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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2
New to forum
Hello,
I just joined this forum because my 19 year old nephew is in rehab for the third time in a year - opiate addiction. I am worried sick about him and feel helpless as there doesn't seem to be any thing I can do. I live 850 miles away from him and want to show him my support but he is allowed no communication, which I do understand. Just thought this forum might help me understand more about his addiction and offer some suggestions as to how I could help support him and his family.
I just joined this forum because my 19 year old nephew is in rehab for the third time in a year - opiate addiction. I am worried sick about him and feel helpless as there doesn't seem to be any thing I can do. I live 850 miles away from him and want to show him my support but he is allowed no communication, which I do understand. Just thought this forum might help me understand more about his addiction and offer some suggestions as to how I could help support him and his family.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Aunt. My son is the addicted loved one in my life and I know the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves with drugs.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum, and you will find a lot of good information that may help you understand what addiction means.
I am glad you found us and hope find comfort here. You are among friends who understand.
Hugs
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum, and you will find a lot of good information that may help you understand what addiction means.
I am glad you found us and hope find comfort here. You are among friends who understand.
Hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Just let me add, please don't show your support by sending money. The last thing he needs right now is money.
Perhaps just show your support by letting him and his parents know that you are keeping him in your prayers?
Hugs
Perhaps just show your support by letting him and his parents know that you are keeping him in your prayers?
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
If you were my sister and it was my son who was the addict, the most important support you could offer to me would be kindness and no judgement. Listen without comment (because sometimes comments can unknowingly cut to the quick). Caring words like "I love you" or "I love my nephew".
Parents of addicted children are pretty sensitive to the comments of others. Little comments that indicate judgement or condemnation (even when that is not what was intended)--a parent feels a ton of unnecessary guilt without others tossing a little more on them. Understanding that addiction is a disease and not a lack of moral fortitude is important. And as Ann said......don't give money to your nephew! And know that there is always hope for recovery.
There are also some great books to read to understand addiction and codependency. Here are a few of my favorites:
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self Deception by Abraham Twerski MD
These are the things I wish I had gotten from some members of my family. Some of them did it well (mostly on my side) and others.....not so good (mostly on my husband's side of the family).
Your nephew is lucky to have a loving aunt who cares deeply for him. He will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Parents of addicted children are pretty sensitive to the comments of others. Little comments that indicate judgement or condemnation (even when that is not what was intended)--a parent feels a ton of unnecessary guilt without others tossing a little more on them. Understanding that addiction is a disease and not a lack of moral fortitude is important. And as Ann said......don't give money to your nephew! And know that there is always hope for recovery.
There are also some great books to read to understand addiction and codependency. Here are a few of my favorites:
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self Deception by Abraham Twerski MD
These are the things I wish I had gotten from some members of my family. Some of them did it well (mostly on my side) and others.....not so good (mostly on my husband's side of the family).
Your nephew is lucky to have a loving aunt who cares deeply for him. He will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Added emphasis on the no money angle.It is VERY easy to
fold when pressure is applied.......the addict I cared about
told me she had custody of one of her kids (a story I considered
HIGHLY dubious)......I was 99% sure it was BS.....but 99% isn't
100%. When she told me her child was hungry, or she was
marooned with no gas,etc,etc,etc. ----- I folded. If it was just
her it'd be easier to say....."life's tough,get a job,not my problem".
It is not being cold or uncaring to stop this codie behavior dead
in it's tracks.Call out the BS. Your kid outgrew their pants? Tell me
their size and I'll go get 3 pair. But that WILL NOT be acceptable.
Only cash.Soon you realize not only was it never about their kid
outgrowing their pants-----it becomes ever more obvious that NO
court would award custody to a clear addict when a fully functioning
responsible parent was available.
As KE wrote,it is a disease NOT a lack of moral fortitude.From what I have
learned here on SR......If (I) had the misfortune to get addicted to oxy/heroin, I
would be doing EVERY LAST thing she did. I would love to say I am too strong,
focused,and willful to EVER allow that crap take over my life.
(but I don't believe it)
That truth kinda takes the wind out of your sails when the "awful addict"
stories get out of hand......as they are so often wont to do.
fold when pressure is applied.......the addict I cared about
told me she had custody of one of her kids (a story I considered
HIGHLY dubious)......I was 99% sure it was BS.....but 99% isn't
100%. When she told me her child was hungry, or she was
marooned with no gas,etc,etc,etc. ----- I folded. If it was just
her it'd be easier to say....."life's tough,get a job,not my problem".
It is not being cold or uncaring to stop this codie behavior dead
in it's tracks.Call out the BS. Your kid outgrew their pants? Tell me
their size and I'll go get 3 pair. But that WILL NOT be acceptable.
Only cash.Soon you realize not only was it never about their kid
outgrowing their pants-----it becomes ever more obvious that NO
court would award custody to a clear addict when a fully functioning
responsible parent was available.
As KE wrote,it is a disease NOT a lack of moral fortitude.From what I have
learned here on SR......If (I) had the misfortune to get addicted to oxy/heroin, I
would be doing EVERY LAST thing she did. I would love to say I am too strong,
focused,and willful to EVER allow that crap take over my life.
(but I don't believe it)
That truth kinda takes the wind out of your sails when the "awful addict"
stories get out of hand......as they are so often wont to do.
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