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Language of Letting Go

Old 07-15-2013, 10:47 AM
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Language of Letting Go

Monday, July 15, 2013

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

I was thirty five years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation.
I was terribly frightened and almost couldn't believe I was doing this. I found I didn't have to be mean. I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say what I wanted and needed to say to take care of myself. I learned I could love and honor myself, and still care about my mother - the way I wanted to - not the way she wanted me to.
—Anonymous

Who knows better how to push our buttons than family members? Who, besides family members, do we give such power?

No matter how long we or our family members have been recovering, relationships with family members can be provocative.

One telephone conversation can put us in an emotional and psychological tailspin that lasts for hours or days.

Sometimes, it gets worse when we begin recovery because we become even more aware of our reactions and our discomfort. That's uncomfortable, but good. It is by beginning this process of awareness and acceptance that we change, grow, and heal.

The process of detaching in love from family members can take years. So can the process of learning how to react in a more effective way. We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react.

Stop trying to make them act or treat us any differently. Unhook from their system by refusing to try to change or influence them.

Their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are their issues. How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue.

We can love our family and still refuse to buy into their issues. We can love our family but refuse their efforts to manipulate, control, or produce guilt in us.

We can take care of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty. We can learn to be assertive with family members without being aggressive. We can set the boundaries we need and want to set with family members without being disloyal to the family.

We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and respect for ourselves.

Today, help me start practicing self care with family members. Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control my life, my day, or my feelings. Help me know it's okay to have all my feelings about family members, without guilt or shame.
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Old 07-15-2013, 05:44 PM
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We can love our family and still refuse to buy into their issues. We can love our family but refuse their efforts to manipulate, control, or produce guilt in us.
It took me a long time to realize it is okay to keep distance in any toxic relationship. It took me a long time to be able to own my life, regardless of what anyone thought of my choices.

There are some in my family who I love to see and who I am very close with. Others, I rarely see. To them I send a card maybe twice a year, or an e-mail, to stay connected enough and not become totally estranged...but the truth is, they are probably as happy as I am to keep a distance between us. And that is all perfectly okay.

We don't have to be the Waltons. I prefer to be more like the Baldwin sisters with some mystery and spice in their life.
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Old 07-15-2013, 05:55 PM
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The Baldwin sisters are the best. :rotfxko
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