mich0020

So today we were having a great day. Been laughing n playing actually felt like the old days. Then of coarse he jus couldn't go without his methadone (bc its not herion u no its ok). Well he went n got it n here we r 6 hours later n we r getting home from a trip at the er. After he took the done he got a major headache n started freaking out. He was screaming n crying begging me to take him to the er I wouldn't do it so he told me I only care about myself. I told him I wanted him to try taking some extra strength excedrin but he refused n kept screaming at me to take him to the er. I left him at home n went to the dollar store to get him some excedrin, sprit, n a cold pack for his headache. While I was gone he called a ambulance. He lied to the doc n told them he was prescribed the done but hes not n when I told the doc he wasnt he started yelling at me in the er n got me kicked out of the room. When will this ever stop. Why am I always the bad person?

Sara21

Hi Mich0020,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please remember that you are not the bad person, it's the addiction that is bad. It poisons a person's mind, body and heart. Even though we are not the ones taking the drugs, we're still in its path of destruction.

Maybe some time and distance until things cool down would help. Please take care of yourself. It is so emotionally and physically draining to love an addict that we sometimes forget about ourselves.

Hugs

TMZ

It is so hard to love an addict. Though he is on methadone, you are still dealing with an active addict.

The hospital just didn't want any issues and the patient is there primary goal. If he is getting methadone through a clinic he is registered, and that shows up on his medical record when he arrives at any hospital.

You need to let him deal with his own consequences and stop enabling his behavior. Let him get his own methadone and his own aspirin. he can get himself home from the hospital too. Live live one day at a time.

mich0020

How do I no when im enabling n wat do. It hurts to see him in so much pain n i jus want to help him. Im his only support group. Iv tried kicking him out but I don't want to see him homeless or starving so I end up givinghim money and rides anyway. I feel as if iv lost the energy to even fight with him anymore.

someoneswife

Giving money and rides is enabling. You need to focus on yourself. I would say step back from this situation and really look at it. Have you thought about going to al anon? If I had the chance to go back three years before I married and had a child with my addict husband I never would have married him. I would have ran for my life. There is nothing easy about being with an addict. My husband is in recovery and it's still not easy. Recovery doesn't automatically fix the bad things that happened during active use. Addicts know we will feel bad for them and use that against is. They are master manipulators. Check out an al anon meeting and do some reading about co dependency.

TMZ

see attached.

TMZ

That is what has helped me know the difference between helping and enabling. Hope it helps others too.

Vale

mich0020,

We so wish it wasn't what it truly is..............but sadly,it is not so.

They will accept your help.....bleed you dry......and when they are done
and you are exhausted & broken......move on to the next one. It's what they do.
The active addict script NEVER changes..........(EVER).

If (and ONLY if!) this person finds REAL recovery .....will it ever change. When that
happens it will be VERY obvious in his ACTIONS. Words are nothing.

I truly wish I has better news---but there is only one operational decision to be made
here.

Whether you want to follow him to hell or not. But make no mistake; that decision is
yours and yours alone to make.He has no input.

If this were easy...........

I'm not going to even go there. (it JUST ISN'T!)

The ONLY thing certain is that there will ALWAYS be people here at SR who
know exactly what you are going through.

No secrets here.This plane goes straight to hell. No stopover in DFW or ORD or DEN.
The only choice you have is to ditch your boarding pass and leave the airport.
This is about helping YOU----not the addicted person.

They have their own battle to fight.It is an affront to human dignity to
interfere with what truly is the battle of their life.

Vale

================================================== ====
I spent a very great deal of time and money to do the same for the
addict I cared about. I so understand where you are coming from.
I wish it worked, but it didn't.