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My daughter and her addict father.

Old 07-11-2013, 01:57 PM
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My daughter and her addict father.

My addict husband left 7 weeks ago. For the past 5 he has been DEMANDING that he see his daughter. I won't allow it. He is too toxic and was hardly around her for the past year while he was drinking and drugging. He hasn't asked ABOUT her or to talk to her(she's 2 but EXTREMELY verbal) .Only DEMANDING. He's threatened to take her and make sure that I lose the rest of my children aswell so I can "pay for what I did ".I filed for separation and a restraining order for her. I hadn't heard from him in over a week. Our daughter has had a lump on her cheek that was infected for over a month. She has been to the doctor 4 times, a specialist, blood work twice, 3 antibiotics and after it got worse and I was tired of the run around from doctors, my mom and I took her to the emergency room last night. She has MRSA and has to have surgery today. I called to let him know because he has had MRSA and he didn't ask ANYTHING about her, BLAME, BLAME, BLAME!!!
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Old 07-11-2013, 03:10 PM
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Your daughter is in my prayers.
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Old 07-11-2013, 03:44 PM
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Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers
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Old 07-11-2013, 04:51 PM
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Do you have a temporary restraining order? Are you filing for a restraining order to keep him away from you as well as away from your daughter?

When I got an RO, it was made clear to me that I wasn't allowed to do anything to cause him to break it... i.e. calling him for any reason. I would recommend not calling him for anything, even about your daughter. Clearly he does not care about her well-being anyway. It's sad, but to him, she is nothing but a way to 'get to' you.

Sending hugs for you and your daughter.
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Old 07-11-2013, 04:51 PM
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Are you enforcing the order of protection when he contacts you? Hope your daughter heals quickly.
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Old 07-11-2013, 06:10 PM
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that's horrible, here's wishing your daughter a speedy recovery! please take care of the skin after so it doesn't scar and make sure a plastic surgeon operated on it (not the ER docs). if not, you can request one look at the procedure done by the ER doc. good luck!
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Old 07-11-2013, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by sleepy22 View Post
that's horrible, here's wishing your daughter a speedy recovery! please take care of the skin after so it doesn't scar and make sure a plastic surgeon operated on it (not the ER docs). if not, you can request one look at the procedure done by the ER doc. good luck!
Not everybody has money for cosmetic plastic surgery.............. I have MRSA. I think it never fully goes away once you have it, judging by my research at least. It leaves scars and whatnot. Usually, I won't breakout with any boils/cysts/whatever you call them, unless my immune system is lowered from drugs or alcohol, or sickness. Try to keep your daughter as clean as possible, and keep her as healthy as possible. MRSA doesn't go away. It's always with you if you are one susceptible to it. So we just have to be extra clean and careful. Good luck to ya! Sorry about your husband who doesn't help...
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:50 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet daughter. She will be in my prayers.

I understand your frustration regarding your husband. My XAH used to do the same thing. Demands. Rights. But no responsibility. It is very frustrating and there is no simple answer.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:09 PM
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WoW. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, and am sending prayers and blessings that she heals soon.

All I can say is that I feel you. My xah was the same way. He wanted what he wanted and never really tried to co-parent. It can really make one very angry that you do everything for your kid, and I mean EVERYTHING, and the addicts are just completely clueless. They have no clue how to be a father or husband. It is sad.

The only thing I can say (which is hard) is stick to your boundries and just accept the fact that this is who he is. It is probably safe to assume that his demands are not really about seeing his daughter, more about trying to control you and/or the situation. The threats are to get you to give in. The blame is to deflect so he doesn't have to take any responsibility. It is the most difficult thing dealing with an addict because basically there is no rationalizing. There is no compromise. There is no integrity. You are not dealing with a healthy human soul. You are dealing with someone who is very sick. Which is why most on this site suggest no contact. Which may not be an option as you have a child together. So, how can you not let him hurt and anger you? How can you not let him make you sad and depressed? Those are the answers you can only find and discover by healing yourself. Focusing on you and your daughter. It is REALLY hard. Trust me, I went thru it with my x. Maybe just understanding where he is coming from is the first step in letting his chatter go in one ear and out the other.

I really hope your child gets better quickly. take care.
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Old 07-12-2013, 09:35 AM
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You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers, how did the surgery go? I hope it went well and that she's resting sweetly. I'm sorry about her father being so selfish, but I'm glad she has such a great mom. You two will get through this together.
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