thenotoriousdud

Hi all!! As some may know I have recently lost my wife to relapse. She has relapsed at least once a year every year that we have been together except for the year leading up to the wedding. She went out 2 weeks ago leaving me with my stepdaughters(3) and my 3yr old nephew that we are raising because my sister has a drug problem as well. My wife worked 25hrs a week and it fell on her to handle most of the childcare duties while I was at work. As well any baby bonus and care monies that were allotted for the care of my nephew came in her name. She hasn't made any attempt to hand over any of this $.
She drained our bank account, took our only vehicle and headed to the crack section of our town.
I had a drug problem at one time but, I was able to kick(with her help) and haven't looked back in almost 8 yrs. I was stuck with no $ to pay for childcare and no car to get there or to work anyway. Luckily my boss was very understanding and gave me the week off immediately. This gave me the oppotunity to get some of the situation dealt with. My sister(mother of my nephew) found me in a desperate situation and since she was in a sober phase I went against my better judgement and allowed her to care for her son so I could work. This went OK for4 days until Thursday when my sis didn't show back up at her sober living house. Stuck again. I am so tired of having other peoples drug problems affecting my life so much. I feel like I am the one that is suffering even though I am working my program to T. It is so frustrating and I get really angry knowing that I am struggling to pick up the pieces and maintain my household while they get to party their little asses off. Please anyone that can relate or offer some advice chime in. My thoughts have been like a whirlwind. I don't think that my sobriety is in jeopardy but, my head is spinning so much I don't feel focused at all. Sorry for the nature of my post but it reflects the way I am feeling right now.

lizwig

Wow...what a challenging time you are in. If this is a test show your higher power (and everyone else) how well you can handle it. Do you have United Way in Canada? If so....they can offer help financially and get you in touch with child care providers in your area. In the US anyone needing various services and referrals can dial 211. United Way is used to these emergent type situations and often have resources we would never think of. Hang in there. I do believe this is a test for you. View it as an opportunity to prove to yourself you are capable, you can be the person all of these children can count on. I'm cheering for you.

pravchaw

We have 211. ( at least in GTA toronto /) Worth contacting social services to see if they can help. You are in tough spot, my prayers are going out to you

Eve13

hang in there, those children need you! I'd be so angry too, that all of this is falling on you. Congrats on all of your years doing so good! Can you find time to think about for the future:
-managing the finances differently so that the accounts cannot be drained?
-figure how to keep the keys away from AS so that you have a way to get to work and care for the children?
-did you adopt the stepchild? If not, do you need to establish something to legally protect the child from addicted mom? (sorry, don't know the laws in this regard)

Sara21

First of all, congratulations on staying clean for almost 8 years, that's awesome!!! Those kids are lucky to have you in their lives.

I definitely agree with the previous post about keeping your finances separate from now on. If she continues to use, it may not be such a good idea for her to be in charge of your nephew's child care money. Is there another family member nearby that you can reach out to for help?

Sending a lot of prayers your way.

Hugs

Ilovemysonjj

Hi Notorious, I am so sorry you are dealing with everything going on. Drugs SUCK! Congratulations on your commitment to your own sobriety! I think separating your finances is a good start and sometimes you have to make tough decisions even when you love your Addict with all your heart and soul. I am so happy to know that the children in this case have someone in their corner (YOU!). Addiction can drain all of our lifeblood out of us. If you are not in Naranon or Alanon, that may be a great resource for you to find others who can provide support (both emotional and practical) for your circumstances!
Hugs,
TT