jzeb2008

I filed for legal separation from my opiate addict/alcoholic husband. I also filed for a restraining order to protect our daughter from him taking her from me like he has threatened to do. He has been playing these constant, sick mind games for the past 5 weeks since he left, claiming only to want to be able to visit with his daughter. I believe that it's only a form of control. He is claiming to be 100% sober. So, an alcoholic of 15 years and opiate addict of 4 years, moves out of the home with his wife that has been begging him for years to get clean, moves in with his alcohol/ addict mother who GIVES him her pills and tells him that he doesn't have any problems and, with no treatment of ANY. kind, gets clean?!?! Was I born yesterday? His behavior sure hasn't changed. My question is, can I request for him to get in-patient treatment and yesterday clean before having visitation with our daughter?

aw58

Hi I doubt very much he is clean, I think it will take longer then 5 weeks. How old is your Daughter ? and is she missing her Daddy. Your first reaction is to protect your child and I agree he should not have contact on his own until he can prove he is capable of looking after her and himself. In the UK we have contact centres where you can take your child and its a secure and safe environment the court can order this. My Father was an alcoholic and when I was 10 my parents split up I didn't see my Father again till I was 40 years old I missed him deeply but my Mother thought it was the best thing to do , to keep him away, it wasn't the best thing for me, I wanted to see my Father sober or drunk to me it wasn't an issue, yes I was to young to understand, but I could have gone to my Grandmas to a relatives. What I'm saying is you are right to protect your child but let your child see her Daddy in a safe place ..

LoveMeNow

What about supervised visits, with him paying for them?

Faithlove

You can request anything you want to a court. It depends on the judge on whether or not your AH will be required to complete some sort of treatment plan before he is granted visitation.

However, I would say any judge would easily require an addict parent to pass a drug screen before that parent could exercise unsupervised visitation with their child. I'd suggest him having to pass random hair follicle and random UA. If he can't, then he should have supervised visits (to which he shows up clean or his visit is revoked). A visitation center would be wonderful but not all areas have that option.

story74

You can request anything. It all depends on the quality of your lawyer, supporting info and the judges ruling. One thing I would of loved to add that if my xah missed 3 consecutive supervised visits he would loose all rights and then visitation would be my choice. Not sure if that would have flied, but my x legally has the right to 2hrs supervised visits. Other than that I have full custody. Right now we haven't seen him for 8 months. It just seems unfair that he can show up whenever and want to see his son...without any consideration on my sons mental health. Another thing you might want to consider is that he proves 1 year recovery before any rights are reinstated. Good luck.

sleepy22

jzeb: I am so sorry for what you're going through. That's terrible and I hope you an get a good family lawyer who's aggressive and will fight for your rights and protect your children at the same time. As hard as it is, try not to make it about him but for the children.

story74: Your advice is great! It really is about the lawyer, unfortunately, and diligent note taking. My current xagf has visitation rights to our son, and unfortunately, she came in high as hell the last time. It was obvious form the black eye, track marks, bruise and scrapes all over her body and really noticeable weight loss that she had been on a binge. She has supervised visits and I let the visitation people know I was leaving him there under duress, but according to my lawyer, she can visit high as long as it doesn't affect her ability to play with the kids. She is also supervised. She doesn't need to take a UA before and has not continued treatment. Hopefully she can get in and take care of herself. She's missed 5 out of 8 visits but hopefully (I'm praying), she'll make it to the next 6 before our court date for the sake of my son. He does need to see his mother, no matter how much I feel against her doing so.

My two cents: Get an attorney who specializes in defending the parents in family court. There are attorneys who specialize in protecting the children and apparently my attorney is one of those. She hasn't been aggressive enough for me and according to other legal counsel I've asked, should have gotten me out of the CPS system long ago. Expensive mistake, but worth the lesson learned.

GnarlyWoman

Luckily my granddaughter had a court appointed Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). This came about when my AD tried to leave her addicted boyfriend/father of the child last summer and he refused to set up any kind of visitation. To our benefit he also showed his proverbial behind to the court staff who in turn informed the judicial officers. This brought about the GAL appointment.

A few months later when I realized that the AD had started using again with him and they were both shooting up - I made the GAL aware of everything. With some legal processes - Guardianship granted to me, and the Court stipulated certain requirements of both parents. AD's requirement was to complete inpatient drug rehab. The BF had to complete inpatient drug rehab and take anger management classes.

The AD completed her rehab and is by choice 61 days clean as of today. But with pending court issues and her still rebuilding the mess of her life to include getting arrested, returning the grandbaby is a ways off. The (now EX) BF is sitting in jail now.

Find out what laws are in effect in your area to help you protect the kids. Be sure you document everything, bring witnesses if necessary. Good luck!