Kandi25

Last night was rough. I was forced to confront my mother on her addiction about a week ago, and rather than face her problems and get help, she left. She is completely in denial over her addiction to Adderall and other uppers. She is in such poor health, having lost over a hundred pounds since she started taking them, that I fear for her life. It scares me even more that she is so in denial. How long and how bad does it have to get before she realizes how deep she is? I feel guilty about her being out on her own, basically homeless, when she has helped me so much in the past. I know that this is the right thing for me and my son, but I can't help feeling terrible about it. She calls me every day in tears, missing her grandson, who she has pretty much helped me raise the past two years. Her guilt trips are the worst.

On top of dealing with all of that, I found out that my father, who has been sober the past two years, relapsed once again on crack. He, unlike my mother, knows he is an addict and has been to rehab almost a dozen times. He is in an unhealthy relationship, trying to "save" his addict girlfriend, and instead she pulled him right down with her, like I told him she would. He called me crying yesterday because she got him to write a bunch of checks, and now he is going to be in serious trouble. As usual, he wants me to come save him. I know I can't, and it's killing me.

The past few days have been so trying, and it's bringing up so many things from my past I thought I've dealt with. My fiance is helping me be strong, but I just want to curl up and give up.

I know I need to let go of them both, but how do I convince myself that I am not condemning them by doing it?

interrupted

If you had the power to make them use, then you would also have the power to make them stop, and we all know that's not the case. Condemn them or not, they're going to do what they're going to do regardless of your thoughts on the matter. Your judgement of them is really beside the point.

You don't always have to answer the phone when they call. If you do, I always like Kindeyes' (and others) advice: say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.

crazybabie

I know I need to let go of them both, but how do I convince myself that I am not condemning them by doing it?


By realizing that you are an individual and your parents are also individuals how can you be condemning anyone simply by taking care of yourself and doing what is healthy for you?

allforcnm

I think you need to realize that IF you parents were both healthy, and not thinking with minds warped by drugs; they would want their daughter to be healthy, and happy. They wouldn't want you to be in so much pain because of their drug induced antics. Deciding on what you and your son need, and then establishing boundaries is a good thing. It is not shutting them out, it is offering them a healthy way into your life.