punishing myself for him?
 

Hi all. I am engaged to a great man, who happens to be a recovering addict. For two years he abused narcotics and Xanax to the point of almost dying multiple times. He has gotten it together, is totally clean and has started a new job (random drug testing and a zero tolerance policy). It gets tricky here to me. I had back surgery last year and it left me with permanent nerve damage and the possibility ill need another surgery. I have totally quit taking all pain relievers. While I was taking them, he would either make me feel guilty enough to give them to him or he would take them himself. And they were hidden because of that, but he always found them. Now he swears he doesn't wanna do that again but I'm scared. I need to have something to help me with my pain, at least occasionally, but our relationship suffered when pills were involved. We've talked and he says I need to give him another chance (not being harsh he's had a million chances) to prove himself. If he went back to treating me as he did (lying, verbally abusive, stealing from me) I'd have to leave and I don't want to. I'm sorry that was so long and appreciate any input.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. When I had surgery a few years ago, my husband also guilted me or just took my short supply of pain pills as if he was entitled to them. I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you right now because my husband is still active ( does have a legal prescription instead of buying them on the streets) but we are not living together right now and won't be until he gets sober and is actively working a program. I do worry about the future though also since I will have some surgeries scheduled in the future. I hope that your health improves and he stays clean. Best wishes.

If you need medicine for pain, get them and take them. Don't hide them.

If he steals one of them, at a minumum cancel the engagement for a year and consider using a different "Husband Material" checklist.

If you think that by denying yourself medication, it will prevent him from ever relapsing, you are wrong.

Read all the stories here of people who ignored the red flags...

you have real quantifiable PAIN dear....your responsibility is to YOURSELF. get the pills, take as directed and if HE can't keep his grubby little addict paws off them, then you know all you need to know. do not punish yourself for what is not YOUR problem!!!!

Thank you everyone. It turns out I will have no choice because I have to have surgery within a month. I'm really dreading it because last time it was hell. Instead of just focusing on recovering and coping with my physical changes I was dealing with the guilt, pain, etc. of him taking my pills or making me give them up. Wish me luck.