focusonme

I just need to type all this out and reread for my own sake. Discovered AH addiction last year and throughout the last year the relationship between us got worse and any effort to reconcile through counselling, talking etc was sabotaged. I know my husband is sick and he is still protecting his addiction and can't see any other way of being. He is in recovery in that he is clean, he attends meetings and sees a counsellor but he is highly influenced by his alcoholic family members who are not in recovery so any progress gets sabotaged.

I don't know who he is anymore and have exhausted all channels available to me to work at the damage done. We don't speak to each other anymore unless it relates to our young son. As things deteriorated I contacted a lawyer stating my intention to seperate and this week my husband has instructed his lawyer to proceed with the seperation.

I am devastated. I know I have done everything possible and I know that the living situation is not sustainable and it's in everyone's best interest to end the marriage but I'm struggling to accept my Higher Powers Will for me in this and am hurting deeply. Letting go of my marriage and my husband is one of the most painful and difficult things Im having to do in my life. The reality is I know he was never mine to begin with and I'm filled with sadness as I love the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with so much.

I have to trust that my Higher Power has a bigger and better plan for me and am trying to remember that, but this hurts beyonds my ability to cope. I've spent the last 3 days crying and I know its only the tip of the iceberg as there is so many suppressed emotions that I have to deal with before I can heal.

Yet I have complete surrender now to my Higher Power's Will for me and I pray for the strength to carry that out. I am powerless over addiction and have to let go. I am grateful for AlAnon and the 12 steps for without it I don't know how I would be.

Ann

I'm glad you have meetings and support, this is a very sad time for you and grief is a normal part of healing.

Crying for 3 days is not healthy, maybe make an effort to take time to go for a walk in nature or go to the library and find some good books that will help take your mind to a better place right now. Distract yourself from the sadness, that's not the same as stuffing emotions, it's a way to ensure the sadness doesn't take over your life.

My heart goes out for you. It won't be painful forever, one day you will find new beginnings and be able to smile once again...I promise.

Hugs

focusonme

Thank you for your kind words. The sadness has indeed the potential to take over my life and I can see that from your words. I will focus on my gratitude list and get out to a meeting later for support.

This too shall pass.

ShootingStar1

My heart goes out to you. Always remember, you are not alone. Many are walking this path with you, and many have gone on to better happier paths.

ShootingStar1

Ann

When I was in my darker days, I learned to alot a specific amount of time to sit in my sadness. Many times I had to force myself to be with people, even if it was just to walk to a shop or sit in a park reading, I just made myself do it because it was a good thing to do....like eating broccoli some days, lol.

Distracting ourselves from our pain is healthy. When we feel obsessive or sad, the best thing to do is to find something, anything that will take our minds some place else.

There is an old thread here, I will see if I can find it, it may be up in the sticky threads...it is called "How to Have Fun Even When You Don't Feel Like It". It is about getting out of ourselves and into the world again...even if we don't feel like it.

You will be okay, better days are ahead, just find your balance and keep your focus on bringing some light into your life.

Hugs

Ann

Here it is. Keep in mind that I originally posted this thread in 2002 (wow, so many years ago now) and some of the names and replies are from that time and not today.

Many of the links got messed up over time, so just skip the confusing parts and enjoy the read.

Hope it helps you a little.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...feel-like.html

focusonme

Thanks for the list Ann. Surprisingly I do a lot of them things since I joined Al Anon especially gardening and cycling. I am enjoying my childhood all over again with my son too and spend as much time on the floor with him as I can.

I'm feeling stronger again today. The realisation that my sadness was taking over kicked me into touch. I attended a meeting last night too and although I didn't share I got perspective so hopefully back on track now again.

My AH is away for the week and I haven't heard from him which is good for me and giving me space for a change. However,it brings sadness too that he didn't enquire about his son, but then thats his loss.

Thanks for the support. I'm grateful to have found this site.