I ran into the ex
 

Well there he was in all his glory sitting at the bar drinking. So much for his newfound sobriety. Two months ago when he swore he would send me the money he owed me, he claimed he just needed to stay away from drugs and the bar. He was never one to want to go out to the bar much so it's interesting he's now been spotted at the bars the last few weeks. His drugs of choice were in pill form.

I am proud of myself actually. I walked in with 3 friends. The funny part is that we all sat down at a table right next to him and were there for a little while before I even realized he was sitting next to us! My friend said my eyes just got super wide and I said OM-f'n-G. She said we are leaving. I said absolutely not. I knew he would leave if we didn't and I didn't feel the need to ruin my plans for him ever again. I didn't look at him again. Not once. I never spoke a word to him. Five minutes later he went to the bathroom and left with the guy he was with.

I wanted so bad to tell him off, tell him how disgusting he is, tell him he needs to pay me back all the money he owed me, tell him I can't stand him. But......what's the point? That would have been the old me that cared. He looked bad. I know he's not sober. I'm sure he had popped a few pills before he went out and if he hadn't he will be soon.

Best part.........I am not feeling as bad as I thought I would be feeling. Unfortunately its caused me to think about his more than I want to today but at least I know his claim of sobriety is total BS just like everything else that's ever come out of his mouth.

I hope I never see his face again. He looked disgusting.

Nothing is more frustrating than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. ~Melody Beattie~

Expecting an active addict to act responsibly is futile, it just isn't going to happen.

Instead of paying you, he will continue to abuse substances because that's what active addicts do. Expect nothing less and let the courts take care of chasing him for money whenever he finally gets some.

I'm glad you didn't give in to your need to call him names and tell him off. In the end that would have hurt you as much as it would have hurt him.

If you want to avoid him, maybe don't go to bars that he frequents. Maybe don't go to bars at all?

It's entirely up to you how you want to handle this, but if you truly want no contact you may have to put some effort into getting it.

Hugs

Thanks Ann. I actually didn't think I would ever run into him there. I'm surprised he was there. A few weeks ago, I posted I completely avoided going to a festival where my mom was working because I had a bad feeling about it. I dodged that bullet because he ended up there and I was happy I didn't have to see him. This place is actually a restaurant/bar that's on the water that we frequent when I'm out on the boat with family/friends but I see your point. I will have to place it on my list of places not to go for awhile at least.

I gave up on expecting him to pay me back awhile ago. I appreciate your honest post.

A song by Sister Hazel comes to mind called "Thank You". The chorus goes:

You were the one that taught me what I don't need
And I thank you, I thank you for that.
You were the one who brought me to my senses
And I thank you, now just leave me alone.

Feeling disgust for him is fine, I think. His behavior's been disgusting. But it also sounds like you're just over the threshold in terms of how he affects you emotionally. You saw him, you felt what you felt, and you simply sat with it and didn't let it eat away at you. And that's a huge deal, Madison. Huge.

So, keep going forward...

ZoSo

Thanks zoso. I was completely fine for the rest of the weekend. The last two nights have not been so good. I've been having dreams about him now thinking about him way too much. Not missing him. Just can't shake him out of my head. My daughter is with her dad this week so I've had way more free time to think. I suppose this is normal. I thought I was handling the run in without caring at all but it was a delayed reaction.

The worse part is thinking back to all the times I took him back and saying to myself "what the hell were you thinking Madison!!" I've been reading these boards more the last few days. It helps remind me where I was and how truly insane both of us became. None of it is more insane than the fact I couldn't or wouldn't see it while I was in it. I've been thinking about my behavior in that relationship and how off balance, sick and twisted I started to become. I've been thinking of how I became a shell. I've been thinking more about me instead of his behavior and its tough.

This is difficult. I guess I gave myself a little too much credit for being stronger than I was. Urgh.