Hope33

Although I've been a member of this board for a couple of years now I never posted. When I first found out about my husband cocaine use I came across another board first and posted there. After seeking more information I found Sober Recovery and just constantly read from this site. My husband actually quit cocaine (cold turkey) and was doing really well. Although I know a support system is usually needed, my husband refused to get any outside help. I was hesitate, but to my surprise he was following through with his goals. He started working again, keeping money, being more reliable, eating again, exercising again, and spending quality time with me and our daughter.

I let him move back in and things were going great for a while. Now for the last couple of months I started noticing mood swings and they have gotten worst. They got so bad last week I told him to leave. I just couldn't take it anymore. I've held my tongue, hoping things would get better, but they did not. He keeps blowing up on me and our daughter for the least little thing. When this first started my daughter was in middle school and she just completed her first year of high school. She's definitely aware of the situation and when he got better he actually was honest with her and told her why he had not been her life, but he's sorry and will make things right. I've never talk to my daughter about my suspicions of him using again, but a few weeks ago she brought it up to me because she noticed the difference in him as well.

I've also wondered could I be wrong about this. Maybe because of his past use he now has a mental disorder. I know before when he was using his nose was always red and every few days he seem like he had a cold. Also he stopped working, started staying out all night, drinking, smoking cigarettes and would never keep any promises. This time I'm only noticing the mood swings, he's eating less, and he doesn't seem to have much time for me an my daughter anymore. I've asked him and he said no. He said he's just stressed out, but my gut says he's using. I feel lost and over whelmed again. I was so happy I thought we had a future together again and now I think this is it. I don't think I'm ever getting my real husband back. It just makes me feel so sad because we have been together since high school. I know addiction is powerful, but I do feel like he's choosing this over us.

interrupted

Trust your gut. And your daughter's gut. Something isn't right. Even if it's not drugs, it probably is, but even if it's not, his behavior is unacceptable. It's not okay to "blow up" at a child for no reason. It's not okay to "blow up" at all.

Sometimes it helps to take the drugs out of the picture and just look at the behavior. If it's not drugs, that still doesn't make it okay.

Trust yourself. And I'm glad you finally made an account, keep posting!

totfit

I don't know whether he is using or not. Often drug use or drinking masks underlying issues with anxiety or depression, that may already be there prior to using. I know that I depend on exercise to regulate my moods. If I don't get adequate exercise my axiety kicks and I have issues.

This being said, he may very well be using again. One thing for certain, if there were issues before, then time will tell for sure and likely not a whole lot of time. Either way it sounds like some type of help or an increase in healthy activities is in order. It is also up to you to decide your boundaries either way and for your health to stick with them. I hope this is just a temporary blip in his radar, but just take care of yourself and daughter.

Hope33

Thank you interrupted and totfit for the response. Your both right I need to trust my gut and also take care of myself and my daughter. Over the pass few weeks everything just got worst and I knew deep down inside something was not right. The last incident which caused me to throw him out, he really belittled me in front of our daughter. As he was screaming at me and making me seem like I was worthless, I could only think about my daughter and if I allowed him to treat me that way she would allow someone to treat her the same way. The craziest thing, this outburst was caused because we made plans to go out to lunch and after being OK with it, his whole demeanor changed later. He became very upset about it and was in a big rush. Lately he's always in a rush.

My husband downfall seem to happened when he got his license reinstated and what should have been progress seem to made everything go downhill. Again I can't be for sure if he is using again, but I know I'm feeling the same way as I did in the past. He constantly denied using until one day it came all out. He has no feelings like before, he's just very cold. I hate this drug and all drugs. Cocaine has really destroyed our lives. It took a caring man and turned him into a complete monster. I know I will be better I just feel so down right now.

gfwhoneverknew

I'm sry hope33! My adbf when using was always rush rush. That stood out when I read ur post but that doesn't mean he's using. I'm sry u r going thru this and am proud u stand up for urself n daughter! I totally won't allow anyone to call me names etc...esp. my bf! They are to build u up, not tear u down. Ill say a prayer for u!

Hope33

I feel so sad today. I've been trying to focus and stay strong, but today just has not been a good day at all. I saw my husband on Sunday and he complained about being so tired. I asked him what he was doing and he said he spent Saturday evening hanging out at the bar. I guess he's definitely going back to his old ways. We don't hear from him unless we attempt to call him. I asked him if he missed us and he said right now he just need time to focus on himself and I should do the same. I asked him again if he was using and of course he said no. I feel like he's throwing me and our daughter away again.

When I first found out about his cocaine use a few years ago I was devastated, but I had some hope that he would get better. At the time I felt crazy because my father just passed away and then when I needed my husband the most he was gone in his own world. A lot went on, but basically he lost everything then finally after being kicked out of a couple of places he went to live with his mother. One day he called me and said he never stopped loving me and he's sorry he made a mess of everything. He said he would straighten up. I did not believe him, but he actually started to change. He did quit like he promised and was very focused on staying clean and he really started to act like my old husband again. One day he took me out and bought me a ring as symbol of better things to come. Just when everything started to go good again, something happen to make everything go in reverse. Now I have no hope.

zoso77

I honestly don't know if your AH is using. But that's besides the point.

He's behaving in a way that's detrimental to your emotional well-being, and that of your daughter's. So even if he didn't pick up, his behavior is still something that you consider unacceptable.

Hopefully, someone more versed on coke will chime in.

ZoSo

eggdogg1234

In my 7 years of living with an addict my gut was never wrong...ever.

jerect

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Neither was mine!!!

KKE

I think we could go through a list of physical signs of cocaine use (biggest one for me is the nose and what's stuck up there!) but for me personally I can get really hung up on if he has or hasn't. In the past I've literally turned into a forensic detective/scientist trying to gather evidence that would prove my partner has used drugs. In the end it just messed my head up even more! I think what everyone is saying is right, trust your gut instinct.

pravchaw

Having lived with an active addict (my son), I can say some physical distance is the best for us. Sure I miss him and worry about him, but I don't have a front seat view of his downward spiral. Also he is now free to experience his consequences.

Hope33

Thanks for responding everyone. I'm feeling pretty good today. I thought I would be down since today is the 4th, but surprisingly I'm not. We originally had plans to have a BBQ and light fireworks, but he called my daughter to cancel, claiming that he's having car trouble. He did arrange for his sister to take my daughter out for the day with her kids. When I saw his sister we talked for a little bit and I told her about my suspicions and she said the same thoughts crossed her mind. He's staying with his mother and his sister was staying there temporally too. She said he seemed a little off and was always in and out of the house constantly. She actually asked her aunt if he was using again and she said no. She asked her aunt because she said he's been hanging out with her a lot lately. I had no idea he's been hanging out with the aunt again, although she's his aunt they are close in age and I know she likes to party, drink, and use sometimes too. I also know she will lie for him, she's done it in the past. I know one thing, although I miss him I'm enjoying the quite time. It was becoming unbearable with the constant mood swings. He can be very nasty and you never knew what was going to set him off. Oh, and Pravchaw you are right, he is now free to experience his consequences.