My boyfriend overdosed last night...
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by tattoo90 
Laying here in bed, trying to grasp the fact that he is gone is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. In my mind, he's still alive. I don't know how I'm ever going to overcome this.
Without getting into too much detail, I've lost two people very, very close to me over the past three years. The first one was my mentor, my father figure, who died as a result of long term alcoholism. Although it wasn't a surprise that he passed, it was a shock. One minute he's there, the next he's not. Nothing can prepare you for the moment we learn someone we love is gone.
But I think about him every day. And I really, really feel him, too. Everything I learned with him and from him is still very, very tangible. His ashes were scattered in Cape Cod Bay, and every year around his anniversary, I go down there. And I swear to God, he's there. His presence, his essence...it's very real.
You will mourn your loss for however long you need to. There's no timetable. You just need to do what you have to do at any given moment to get through your days.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I went back and read your previous posts. It is clear to me that you are kind and loving, and your boyfriend was blessed to have you in his life.
What I see is a tragedy that started to unfold long before you entered his life. He had wounds and scars and pain from the abuse he suffered as a child. No doubt the drugs were a way to cope and escape initially and then they too became a burden.
I know you are feeling guilt, but please understand that your boyfriend was not well. When drug use progresses to addiction it is then a disease of the body and mind. He was not thinking clearly, rationally, nor did he have the ability to cope with life without turning to the drugs for release.
This could have happened at any time, and almost anything could have triggered him to use, and overdose. You need to remember this. He was a good person caught up in pain and trapped in a horrible disease.
As you grieve, please remember the good times, how much love there was between you. These feelings did not fade for him despite an argument. His spirit will always be with you, and I know he is thankful for the love you gave him.
Talk to him, write out your feelings...
I would also suggest you contact your doctor and ask for a referral for counseling. You have been through a trauma, and there are many stages of grief. A counselor can help you move through each stage, and find peace and acceptance.
My prayers are with you, and all of those who loved your boyfriend
I went back and read your previous posts. It is clear to me that you are kind and loving, and your boyfriend was blessed to have you in his life.
What I see is a tragedy that started to unfold long before you entered his life. He had wounds and scars and pain from the abuse he suffered as a child. No doubt the drugs were a way to cope and escape initially and then they too became a burden.
I know you are feeling guilt, but please understand that your boyfriend was not well. When drug use progresses to addiction it is then a disease of the body and mind. He was not thinking clearly, rationally, nor did he have the ability to cope with life without turning to the drugs for release.
This could have happened at any time, and almost anything could have triggered him to use, and overdose. You need to remember this. He was a good person caught up in pain and trapped in a horrible disease.
As you grieve, please remember the good times, how much love there was between you. These feelings did not fade for him despite an argument. His spirit will always be with you, and I know he is thankful for the love you gave him.
Talk to him, write out your feelings...
I would also suggest you contact your doctor and ask for a referral for counseling. You have been through a trauma, and there are many stages of grief. A counselor can help you move through each stage, and find peace and acceptance.
My prayers are with you, and all of those who loved your boyfriend
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so very sorry, Tattoo, my heart breaks for you and all who loved him.
My prayers are with you. Please know that we are all here for you and we care very much. You may need some friends through the coming days and we are all walking with you here.
Deepest condolences.
My prayers are with you. Please know that we are all here for you and we care very much. You may need some friends through the coming days and we are all walking with you here.
Deepest condolences.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 25
Tattoo I am so sorry for your loss </3 it breaks my heart whenever I hear of someone dying from this disease... The one piece of advice I give to everyone who loses someone this way is whatever you do to grieve to it to honor them. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Dear tattoo. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. It is not your fault. Your situation is such a reminder of the fear so many of us feel and what guides so many of our well intentioned decisions. I remember responding to your first post just a couple of weeks ago....I have to believe your higher power encouraged and gave you the strength to reach out so that we may all be here for you in your time of need. We are. Your boyfriend is home now....in the arms of a loving, forgiving God. He is free of pain and can now be at peace. I encountered a situation after my dad died at 48 from leukemia, I was questioning where he had gone and was so angry. In my moment of all encompassing grief I received what I can only refer to as a message from him that to this day I have never questioned again. I don't talk about it much but I am irrevocably convinced there is more than what we see. Look for signs from him. And trust when you see them. My heart is broken for you and you will be in my prayers. Sending strength and love your way tonight. Lisa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 35
Yesterday night, I was trying to sleep with the TV on and all of a sudden the volume turned it self down to zero. Jason knew I could not sleep with any of the volume on. Also, our kitten jumped up and started staring right next to the TV and meowing. I know he was with me last night. Today, when I got out of the car, I looked at the ground and saw a tar mark in the shape of a heart and immediately thought of him. I believe these are signs from him. Makes me feel a bit better. All your posts really make me feel a whole lot better. I know only time can heal my broken heart, but I just want to thank everyone for making it a little easier.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Those we love never really leave us, their spirit lives in our hearts forever.
I "feel" the presence of my mother often. She was the kindest, wisest woman I have ever known and I still hear her words when I need them.
Walking with you, Tattoo, may today bring you a smile remembering better days before the drugs.
I "feel" the presence of my mother often. She was the kindest, wisest woman I have ever known and I still hear her words when I need them.
Walking with you, Tattoo, may today bring you a smile remembering better days before the drugs.
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