Heroin addiction, I was confided in...please help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 16
Heroin addiction, I was confided in...please help.
Hello all,
I was recently faced with a friend's problem and need some serious insight, I'm losing sleep.
I've known this guy for a few months. He's someone I would say I care about but we definitely aren't on the road to a romantic relationship as we are both young and "not ready" for that. Anyway, he recently revealed to me he started using again. While I'm glad he told me because he finds me easy to talk to and trustworthy, I am losing sleep over it. I reacted calmly, tried to be as objective as possible, and he seemed to appreciate that...he said that it just became available to him (which I told him is not an excuse, he can't do that to himself or his loved ones.) but he stopped responding to my text messages, so I started freaking out thinking something had happened. He "fell asleep". He told me he was okay and not to worry, he did not want to make me upset or think I would react that way, etc. so the next day we talked a little but it didn't come up again. I told him I was here for him whenever, etc... but I am so nervous.
I have no idea what to do. I've known people addicted to heroin and other drugs but I've honestly never had someone confide in me in this way. And now I feel compelled to help... how though? How do I help without overstepping my boundaries? How do I give him enough space but not too much so he thinks I don't care? I feel guilty and responsible if something were to happen.. I'm so scared right now. I am not sure if he knows what a toll this is putting on me.. I don't even know if he can realize it. Someone please offer help. I'd love to talk to someone one on one if possible..feel free to inbox me. Thank you.
I was recently faced with a friend's problem and need some serious insight, I'm losing sleep.
I've known this guy for a few months. He's someone I would say I care about but we definitely aren't on the road to a romantic relationship as we are both young and "not ready" for that. Anyway, he recently revealed to me he started using again. While I'm glad he told me because he finds me easy to talk to and trustworthy, I am losing sleep over it. I reacted calmly, tried to be as objective as possible, and he seemed to appreciate that...he said that it just became available to him (which I told him is not an excuse, he can't do that to himself or his loved ones.) but he stopped responding to my text messages, so I started freaking out thinking something had happened. He "fell asleep". He told me he was okay and not to worry, he did not want to make me upset or think I would react that way, etc. so the next day we talked a little but it didn't come up again. I told him I was here for him whenever, etc... but I am so nervous.
I have no idea what to do. I've known people addicted to heroin and other drugs but I've honestly never had someone confide in me in this way. And now I feel compelled to help... how though? How do I help without overstepping my boundaries? How do I give him enough space but not too much so he thinks I don't care? I feel guilty and responsible if something were to happen.. I'm so scared right now. I am not sure if he knows what a toll this is putting on me.. I don't even know if he can realize it. Someone please offer help. I'd love to talk to someone one on one if possible..feel free to inbox me. Thank you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The world of active addiction and the world of sobriety are planets apart and it is very hard for one to interact with the other in a healthy way.
Take a read around, especially the stickies at the top of this forum, and you will see the dark place this all can lead you. You cannot save him and trying often leads to enabling, it's a never ending dance of codependency and addiction and only goes in circles.
You are not the solution to his problem, rehab, meetings, recovery programs, therapy might be, but thinking you can be "the one" to save him is an illusion that has exhausted many of us here.
Give thought to where this is going and ask yourself if you are already badly affected by the darkness of addiction. It's a scary place to be.
Hugs
Take a read around, especially the stickies at the top of this forum, and you will see the dark place this all can lead you. You cannot save him and trying often leads to enabling, it's a never ending dance of codependency and addiction and only goes in circles.
You are not the solution to his problem, rehab, meetings, recovery programs, therapy might be, but thinking you can be "the one" to save him is an illusion that has exhausted many of us here.
Give thought to where this is going and ask yourself if you are already badly affected by the darkness of addiction. It's a scary place to be.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
just because someone confides in us, that does not mean we are compelled to DO anything about it. you guys have only known each other a few MONTHS, you are not romantically involved (or are you??) and he just dropped a pretty heavy bomb. and now YOU are a mess and losing sleep over someone else's problem.
you are NOT responsible for him. you don't have near enough time invested for that to even be a consideration. his addiction was there LONG before you came along and now he's at it again. not yours to fix. HIS to fix. i'd suggest wishing him well, remind him there is TONS of help available for addiction and then back off.....way off.
you are NOT responsible for him. you don't have near enough time invested for that to even be a consideration. his addiction was there LONG before you came along and now he's at it again. not yours to fix. HIS to fix. i'd suggest wishing him well, remind him there is TONS of help available for addiction and then back off.....way off.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
“The lesson I was learning involved the idea that I could feel compassion for people without acting on it. ” - Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time
This is from my signature line. It was a very long and traumatic lesson learned, and it nearly destroyed me.
Please read the stickies at the top of this forum carefully and with an open mind.
The only offer available for my addicted loved ones now is that ride to rehab. I still love them dearly, but they know the way out.
Welcome!
This is from my signature line. It was a very long and traumatic lesson learned, and it nearly destroyed me.
Please read the stickies at the top of this forum carefully and with an open mind.
The only offer available for my addicted loved ones now is that ride to rehab. I still love them dearly, but they know the way out.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
If he has ever been to rehab or to NA meetings, he knows what to do. There is no sense in losing sleep over something that you have no control over. He's going to do what he's going to do.
If you really want to help I might suggest that you read everything you can get your hands on about codependence. I'm not suggesting that you're codependent but it's important to understand what it is so that you don't begin those enabling behaviors. Unfortunately, that's when helping is hurting.....in a big way.
You could lead by example and go to Nar-Anon meetings. Those are support meetings for the friends and family of addicts.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
If you really want to help I might suggest that you read everything you can get your hands on about codependence. I'm not suggesting that you're codependent but it's important to understand what it is so that you don't begin those enabling behaviors. Unfortunately, that's when helping is hurting.....in a big way.
You could lead by example and go to Nar-Anon meetings. Those are support meetings for the friends and family of addicts.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 16
Thank you all. You are completely right. I suppose I have never been in this situation, which makes it hard.. I've known many affected by this drug, including my uncle.. and my old childhood friend and friend's brother in law both died because of it. Despite this I have never had someone confide in me about it, so I never had this dilemma.. but you are all 100% right, and that is exactly the advice I would give to someone when looking at the situation objectively. He was in rehab before, so he knows the deal. All I can do is pray for him and wish him the best..Thanks all so much. You're insight is appreciated more than you know.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
