THE phone call
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
allfor - you are missing a really key point here....THIS guy is not In recovery, not even close yet. she just got her CAR back! I think it's a bit early to start touting how we should consider poor him and what addiction does to him and how he just needs time. he pawned items from the household, including some of her jewelry, and then took off and left her stranded with children and no transportation. he's been out of the house a mere two weeks. dude has been shooting up methamphetamine...
please. we aren't here to help or defend the addict. we are here to help those friends and family who have been suffering from the crushing devastation of addiction. we have moms and children left stranded, with no money, under threats or acts of violence...children that hide in their rooms when it gets bad...wives who believe it is THEIR fault. it isn't always advisable to tell them to just hang in there!
please. we aren't here to help or defend the addict. we are here to help those friends and family who have been suffering from the crushing devastation of addiction. we have moms and children left stranded, with no money, under threats or acts of violence...children that hide in their rooms when it gets bad...wives who believe it is THEIR fault. it isn't always advisable to tell them to just hang in there!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Thkyou allforcnm. Yes i wish there was a manual. Every situation does seen unique. Very similar but still unique & there are different outcomes for different people. If people knew how a 'good' outcome was possible everytime we wouldn't all be here.
Knowing my husband, I know he will be feeling regret. Or the man I use to know would be feeling like total s***. i spose I've been to trying to figure out if he's still the same person under the addiction, feeling ashamed, or if he's completely shut us off. I think I'm over-analysing the situation & what may be going through his head. There hasn't been any closure, no discussion, no nothing & it may always be that way. I need to accept what's happened, work on myself & look after my girls. I really am working hard at this.
I won't cut slack for his behaviours in his current state but, if in recovery, I am open to working things through. Not until then though. I know I'm not perfect either I know that. I see why it's so important to work on yourself. It's the only thing you can control.
Knowing my husband, I know he will be feeling regret. Or the man I use to know would be feeling like total s***. i spose I've been to trying to figure out if he's still the same person under the addiction, feeling ashamed, or if he's completely shut us off. I think I'm over-analysing the situation & what may be going through his head. There hasn't been any closure, no discussion, no nothing & it may always be that way. I need to accept what's happened, work on myself & look after my girls. I really am working hard at this.
I won't cut slack for his behaviours in his current state but, if in recovery, I am open to working things through. Not until then though. I know I'm not perfect either I know that. I see why it's so important to work on yourself. It's the only thing you can control.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
This was written by an addict and I have yet to read any other addict dispute it's truthfulness.
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
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