Relapse !! X2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Relapse !! X2
It's hard for me to deal with this time. What a shock!! Both my addicts have relapsed one after 1 year 10 months clean. The other after only a few months clean.
Even though I have thrown them both out many times before. it hurt worse this time! I am not sure why. Maybe it always hurts but so much progress and both of them were doing so well. No signs of drugs or addiction. But there was this gut feeling. There were job losses but had a new one in a few days. Nothing makes sense.
I found that my medicine box that is under lock and key had been broken into and that half of my prescription drug was taken. 15 pills and not an opiate were missing!!!!! I immediately sat down with both of them told them "I am not sure who or how but that one or both of them were responsible that I was going to my Nar-Anon meeting and by the time I get back I want the person responsible out of my house." (Round trip I would be gone for almost 3 hours.)
When I returned home both of them packed up and moved out.
It has been quiet and peaceful here but it has affected me. It is so hard to throw them out! It is so hard after so much accomplished, that they both had turned back to heroin.
I know that I had to do what I did. I know that it is a disease! But this time hurts worse than any time before !!!
Not sure why I am feeling so down about it this time.
Even though I have thrown them both out many times before. it hurt worse this time! I am not sure why. Maybe it always hurts but so much progress and both of them were doing so well. No signs of drugs or addiction. But there was this gut feeling. There were job losses but had a new one in a few days. Nothing makes sense.
I found that my medicine box that is under lock and key had been broken into and that half of my prescription drug was taken. 15 pills and not an opiate were missing!!!!! I immediately sat down with both of them told them "I am not sure who or how but that one or both of them were responsible that I was going to my Nar-Anon meeting and by the time I get back I want the person responsible out of my house." (Round trip I would be gone for almost 3 hours.)
When I returned home both of them packed up and moved out.
It has been quiet and peaceful here but it has affected me. It is so hard to throw them out! It is so hard after so much accomplished, that they both had turned back to heroin.
I know that I had to do what I did. I know that it is a disease! But this time hurts worse than any time before !!!
Not sure why I am feeling so down about it this time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There comes a time when we need to give it up or let go and this sounds like your time right now.
I know the pain, the tears, the disappointment and the fear. I know the sadness for what they have become and the futility of trying any further.
For me, that was the worst of times....but also the best because it is when I let go of trying to control my son's addiction and left it between him and God.
They know where help is when they are ready and if they are not ready, our homes simply become a war zone.
I am so glad you have your meetings. Meetings and SR were my oasis of peace when the storm of life hit hard.
Keeping all of you in my prayers, it's hard to be them and it's hard to be us. I really hate drugs and how they destroy our loved ones.
Hugs
I know the pain, the tears, the disappointment and the fear. I know the sadness for what they have become and the futility of trying any further.
For me, that was the worst of times....but also the best because it is when I let go of trying to control my son's addiction and left it between him and God.
They know where help is when they are ready and if they are not ready, our homes simply become a war zone.
I am so glad you have your meetings. Meetings and SR were my oasis of peace when the storm of life hit hard.
Keeping all of you in my prayers, it's hard to be them and it's hard to be us. I really hate drugs and how they destroy our loved ones.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
I know I have let go and let god before. It is the hardest thing to do. I know I must but still the fear of death is just peering around the corner.
No mater how many Times I do this it never gets any easier.
I just feel I am loosing on the war against drugs.
No mater how many Times I do this it never gets any easier.
I just feel I am loosing on the war against drugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know, sweetie, I have mentally buried my son a hundred times. 
The thing is, we do not have the power over life and death. Nothing we do will change what is not ours to control.
I find my peace by saying a prayer every morning, asking God to take care of my son, and then spending the rest of the day trusting that He will.
The sadness made me very sick, the fear almost killed me, those were very dark days for me. I finally had to cross the recovery bridge myself and hope that one day my son would follow.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
The thing is, we do not have the power over life and death. Nothing we do will change what is not ours to control.
I find my peace by saying a prayer every morning, asking God to take care of my son, and then spending the rest of the day trusting that He will.
The sadness made me very sick, the fear almost killed me, those were very dark days for me. I finally had to cross the recovery bridge myself and hope that one day my son would follow.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
TMZ
I am so very sorry to hear this......I can only imagine how much your heart hurts right now.....even knowing that you did what was best for you and for them.
Sometimes....I think they feel the need to step back in to that life (hopefully only briefly) to get a clear picture of what it was like again. Let's hope and pray that this is only a short term issue and they have enough recovery under their belts to decide that a clean and sober life is a better life.
Letting go and letting God is easier said than done but it is so very important for our own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those we love who are afflicted with this disease.
We'll walk with you.....
gentle hugs
ke
I am so very sorry to hear this......I can only imagine how much your heart hurts right now.....even knowing that you did what was best for you and for them.
Sometimes....I think they feel the need to step back in to that life (hopefully only briefly) to get a clear picture of what it was like again. Let's hope and pray that this is only a short term issue and they have enough recovery under their belts to decide that a clean and sober life is a better life.
