someoneswife

Everyday is a tug of war with my emotions. Love, hope, patience, forgiveness, rage, grief, fear, guilt and shame. I could be feeling hope and in 2 seconds be feeling insane rage because I remember the lies. I could be feelings happy and then immediately be filled with so much sadness I just sit and sob not over anything in particular. Three days before my husband went to rehab is when I found out about his drug use. So I didn't really get a chance to process it before he went. So I feel like I should be happy and supportive but my mind is still trying to process the deception and lies at the same time. I'm trying to let myself feel these things and not stuff them down but gosh it's hard. Tonight he said he would call at 10 and instead didn't call until 11:15 because he was watching a movie with some other guys at sober living. In about 15 minutes I went from rage to hurt to sad to guilty. It's not a huge deal that he called an hour late but for some reason it triggered all these emotions and sent me on a roller coaster. Our therapist keeps warning me not to rush my forgiveness and acceptance of the things he's done since I haven't had much time to really process it all. I've got to remind myself that it's ok to feel anger and hurt even if he is in recovery. That I should be more gentle with myself.

Eve13

I have found it is a real process coming to terms. It has taken me months to ease the anger within at my son. What has been helpful to me is just accepting the emotions - they are what they are. Going to education meetings. Going to AlAnon. The support here at SR.
Taking care of myself, (trying) keeping the judgmental voices quieted.

Am I "there"? Probably not, for sure! But I am working on it. Be gentle with yourself, indeed. And hope you find peace in your heart at least for a little while.

allforcnm

From my experience, it really is a process that we go through & I think the therapist is correct - you cant speed through it, or try to suppress your emotions because they will still be there. My husband and I were both told that working on recovery and digging to the bottom of all the emotions was very important to find true healing. Do remember to be gentle with yourself; basically you've suffered a big emotional trauma.

pravchaw

I think we have to develop the ability to detach emotionally. The way I try to do it to imagine myself floating 10 feet above myself and dispassionately observing how I am dealing with things. Am I being fair to myself and my loved one? Am I being compassionate? Are my boundaries intact? Am I thoughtful. Is my goal to protect myself or to punish my loved one? It helps to take time outs to process things.

Addiction (including co-dependence) is all about "reactivity" and caving in to impulse. If you can slow it down, you can reduce this destructive reactivity.

Its been a learning process. I can say that I have grown more in the last 6 year than the last 10 years and I barely scratching the surface of personal growth.

mermaid60

Someoneswife: i have recently been through the same thing. His drug addiction came as a shock to me. Looking back I see so many things that should have been red flags. Yesterday I came across a post entitiled ' what addicts do" . Many of the answers I have been searching for were right there. I also attended my first Al Anon meeting and it was helpful. Be kind to yourself and take heart to the comments above. SR has been a lifesaver for me.