Needingadvice1

His brothers arrived last night & found him. By their description he was high but they're still learning the signs. 2 came back here & stayed with me & the girls last night & the other brother stayed with him. He agreed to leave with them to go back to the town he grew up in, 5hrs away. There's no help there but at least he is away from this terrible place & he'll hopefully get some perspective? I didn't see him but packed a bag & wrote a short letter telling him i love him but it is too dangerous for him to be around me & our babies until he is in recovery. its up to him now. ive done everything i can.
I have my car back. I'm relieved the drama is over.
But... my heart is breaking. I know this is the best possible option but it really, really, really hurts. I wonder how long it take to stop feeling like this. I plan to feel sorry for myself for a few days then start sorting out our lives.
Thx for listening

Kindeyes

Glad you have your car back....you will all be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

Sara21

I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to hurt a lot and it's going to hurt for a while.

You might start doubting yourself, but know that you did the right thing and that you are protecting yourself and your kids.

Even though we are not the ones who are using drugs, they still wreak havoc in our lives. Take this as an opportunity to work on YOUR recovery. We cannot control the addicts in our lives, but we can learn to take care of ourselves so that their addiction doesn't consume us.

Please take care of yourself.
Hugs

Antonchigurh

NeedingAdvice- It may not feel like it but YOU'RE a success story. The failures are the ones who stay and subject their kids and themselves to the addict because they don't want to be alone. Good work, I say!

Needingadvice1

Thkyou for you lovely words.
Can I ask a question? Is it normal to look back on things & start blaming yourself now that the drama has stopped. I was reading over mine & his cell messages to each other over the last 6 or do much. I must love punishing myself! I was so mean. He was disappearing for days, weeks at a time & I couldn't understand why. He wouldnt answer my calls so i would just fire off text after text. No reply would just make me angrier.
Now i know it was due to his addiction. I said some terrible things. Some of his replies were that he loved me & could he come home. I would reply nasty texts again & then eventually let him back home.
Maybe if I wasn't so nasty he wouldn't be this deep into drugs & be in this dark place now, unrecognisable to me. We've had such a terrible 12 months. Maybe I should've tried harder.
Oh man.
Is it normal to go through all these feelings or am I just messed up?

Baloo

Needingadvice,

He chose it. Don't forget that. I relate to what you are saying though. We have loose ends because we weren't perfect either. Far from it. But, he can choose recovery and you and your children. Then you can practice being perfect to each other. Sorry for your hurt.

atalose

It’s ok to hurt, it stinks sure but we need to learn to feel it, work through it and not make ill decisions when it gets to difficult.

We can tend to mirror the addict when it comes to dealing with feelings, they use to avoid them, we end up taking back drunks/addicts who are not recovered in order to stop our hurt and painful feelings.

Just like drink/drugs is never the solution…..neither is a un-healthy addicted person. They can’t solve their problems let alone ours.

He’s making a decision and only time will tell if it’s a good one. AA meetings are all over the place. Addiction help is all over the place HE just has to want to find it.

I think with each day that passes that you are NOT fully involved with HIS recovery or HIS using….the less and less pain you will feel.

Needingadvice1

Thank you all for your support x