I let go.. Why is his residual ick still all around me?

Old 08-15-2013, 11:12 AM
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I let go.. Why is his residual ick still all around me?

Just shy of a month ago, I told my AH I wanted a divorce.
I have had my moments where I have broken down, but surprisingly none of them had to do with the loss of him. Tears fell for my one year old son. Tears fell out of fear. Stupid petty fears, like who will want me now? I'll be alone forever.. how will I pay my mortgage... I can't/Won't lose my home. And a few times I cried because.. this whole thing is just such a shame.
But cry for that A-hole? naaah.. I've done enough of that for one lifetime.
I don't even have the energy to fight with him anymore.
Do you know what I have broke down over the most?
I have cried, balled, screamed and hollered over the realization that I am going to be tied this man for.the.rest.of.my.existence.
Which, would be totally acceptable if it were a cut and dry case of amicable hello's and goodbye's when exchanging our son.. But, no.
It will be, just as it has been the past 8 years and the last month no exception, of this sociopathic maniac trying to suck the ever loving life right out of me.
Every time he is supposed to take our son there is an excuse. When trying to draw up the visitation schedule he refused saying we should just work as a team and do that weekly. In case he has a show or something or I wanna go do something with friends. What are you high?? ( dumb question.. of course he's high) I don't want to be having to hold conversations with you weekly about this! I want a set schedule, for petes sake I want to lamenate that thing too!
He let his vehicle insurance get cancelled due to not payng bills. Tried to turn the tables and blame it on me. Then tried to coerce me into "loaning him the money" I didn't. I mean, for heaven's sake this was only 3 days after he had gotten paid and refused to pay me the child support due.
This man, and his grandiose ego is one smooth talkin son of a gun. If it were an Olympic sport to turn proverbial tables, he'd be rich and famous.
I use to give into him.. now, I gag.
So, he can't pick our son up or take him anywhere as he has no insurance. He even had the cajones to ask if Id just drop him off at his house and then, a few hours later pick him up. He lives like 30 minutes away!! I of course, laughed. Im not complaining, this just means I get more time with my son and any more time spent with my little man is only a win for me. But, ironically this all just unfolded on the perfect weekend when it was his weekend with our son. The same weekend his favorite band is in town. The same weekend a party is going on. etc.. etc..
Every time he has taken our son, he has returned him way earlier than scheduled, once forgot diapers, a bottle and food. And now can't pay the money I am owed to raise him. It took me driving to his house, finding a piece of mail and taking his wallet to get the info I had been asking for from him for two weeks for the divorce papers.
I thought I'd be free from this bologna. But no.. I'll be eating bologna sandwiches for years to come. Maybe I'll come up with some kind of "condiment" to make it easier to swallow with time. But as of today.. what I wouldn't give to be able to sever these ties and burn this bridge.. with an Atomic bomb.
If you hadn't taken notice.. I think I have entered the bitter angry stage of grief.
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:56 PM
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Ann
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Every time he is supposed to take our son there is an excuse. When trying to draw up the visitation schedule he refused saying we should just work as a team and do that weekly. In case he has a show or something or I wanna go do something with friends. What are you high?? ( dumb question.. of course he's high) I don't want to be having to hold conversations with you weekly about this! I want a set schedule, for petes sake I want to lamenate that thing too!
He let his vehicle insurance get cancelled due to not payng bills. Tried to turn the tables and blame it on me. Then tried to coerce me into "loaning him the money" I didn't. I mean, for heaven's sake this was only 3 days after he had gotten paid and refused to pay me the child support due.
Frostedolive, have you discussed this with your lawyer? If he refuses to pay you child support, if he is high when he visits your son, if he will not commit to a visitation schedule or take any responsibility for the care of his child...you may have grounds to prevent him from seeing this child and may never have to encounter him again.

You don't have to accept his rules, his wants and needs. They don't count when it comes to his child. The best interest of the child always comes first, no matter what court you go to in your country or mine.

Ask for help, you need it and it is available to you.

Hugs
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