with your coworker and everything to do with being stuck in a rehab. May the truth be told, he probably doesn't even know what he is feeling and why at this stage of recovery. Best thing for you to do is go on living your life normally and try not to take what he says too seriously, ok?

Don't worry about it... It's GOOD for his recovery to suffer some negative consequences. Perhaps he might think about those the next time he gets a trigger to go out for a run. Trust me, bluechair this is a good for him. It's called RELAPSE PREVENTION! By the way, try to have a good time.

BlueChair

thank you Cleanin, can I ask you about where you said he may not even know what he is feeling. His emotions and thoughts are all over the place your right about that, and I was wondering do you think certain drugs make it worse, or does it matter at all. He was using cocaine and injecting it, and then also using heroin. He was so bad off when he was found, and the doctors explained how all the drugs mess with the mind and the thinking, but I didnt ask if some are worse than others. He is better this week than last week though.

I know I have to keep living life and this work trip, I think people at work feel like it will be good for me to get away, they have been great to me and I was out a lot when he was in the hospital. He didnt ask me not to go or anything, but yeah the guilt comes in. Not even sure why really, like you said I havent done anything wrong, and Im doing my best to be there for him while he has time to recover. Everyone acts like I shouldnt even care about his feelings, some of my friends are angry at him, not forgiving yet.

I think I have to wrap my head around some things though, like the anger since he turned up has went away and I have trouble blaming him for this, but I also know he isnt exactly a victim to the drugs he was taking, not at first at least. Hes apologized a million times, but I dont know how deep he understands all of it right now. Maybe some questions I will ask about tomorrow when I have my session.

cleaninLI

Hi bluechair, yes when I said that I was referring to the fact that he has altered and damaged his brain. His emotions are all over the place and he probably doesn't really know how or why he is feeling a certain way. He might even be displaying behaviors that are totally out of character. The brain is extremely resilient and through time it will return to normal. I really can't answer that question about which drugs cause more damage. I would say that those and the way he took them must have caused damage. You said he was in pretty bad shape when you found him.

You know bluechair, I kind of wonder if you aren't still in shock. I'm no expert on that, but it seems I've read somewhere that emotions shut down when a person is in shock. Sort of like a defense mechanism. Perhaps some one on this forum knows something about that. That would explain why you are not sure how you feel about everything.

Well, You take care of you bluechair, and you need to not feel guilty about living your life.

allforcnm

I went back and read through some of your posts, and it seems like you have been through a lot of emotional trauma in a very short time. Even some of the things you have posted about might point to this - such as not sleeping well, and having nightmares. I hope you talk to the doctor at the counseling session about some of these things. I started working with a therapist when my husband went into rehab, and she was amazing. It might take a couple of sessions, but hopefully you will click with this person. If not, don't be afraid to look for another one to help you.

My husband was moody when he was early in rehab, I think it is very common. Its hard, but I would try not to take things he say too personally right now. I think its great your focusing on your work, and definitely go on the work assignment out of town.

BlueChair

Thanks for the replies, it does help to have people outside of my little world who understand about these type of things to talk to. My family and friends are a little biased I think, but they have all been so good to me through all this. I had my 1st counseling session yesterday and it went ok. I kept telling myself not to be nervous, and somehow I would get a few things out, but I talked a lot more than I thought and the doctor seemed very nice, understanding. I am going to start seeing her on a regular basis, and I feel good about it. She will be another person who I have on my side. After I had my session, I was able to have dinner with my husband while i was there. They have certain hours for visiting but they let me stay a little longer because by the time I got out of the session there wasnt that much time left. He was happy I went and I think relieved to know that I wasnt told to give up on him or anything like that. I do feel a little uneasy hearing many people here who talk about relapse after relapse, or someone who wont get help and that is scary for me. I mean how do I not get caught up in an unhealthy cycle like that? How does he? I am going on my trip for work leaving in the morning, and I am looking forward to it now. Im going to do a good job, and maybe have a tiny bit of free time just for me.

DecBaby

Blue Chair
That sounds great that you're taking this trip. Your husband numbed a lot of feelings while using and now being sober they come flooding back and no drugs to make them go away. I think it's great you're seeing a therapist and you like her. Time for yourself on your trip sounds great. I hope you get it.

mich0020

I believe yes he is only acting like that bc he is in there and he is jealous that u get to do whatever u want. Its not your fault he is in there so why should u suffer? U still need to take care of yourself and do things for yourself. U need to go on the work assignment he will understand one day, don't worrie so much about him he is in good hands. This is your time to better yourself and your not goin to do that by holding yourself back.