oooopps

I've been thinking about my heroin addict ex a lot. He crosses my mind all the time. Although I have not seen him since 2011 and we've had only one phone conversation in 2012... I still think of him often. We were together for 3 years. Is this normal?

I feel like I've come a long way since leaving him. I've allowed myself to heal and found peace in many ways but I dont understand why I still think of him. I know better than to look him up on FB but the thought does cross my mind.

I recently visited the state where he lives to see my girlfriends. I drove all around the city and passed by many places where him and I used to spent time. I did not contact him or try to get in touch with any of his friends/family. I knew better. I ultimately completed the trip and flew back home without having any contact with him or anyone that knows him. This I'm really proud of and the trip was very fulfilling because I got to catch up with my good friends that I havent seen in a couple years.

Anyone share such experience where they've had no contact and made huge progress since leaving their addict... nonetheless the person still haunts them in some aspect?

any insight would be appreciated.

eggdogg1234

I am not a senior member but I still think about about my first girlfriend from 15 years ago and every dog I've had who has passed on. Memories can be strange. Considering you just took a visit to your old town and saw many of the places you both used to hang out, I would say its perfectly normal. In fact I would be more concerned if you didn't have thoughts about him.

Ann

He was a part of your life, a part of who you are and it is normal to have memories and think of him, especially when you are in places that remind you of your time together.

I think of my son more when I am where he used to be, and although my heart feels a tinge of regret for how sad his life turned out, it also smiles at the good memories of better times. It's all part of my history, my learning and my life.

Our hearts and minds remember, whether we want them to or not. If you drive by a house where you once lived, you will have a warm feeling if the memories are good and you will feel a sadness of the memories were bad. It's part of how our bodies and minds remember and process the experience.

You have handled this well, you don't follow up by tracking him down, you accept the memory for what it is and move forward with the lessons in your heart.

Hope this helps a little. When anyone says "senior" these days, I just know they are talking about me.

Kindeyes

Whew. That's good because for a minute I thought they might be talking about me!

Yeah. Perfectly normal. I think occasionally about past loves (from High School for instance!) and wonder what their lives are like.....if they have children......if they have changed.....what they look like now. These thoughts run through my mind but don't linger long.

Yes....you're normal.

gentle hugs
ke

zoso77

My AXGF is part of me. And while I find her extremely distasteful, I'm thankful for my experiences with her.

See...there was always a part of me that was aware of how sick she was. But I chose not to pay attention to that. Instead, I allowed a sick person to poison me because she filled a void in my life in other ways. In hindsight, what we really did was have sex for over a year. There was no relationship in the sense there was give and take. No, I gave, and she took, and I tolerated it.

When it was over, when the cat was out of the bag regarding what she was doing behind my back, it was an incredible moment. Painful, yes, but incredible. It's not very often that someone inadvertently shows their true colors, and she was taking pride in her sadism. It was so easy to move on after that.

One of the takeaways from the experience is I was allowing her to prevent me from reaching my full potential on so many levels. And since she's been out of the way, I've grown so much. In January 2012, I couldn't be as direct and as honest about my role in what was an unhealthy relationship. I can now, though. Since she's been gone, I've completed my MS EE and have totally recovered my professional standing (and then some). So what I do now is use her as a benchmark. With her, I was stuck. Without her, I've progressed.

So, I wouldn't worry about thinking about him, Oooopps. That's normal. But the goal is always to move forward even though he's in your thoughts. Be thankful for your experiences with him, for they've had much to do with how you've grown.

ZoSo

cynical one

I have my AARP card, so I too qualify.

You can’t control how you feel. But, you can control how you react to those feelings. You didn’t resort to old codependent behaviors. Instead you used the tools of recovery that you have learned and had a good time despite being in a “place” that triggered you. Good on ya!

jerect

I have found that with me once I've been out of a toxic situation for a while I start remembering all of the good things about an ex rather then the rotten, horrible stuff about them.. Maybe that's what's happening... I think it's normal in a way... That's why I'm so glad I've always journaled so when I start asking what if I can go back and read my past and say THANK GOD IM Not... What's helped me is when I start thinking about an ex is just in my mind, sending them light, love and peace... It's a great healing tool for me and a good way of letting things be as they are...

oooopps

Thanks everyone for your input! You're all so funny. By "senior" member, I meant those of you who have been on SR for a while and know what recovery looks like. LoL

story74

It has been 2 years for me. I feel strong and healthy. I feel confident and like where my life is going. I feel happier than I have felt in years. That being said, I think about my xah at least 1 time a day. I have accepted that I still love him and miss him. He will always be a part of me. He is my sons father. We spent 16 years together. I always wonder if one day he will stop crossing my mind. It does annoy me at times. I want to be able to say I have moved on 100%. Maybe it is because we had no closure, he just abandoned is. Maybe because I am still working through some issues. Who knows. Allowing myself to admit that I still love him has helped me just accept it. I always feel allowing yourself to feel and work through things is how you heal. It really takes time.