Aarrgghh!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Aarrgghh!
My son is currently in rehab ( has been through rehab numerous times before). I do believe he wants very much to be clean, but I am not convinced he is willing to do the work necessary to get clean. Regardless, it’s not my issue to determine.
But, I really need to vent just a bit:
I work in an academic environment and I have run across countless individuals who have earned a certificate in drug and alcohol counseling form a local community college. It’s a certificate earned in about 6 months. I overheard a woman earlier in the week stating with certainty that she was changing peoples lives one by one because she cares when others have turned their back and that once they learn that their future is jail, institutions, or death, they are willing to listen.
As if no one had thought of that
And, I was told by my son’s step mom that the rehab called to discuss his progress ( he’s 28 for heaven sake). He was just chalk full of original thought ( pardon my sarcasm). He may not want it bad enough yet, he’s remorseful but not yet willing the do the work etc, etc. Then he went on to ask what OUR plans were for his release.
Um, huh?
He said son wasn’t open to a SL place, but the counselor felt it was necessary ( on who’s dime?) and that he would not make it without at the very least IOP ( lots and lots of dimes).
Here’s the catch: Son doesn’t have a license. There is no bus service out where he MAY have a chance to live. This was told to the counselor.
His reply was that we might want to arrange a schedule (between us) to get him to and from where he needs to be, after all this could be life or death for him. He also suggested we have a game plan for when he comes “home”.
We all have different definitions of where “home” is. He keeps listing my address but has not been permitted to stay with me for many months.
AAAAAGGGHHHH.
Some of us parents are more than willing to step away but all of the “professionals” seem to try and pull us back in. With all of the advances in medicine could we possibly come up with a better solution than a hand full of clichés and mommy and daddy?
There…that feels better
But, I really need to vent just a bit:
I work in an academic environment and I have run across countless individuals who have earned a certificate in drug and alcohol counseling form a local community college. It’s a certificate earned in about 6 months. I overheard a woman earlier in the week stating with certainty that she was changing peoples lives one by one because she cares when others have turned their back and that once they learn that their future is jail, institutions, or death, they are willing to listen.
As if no one had thought of that
And, I was told by my son’s step mom that the rehab called to discuss his progress ( he’s 28 for heaven sake). He was just chalk full of original thought ( pardon my sarcasm). He may not want it bad enough yet, he’s remorseful but not yet willing the do the work etc, etc. Then he went on to ask what OUR plans were for his release.
Um, huh?
He said son wasn’t open to a SL place, but the counselor felt it was necessary ( on who’s dime?) and that he would not make it without at the very least IOP ( lots and lots of dimes).
Here’s the catch: Son doesn’t have a license. There is no bus service out where he MAY have a chance to live. This was told to the counselor.
His reply was that we might want to arrange a schedule (between us) to get him to and from where he needs to be, after all this could be life or death for him. He also suggested we have a game plan for when he comes “home”.
We all have different definitions of where “home” is. He keeps listing my address but has not been permitted to stay with me for many months.
AAAAAGGGHHHH.
Some of us parents are more than willing to step away but all of the “professionals” seem to try and pull us back in. With all of the advances in medicine could we possibly come up with a better solution than a hand full of clichés and mommy and daddy?
There…that feels better
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
It's amazing, isn't it? Sure, I'm going to disrupt all of my plans, my life, my work, all to babysit my 30-something stepson. No.
Yeah, when people have tried to talk to us about what sort of plan WE needed after this, that, or the other hospital, IOP, jail stay of my stepson we finally learned to say that HIS plan was up to HIM.
"Jr." has also used our address for certain mailings lately....even though he currently has his own place and is working (go figure). We just return them with a note saying that he has never lived or received his mail at our address
I get it, Cece, I really do! You, his father and stepmom get to decide what you are willing to do without pressure from the rehab facility. "Jr." always managed to find someplace to lay his head at night.
Yeah, when people have tried to talk to us about what sort of plan WE needed after this, that, or the other hospital, IOP, jail stay of my stepson we finally learned to say that HIS plan was up to HIM.
"Jr." has also used our address for certain mailings lately....even though he currently has his own place and is working (go figure). We just return them with a note saying that he has never lived or received his mail at our address
I get it, Cece, I really do! You, his father and stepmom get to decide what you are willing to do without pressure from the rehab facility. "Jr." always managed to find someplace to lay his head at night.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh Cece, I know the frustration too well. 
