OxyMaddened

Gee, you'd think my being an Oxy addict myself I would be able to recognize another addict. Not so...shows how devious some people can be.

I am stunned and heartbroken for my best friends. I just found out their oldest son, who I thought was doing okay (despite signs of financial problems) and had completed a construction apprenticeship and received his journeyman status a couple of years ago, is a heroin addict. Apparently it's been going on for a couple of years. The consensus I've been told is his GF started him on it. From what I heard, she progressed to H after smoking Oxy...and since we all know the term, misery loves company, got him started on it.

I guess I'm lucky in that he did complete a subcontracting job for me in which I paid him in cash...now I'm wondering if the equipment he installed was actually stolen rather than bought with the $$$ I paid him...which was a bit above four figures! I didn't question the fact he didn't have receipts, and the way he explained buying the stuff wholesale through the company he worked for made sense that he wouldn't.

I know now to not give him any more cash. The original job was done and I was going to hire him to install something else a couple of weeks ago. Gave him $100 cash to buy it, of course it's gone.

I found all this out from his Mother yesterday, who doesn't want me to let her husband (my best friend of 30+ years) that she told me about him. She said they (the son & GF) are totally out of $$$, owe all over town, of course they lost their apartment and he's lost jobs, and she said they were "going up to the mountains to Detox."

If he (the son) comes by, not knowing that I know about what's really been going on, I'm not sure what to say to him. I had explained to him last year about my own Detox from a sometimes 180-240mg./day Oxy addiction, but I guess he may have been into H -- or at least chipping at that point -- before then.

I think if he does come by, maybe I will "confront" him only by saying, I can't hire you, I know what's been going on, but I will go to NA meetings with you if you're motivated to quit. I know from my own personal experience how hard it is to quit, but I don't want to reject him for what he did, but just offer "support" in the manner of attending meetings, and talking when/if he wants to.

I guess I just needed to vent. I'm just SO devasted by this, especially for his parents. His Mom cries every night and I'm sure the Dad does too, but like I said, he doesn't know I've been told.

LoveMeNow

Maybe, you could recommend Naranon or Alanon to his wife and hopefully they will both attend.

lizwig

I think you could wind up being a great support to your friend's son whenever he decides he's ready to turn things around. You have a unique perspective that he could really benefit from. I'm sorry you have to experience how powerless we all feel over our loved ones addictions. It's been hard to not only balance my own disappointments and frustrations but to also see how my son's grandparents, cousins, friends, etc have been hurt by his choices. I think LoveMeNow's suggestion of recommending Naranon or alanon to the wife is spot on....she would find a lot of support there. The fact that her husband (your best friend of 30 years) hasn't talked with you yet is a reminder of the layers of shame that many of us find ourselves buried under, even though we are aware it's not ours to bear. It is what it is...working on it. Thank you for posting, I will keep this young man in my prayers.

OxyMaddened

Thanks for the replies. I am going to suggest NarAnon to the Mother, and it'll be up to her to suggest it to her husband.

I haven't thought much about anything besides this since I heard. It's bothering me quite a bit...hell, I feel almost like his second mother. I don't even want to imagine how bad they're feeling, but I will definitely offer any support I can.