littlemissanon

I was dating a recovering heroin addict for about six months. I thought everything was going great, but a week ago he started acting kind of weird. He kept trying to reassure me and stuff but I knew something was wrong so a few days later I told him I wasn't sure things were working. He told me he was confused about his feelings about the relationship, he said he felt like they got shut off somehow and he couldn't control it. He said he didn't want the relationship to be over, but that it was, and that it probably would've happened "sooner or later."

The reason I'm here is that all of this happened around the two-year mark of his sobriety. I'm the first girl he dated after getting clean. He'd been telling me he was having "weird dreams" and having trouble sleeping for a bit before this, and the last time I saw him was on the actual two year anniversary. When he told me that he didn't sound happy about it, and he spent the rest of the weekend telling me he needed space.

This is the first time I've ever known a recovering addict and I don't know how this stuff works. Do you think this breakup has to do with his sobriety? I'm worried he's using again or something.

Shiek

It's hard to know what's going through someones head, heroin is a hell of a drug to overcome and that is fabulous he made it 2 years sober, good for him, but in my honest personal opinion his behavior sounds a little edgy to me and also a little suspicious, saying that, he could just be saying genuine things, his feelings might have changed but he could also have fallen off the wagon from pressure to stay sober another year and make it to a 3 year mark, it's hard to tell since you aren't around him...I'm sorry you are going through this, all you can do at this point is wonder, but try and do things to keep your mind off it, positive things, maybe he just needs some time to think (or maybe he is using) but you can't worry about it, just take care of yourself

laurie6781

Doesn't sound suspicious to me.

Anniversary or Birthday time is a rough time. Usually the 'reflection' starts about 4 weeks before and the feelings end up all over the place, and if in a fairly new relationship the A will start questioning themselves to the point of total confusion.

This can go on for several Birthdays. I finally started staying a lot more sane by about the time I hit 8 years or so. But I used to liken my birthdays to 2 months straight of very very bad PMS.

Whether he will change his mind or not, I cannot say. But since this was his first 'relationship' in recovery, probably not.

It wouldn't hurt you to check out some Naranon meetings or Alanon meetings for YOU. They are really great in helping the individual to work on their own defects of character and become a better person than they are now.

Love and hugs,

littlemissanon

thank you both for your comments.

his recovery is the most important thing and i am still happy that he's alive, and possibly even thriving - even if it means not being with me.

he has done so many things that truly showed how little he thought of himself, things that could have killed him many times over. and he has come so far in rebuilding his sense of self-worth and self-respect. maybe he's not far enough along to share himself with another person yet, but i am grateful both that i know him and that he came through his years of actively using in one piece.