Letting go and letting God is easier said than done but it is so very important for our own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those we love who are afflicted with this disease.
We'll walk with you.....
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
So badly we want to jump in---to pick up arms and kill this devil of
addiction. But alas....sometimes the hardest thing to do (and the one
hardest to execute completely once the decision is made)
..........is to stand down.
We wish the very best for those caught up in the fight of their lives,
but it is not our war to fight. When we enjoin in unwinnable battles we
do not want for courage// we want for wisdom.
What I have suffered as a friend has been multiplied 1000 times for
the Mom's, the families , and the loved ones of the addicted. I take solace
in, and draw inspiration/ bordering on awe/----from their hard fought wisdom.
I like the phrase 'let go and let God'.
Being the jerk I am, however----I'd rephrase it....something on the
order of "Get the f*** out of the professionals way, you are not helping;
you are just another mortal trying (poorly) to play God"
(e.g. the gig is already taken)
addiction. But alas....sometimes the hardest thing to do (and the one
hardest to execute completely once the decision is made)
..........is to stand down.
We wish the very best for those caught up in the fight of their lives,
but it is not our war to fight. When we enjoin in unwinnable battles we
do not want for courage// we want for wisdom.
What I have suffered as a friend has been multiplied 1000 times for
the Mom's, the families , and the loved ones of the addicted. I take solace
in, and draw inspiration/ bordering on awe/----from their hard fought wisdom.
I like the phrase 'let go and let God'.
Being the jerk I am, however----I'd rephrase it....something on the
order of "Get the f*** out of the professionals way, you are not helping;
you are just another mortal trying (poorly) to play God"
(e.g. the gig is already taken)
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
No one is allowed in loved one's mind except them. They are the only ones that can decide to do something about this. This will not end until they decide to end it. I feel your sadness but please remember that recovery is a process that involves many things and numerous variables of which relapse is one component. Relapse is not failure, it can be a learning process till they try again - faliure is not trying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 124
Oh, gosh...the hardest thing I ever did was tell my daughter she couldn't live at home. I KNOW it made me physically ill and it hurt my heart so much, I don't feel I've gotten over it, yet...that was two years ago.
I'm at a loss at how we survive this without shortening OUR life spans, too. It's simply awful.
I'm at a loss at how we survive this without shortening OUR life spans, too. It's simply awful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
TMZ,
I'm so sorry- I know how devastated you must feel. Even though we tell ourselves not to- we get our hopes up when they are doing well. Addictions sucks. :-(
The pain will lessen in time, but it still hurts.
My son now has 7 + months sober and he's doing well. So well, I'm not even thinking about his alcoholism much nor am I worrying like I was. Then I read a post like this and I try and think how I'd feel and I know I'd be wreck.
I'm so sorry- I know how devastated you must feel. Even though we tell ourselves not to- we get our hopes up when they are doing well. Addictions sucks. :-(
The pain will lessen in time, but it still hurts.
My son now has 7 + months sober and he's doing well. So well, I'm not even thinking about his alcoholism much nor am I worrying like I was. Then I read a post like this and I try and think how I'd feel and I know I'd be wreck.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
TMZ, Please remain hopeful. Addicts recover all the time - even spontaneously without treatment, when they have had enough. We do not know when the turning point arrives. They will use, till they don't.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Thank you all for your support!!!
I know far to well relapse is a fact of recovery. I know they can't do with out trying and if there were no slips, that would concern me just as much. They must do and fail and do and fail before they learn and figure out what works for each of them. Were all human and all make mistakes. Mine this time was not going with my gut feelings when they first came on. I Shared not for condolences but keep everyone else alert to the fact that relapse will happen. It's what and how both the addict and you react to the situation the makes the difference.
Now An update; The youngest AS has sought help through a methadone clinic and has been off the heroin for some time. At least he is seeking his own help and it worked last time for him. The oldest AS and one that has been dealing with addiction the longest is starting to realize he can't afford to live on his own and still do drugs and is searching for some kind of help finally.
Not that it is all good it dose show they do know what to do and that they are responsible for there own recovery.
There is always hope. I too know many who have maintained recovery for many years.
I know far to well relapse is a fact of recovery. I know they can't do with out trying and if there were no slips, that would concern me just as much. They must do and fail and do and fail before they learn and figure out what works for each of them. Were all human and all make mistakes. Mine this time was not going with my gut feelings when they first came on. I Shared not for condolences but keep everyone else alert to the fact that relapse will happen. It's what and how both the addict and you react to the situation the makes the difference.
Now An update; The youngest AS has sought help through a methadone clinic and has been off the heroin for some time. At least he is seeking his own help and it worked last time for him. The oldest AS and one that has been dealing with addiction the longest is starting to realize he can't afford to live on his own and still do drugs and is searching for some kind of help finally.
Not that it is all good it dose show they do know what to do and that they are responsible for there own recovery.
There is always hope. I too know many who have maintained recovery for many years.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
