Recovering very slowly...
 

This is my first post in this forum. I am pretty new. I feel like I need so many answers, because I am feeling traumatized by what I have been living in. He has been out of the house for almost 8 months, but life has been hell for several years. I am only now really starting to feel the fear and pain that was underneath the panic and anger that was there all that time...I am realizing he has been betraying me in many ways for quite some time. He has turned into the greatest and biggest con.

I am wondering if what I am feeling is normal for a spouse of addiction, or if my situation goes beyond that. My husband is an ACOA, an addict, and has gone from being pretty passive to being pretty darn aggressive and blaming. He has told people a lot of lies about me. He yells at me the few times I am willing to talk to him. Our 12 year-old is refusing to see him because mostly he just blames and criticizes me.

I am reading, I am managing life (he has abandoned all responsibility here), I have an attorney, I talk to a counselor, but I am wondering how long it will be before I really start to feel good again.

It takes time, Redwood, and sometimes you have to force yourself to do positive things to take your mind to a better place. Maybe take a course or join a special interest group and take up a new hobby, maybe read some travel books and plan a trip for "someday". Maybe take your daughter for an old fashioned picnic, to a park or a lake to someplace nice where you can enjoy summer and the outdoors. There are so many things we can do to free our minds from the pain and obsession that want to take space there and throw us off balance.

Be patient and take care of yourself and your daughter...and one day soon the new beginnings will begin to unfold for you.

Hugs

You are normal and what you are feeling and going through is normal. Keep coming here and posting. Many will help you and you will learn. You are not alone, don't ever forget that. The lies, cons, betrayal are horrible. Addiction turns normal decent caring humans into zombie monsters with no conscience. (my experience) Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Many others will come along with advice, guidance and support. Hugs

I'm glad you posted. Welcome to the Board. Hopefully while you're here, you can take comfort in the fact you're not alone. Others have been where you are and have come out the other side. There are also some who are, like you, in the middle of hell.

I wish I could tell you that there was some magic shortcut where you can bypass all the things you're feeling now. But there isn't. You have to take what you're feeling head on, as uncomfortable and as painful as it is. For what it's worth, they're just feelings, and while you may think it could kill you, they won't. Your counselor will help you unravel all of this.

I'm thankful that your AH is out of the house, if not out of your life. You can't control what he tells other people. You can't control what other people may believe is going on with you two. Set it aside. Your first priority is protecting your son.

I would strongly encourage you to attend a Nar Anon or Al Anon meeting in your area so that you can receive support in person. You can get through this. You will get through this. You just have to make the best decisions for you and your son, and live life one moment at a time.

Keep us posted as to how you are.

ZoSo