grateful6982

The past week or so has been really difficult on me mentally. AH obviously used the second he got out of jail. I am not surprised by this, as he is a drug addict, and that's what they do. I finally found my footing and have stood my ground on refusing to give him cash at all. He has said some horrible things to me because I won't give in, but I am standing strong finally. Last night was particularly bad but I still slept fine and woke up this morning to him gone. He texted me saying sorry and he wants to talk. I will talk but know that it will be quacking on his part. A few minutes ago I just got this feeling of relief. I have always thought that he would get help and get better, but I just got this enormous feeling that he may never do that. He may choose to be sick forever and that is his choice. I feel like I am ready to take care of myself for real. I have some serious self hatred issues and I am ready to deal with them. I am important and my feelings do matter. I have to do what is best for me and that is a good and normal way to feel. He will make his own choices regardless of my feelings so I need to and will do the same. Thanks for listening to the ramblings of a stressed out codependent. I appreciate your support.

courtneykay

Congrats on your realization. It is an empowering moment when you realize the strength you have always had within you. Let him go, ands set yourself free. Take the time to work on yourself, put yourself first, learn to love yourself again. It is a long process, but I have found this site to be incredibly healing as I take the steps towards recovering from my codependency.

Wishing you all the best.

Hugs
Courtney

Ann

After years of dealing with my son's addiction, and one more futile attempt to rescue him from a crack house...I too just reached my "enough" point, told God I could not do this one more day and that it was all His now...and immediately felt the relief of letting go.

Can't explain how or why that moment was different than any other, but I knew at the time I was done for good and not going to live one more moment in the insanity of my son's addiction.

I think if we persist in our recovery, doing the best we can each day however imperfect that may be...that one day it just happens, not like a bolt of lightening but more like a delicate flower unfolding, and we know we have arrived at that good place called "recovery".

I am glad you reached this point too. May your days ahead be blessed with new beginnings and joy.

Hugs

pravchaw

I know it does not feel like that now, but by "not enabling" you just threw your AH a life preserver. Its now upto him to hold on to the life preserver and seek recovery. You are on your way to recovery.

I have read that a sick family system keeps everyone in the family sick. The addict and co-dependent(s). Once one or party gets healthy, the system gets destabilized. Either the system changes back to health or you leave the system.

I am in the middle of this process myself - but I feel it in my bones that it is the right thing to do and I received a lot of validation from experienced people here. Good luck.

Ilovemysonjj

Great, insightful post.... It spoke to me.