All we mamas can do is make it clear that "we" are not the solution to their problem.
Anyone that wants recovery will find it, through whatever means is available to them.
Anyone who does not want recovery won't stop no matter how many rehabs, SL homes or addiction counselors they go through.
This is something every addiction counselor should know...if they don't, then they should lose their little piece of paper that makes them think they do.
It's up to the addict completely...not their mamas. Poo on that counselor for being so obtuse.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
All we mamas can do is make it clear that "we" are not the solution to their problem.
Anyone that wants recovery will find it, through whatever means is available to them.
Anyone who does not want recovery won't stop no matter how many rehabs, SL homes or addiction counselors they go through.
This is something every addiction counselor should know...if they don't, then they should lose their little piece of paper that makes them think they do.
It's up to the addict completely...not their mamas. Poo on that counselor for being so obtuse.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Charleston, WV
Posts: 16
Son wasn't open to a SL place?
After a year of being "fixed, managed and controlled" with an epic ton of drama for a over a year, we slammed down all of the walls and rounded up the wagons.
My AD was told:
Leave detox? Don't bother calling.
Leave the recovery program? Don't bother calling.
You can't come home. Go to a SL facility. Your family is recovering from the high drug drama of active addition.
There was no wiggle room.
Laying out the rules of how involved you want to (or don't want to be) be at this point is very important. And you do get to say just how much you want to be involved or not. That choice is yours. He can either meet you guys halfway or not. That choice is his. Sounds like he is fixing, managing and controlling his "counselors". There is nothing that says "You are a doormat" anywhere, that I've found. The recovery program folks can suggest what they want, but you get the right to say "No - doesn't work for me."
The AD is going on 90 days of clean - working, and working on cleaning up the mess her addiction left behind. We've met her halfway. Once she got into a SL (Oxford House) house - there was some financial assist until she found a job. The recovering housemates keep her (and themselves) in check. Hard to trick another recovering addict. They know all the tricks.
After a year of being "fixed, managed and controlled" with an epic ton of drama for a over a year, we slammed down all of the walls and rounded up the wagons.
My AD was told:
Leave detox? Don't bother calling.
Leave the recovery program? Don't bother calling.
You can't come home. Go to a SL facility. Your family is recovering from the high drug drama of active addition.
There was no wiggle room.
Laying out the rules of how involved you want to (or don't want to be) be at this point is very important. And you do get to say just how much you want to be involved or not. That choice is yours. He can either meet you guys halfway or not. That choice is his. Sounds like he is fixing, managing and controlling his "counselors". There is nothing that says "You are a doormat" anywhere, that I've found. The recovery program folks can suggest what they want, but you get the right to say "No - doesn't work for me."
The AD is going on 90 days of clean - working, and working on cleaning up the mess her addiction left behind. We've met her halfway. Once she got into a SL (Oxford House) house - there was some financial assist until she found a job. The recovering housemates keep her (and themselves) in check. Hard to trick another recovering addict. They know all the tricks.
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Yeah Gnarly ( love the name ), I know the drill and have made it clear the answer is NO. The problem is in the fact that NO doesn't seem to compute. Not with him, the counselors, the justice system, no one.
I just think it would be more "counseling" to have him think of a plan B rather than call the family with what is expected of us. I have no intention of back sliding. I'm just feeling the frustration of people who "think" that we are the answer and that he "can be saved" by someone who cares enough.
Phooey.
), I know the drill and have made it clear the answer is NO. The problem is in the fact that NO doesn't seem to compute. Not with him, the counselors, the justice system, no one.I just think it would be more "counseling" to have him think of a plan B rather than call the family with what is expected of us. I have no intention of back sliding. I'm just feeling the frustration of people who "think" that we are the answer and that he "can be saved" by someone who cares enough.
Phooey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Charleston, WV
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by cece1960 
I just think it would be more "counseling" to have him think of a plan B rather than call the family with what is expected of us. I have no intention of back sliding. I'm just feeling the frustration of people who "think" that we are the answer and that he "can be saved" by someone who cares enough.
Phooey.
Phooey.
And hold fast/firm with him, and the counselors he's got snookered.
Glad ya like the name.
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