painter

Been a long, long time. My AD is doing great. Been clean and sober for 3 months. She has a job, is paying off her fines. working toward a goal for first time in years. She started using right out of high school, she now 30. She and her 4 kids live with me and my husband. It has been a massive adjustment for us to adjust to their needs. But we are so happy that she is clean. I would like to understand what she is going thru. She is moody, sad, short tempered. She does great at her job, but once home she withdraws. She doesn't talk much, looks sad, doesn't have patience with kids. She closes herself off. Is it just becasue I am her mother or is this because her brain and body are getting clean. How long does it take before things get back to somewhat normal???? Thanks for any info......

eggdogg1234

3 months is not that long of a time, I don't remember anything being normal in terms of my ex even after she had a year of sobriety. However...how are you doing? You have made some big adjustments to accommodate her.

Kindeyes

Three months is a very short time clean. She has a lot to deal with regarding her past and her addiction. But those things are for her to deal with.....I just hope she has some help (counseling, NA, something......to help her). I also hope that you have something to help you as well.

So glad to hear that she is clean and sober. I'll keep her, you and her kids in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

painter

Thanks for replys. I know nothing about recovery. I want to understand what an addict goes thru. I have heard on television that it takes at least a year for the addict's brain to get back to normal. What about the body. I had a light bulb moment the other nite. She doesn't know how to deal with her kids. Well, duh, she hasn't dealt with her kids cause she was high. She had to learn how to be a parent. I deal with kids with love and rules. She just gets stressed and overwhelmed. I guess I just want to understand what changes are going on in her body and brain. Maybe I can be more supportive and understanding.

eggdogg1234

The best thing you can do for her (in my opinion) is live your life. The way to be supportive is to let her live her life. Recovery is not an event it is a process. It is a process that never ends. Just when you think you have a handle on it something new reveals itself. Addiction is insidious and cunning.

One of my favorite analogies about the co-addict and the addict is stepping into a fresh warm wad of bubblegum. When you try and get it off your shoe it gets stuck to your hands, when you try to get it off your hands it gets all over your shirt, you get flustered and wipe the sweat off your brow and now you have gum on your forehead. Do your best to not get involved with her addiction but support her recovery (you do not need to understand addiction recovery to support the healthy side of her). Probably not the answer you wanted and probably not an answer at all.

Only other addicts can truly understand what she is going through so unless you want to start a bad drug habit just be yourself and start identifying your boundaries or you too will have bubblegum all over you and trust me and the board...it takes a lifetime of personal recovery to get all the gum off of you.

Analogies aside, find an alanon group you feel comfortable with, maybe reach out to a drug counselor, check the stickies on this board there should be plenty of books/forum writings that can give you an idea of what addiction and recovery is like. DO NOT put her needs before your own even though it will be easy and seem very very logical. I can't speak to the issue of children as I have none, but there are plenty of moms on here that can give you the low down.