Phone call frustration
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Knoxville, tn
Posts: 58
Phone call frustration
Hey everyone!
A little back story about 4 weeks ago my husband got fired for using drugs. I had no clue whatsoever that he had been shooting up at home for the past year. So it was a shock. 3 days letter he entered treatment.
Which brings me to today. he gets 2 ten minute phone calls a day. The past week or so everytime he calls me he complains. He complains about group therapy, the doctors, the counselors and just generally doesn't want to be there. He tells me about the jokes he makes in group that I really don't think are funny. Tonight when he called I just lost it. He was complaining again and I told him how mad it makes me when he does that. That I want him to take the program seriously and get everything he can from it. He says he is, that he is just venting to me. I told him he should be grateful for the opportunity to be there. I have made huge sacrifices to make sure he can be there and get the help he needs. I've cashed out the 401k, taken out a loan, work overtime and I'm the sole parent now to our 2 year old.Yet I don't complain about those things when I talk to him because I'm doing it all so he can get the help he needs. I know he isn't as comfortable there as he would be at home but he made his choices and these are the consequences. I don't think he sees that I'm also paying a huge price for the choices he has made. I've been in a constant struggle of being happy that he's in treatment and being mad about what he did. I think I just needed to get all that off my chest!
A little back story about 4 weeks ago my husband got fired for using drugs. I had no clue whatsoever that he had been shooting up at home for the past year. So it was a shock. 3 days letter he entered treatment.
Which brings me to today. he gets 2 ten minute phone calls a day. The past week or so everytime he calls me he complains. He complains about group therapy, the doctors, the counselors and just generally doesn't want to be there. He tells me about the jokes he makes in group that I really don't think are funny. Tonight when he called I just lost it. He was complaining again and I told him how mad it makes me when he does that. That I want him to take the program seriously and get everything he can from it. He says he is, that he is just venting to me. I told him he should be grateful for the opportunity to be there. I have made huge sacrifices to make sure he can be there and get the help he needs. I've cashed out the 401k, taken out a loan, work overtime and I'm the sole parent now to our 2 year old.Yet I don't complain about those things when I talk to him because I'm doing it all so he can get the help he needs. I know he isn't as comfortable there as he would be at home but he made his choices and these are the consequences. I don't think he sees that I'm also paying a huge price for the choices he has made. I've been in a constant struggle of being happy that he's in treatment and being mad about what he did. I think I just needed to get all that off my chest!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 11
Sometimes you just gotta vent! Many of us have been in your shoes and we understand.
I was often frustrated with my AW's phone calls from treatment. She would complain about all of those same issues as your AH and never, NEVER ask about me or the kids or anything else outside of her little bubble. Addiction is a 'me' disease... they expect everything to revolve around them. Addicts in early recovery still view life as all about them even though the drugs may be out of their system.
For me, my anger faded a bit during AW's treatment. But the phone calls remained frustrating. Is your AH working with a counselor in treatment? If so perhaps you could talk to the counselor about these issues. Sometimes they can offer an objective view of how treatment is going. You could also try a conference call with your AH and the counselor where the counselor can mediate the discussion and keep things focused. Just a thought.
I was often frustrated with my AW's phone calls from treatment. She would complain about all of those same issues as your AH and never, NEVER ask about me or the kids or anything else outside of her little bubble. Addiction is a 'me' disease... they expect everything to revolve around them. Addicts in early recovery still view life as all about them even though the drugs may be out of their system.
For me, my anger faded a bit during AW's treatment. But the phone calls remained frustrating. Is your AH working with a counselor in treatment? If so perhaps you could talk to the counselor about these issues. Sometimes they can offer an objective view of how treatment is going. You could also try a conference call with your AH and the counselor where the counselor can mediate the discussion and keep things focused. Just a thought.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Knoxville, tn
Posts: 58
Subordinary, it's so nice to have someone know what I'm talking about! We see a family therapist together once a week. We have an appointment tomorrow and I'm going to bring it up. A ten minute phone call just isn't long enough to work out a problem so I'm grateful we have an hour tomorrow!
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