BlueChair

I thought you knew. I was only thinking that if this has been going on a long time and we were still living together, then I would have went out there with him to the truck and stood by there while he pretended to dig around and look for it. At least then he would have had to come up with another lie. But I understand it would be too tiring doing that if there were going on constantly. My husband was hiding his using before this happened, but I couldnt tell and so I didnt know he was lying.

BlueChair

You guys are great trying to get me to see the light, but I understand about the lying, stealing, and doing whatever they have to do. My husband has told me a lot of things that he did before I met him when he was mixed up in drugs. He explained to me how all of it made him feel after he stopped using. I also realize he may have traded his ring for drugs. Im saying maybe because it could have also been taken from him. He was not only using, he was also sick with a problem with his stomach, bleeding, and had an infection. He doesn’t even remember his friends finding him, or how he got to the hospital. He doesn’t remember going at all to the first rehab or talking to people there. If he is lying about it, then maybe he will tell me eventually; maybe not. That part of it doesn’t matter to me right now. I know he was sick and not thinking straight. Anger may hit me later but now I feel sad more than anything else. Im not sorry that I got him a new ring. He is in the rehab place now and unless he leaves will be there for 86 more days. I want him to have his ring and be reminded that Im here for him.

bigsombrero

I am an addict and alcoholic.

Addicts don't "lose" things of value. Trust me. We know exactly where things of value are located. Long before we steal or pawn things, we have figured out exactly what we can use to score drugs when times get tough. Often we've already created elaborate excuses to use in case we are caught. Myself, I would think of about 10 excuses, practice them, and then go through every scenario. After some time thinking, I'd narrow it down to the three best excuses, and then determine which one to use when the confrontation was initiated.

Was she in a rage? Use plan A. Is she distraught? Execute plan B. Does she suspect me? Plan C will work for that. And on and on down the line.

I repeat: addicts don't lose things of value. It does not happen. We guard them, steal them, hide them, and sell them when the time is right.

These wise people on the F&F forum know what they are talking about. Listen to them. Good luck.

BlueChair

Thank you bigsombrero. He was needing cash Im sure of that because after he went missing, I had help removing his access to all money sources, even credit cards. We were told this is what was best. If I look at it that way then he may have parted with it before he even got sick. The wedding ring is only one thing that I have found out, unfortunately there was a lot more. Mostly the symbolic part of losing the ring is what hurts. Thats why I was asking how other people made peace with losing something that had special meaning. I guess it has to be written off to the addiction and nothing more. Drugs dont care about feelings.

allforcnm

Im sorry about his wedding ring. I know it holds special memories for both of you, but I think its important to realize when a person is actively using and craving then anything goes. My husband explained it to me sort of like the brain freeze you get sometimes when eating ice cream. When it hits, for those moments there is almost nothing else you can think about except making that feeling go away. Its hard sometimes, but it helps me to understand things my husband did were not personal against me in any way.