jzeb2008

Hoping for a few opinions here. My husband has been gone for almost 3 weeks now. I blocked his mother's phone number from my phone but Sunday night, he got his cellphone turned back on. (Funny, that he could afford a phone but not contribute diapers for his daughter or pay support on his older daughter since he's about to go to Jail for contempt of court.) He's been texting me constantly to harass me about me "keeping his daughter from him".I believe he's just using her as a pawn against means only turned his phone on to harass me.I've blocked his phone calls but can't block his texts ..With Father's Day coming up,I'm sure he's gonna push to see the kids. I thought that I might meet him at the park with the kids so at least we're at a public place. If I want to leave I can,if he doesn't show, the kids can still have fun.My sponsor suggested not to even bother. I don't to punish him but I feel like he will never suffer the pain of his using if I continue to give into him.

cynical one

Is it the best thing for the children to see their father at this time knowing that his behavior has not changed in his 3 week absence?

Vale

.....A dad's view:

SCREW THESE 'special days':

1) I get to mistreat you because it's "fathers day" (bullcrap)
2) It's Christmas, we HAVE to reconcile & be civil to one another today!
3)SCREW ALL 'SPECIAL' DAYS!!!!

People want & need to be treated nicely at noon on a Tuesday!
This 'special day' crap is nothing but a guilt engine, a bullcrap Jan 1
resolution that is (sorry gang!) drowning in cheesecake by Jan 6!

A suitable reply would be to the effect of: You don't treat me
correctly on normal days---so I am not volunteering any of my special
ones.

Nice avatar, cynical.

(yeah......it's on)

lonelygirl24

I agree with Vale! screw the "special days"!!! chances are he wont show. I have been dealing with my daughters addict father for 7 months now (thats how old she is) I tried the whole being nice thing, let him come see her on Saturdays as long as my dad was there. That wasnt good enough for him so he has taken me to court. My lawyer suggested with the drug issues and the anger issues to stop all visitation until he advises me otherwise. So Christmas came up and of course because it was a holiday he wanted to see her! He had his lawyer call my lawyer and we worked it out where he could come see her. He didnt even show. All because I wouldn't let him leave with her. I believe until these so called "dad's" straighten up, we shouldn't even put the children throught it. Especially the pain of "going to see daddy" and not knowing if he will actually show up. At this point, they dont deserve our kindness!!!!!

Vale

.........it might help if you had the
'addicts calendar'---I just made it
up, but every codie can vouch for
it's rock solid accuracy!




JUNE 2013
S--M--T--W--T--F--S
--------------------me
me me me me me me me
me me me me me me me
me me me me me me me
me me me me me me me
me


........and yeah, Cynical, the decapitated stuffed
duck gets FULL royalties on this one,too!

LoveMeNow

Anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father.

Ann

His attitude is very nasty toward you...would he be any better if you met him with the children, or would they just get to witness him at his worst?

My thoughts are that the expectations and excitement to see their father and then him maybe not showing up or worse, showing up and acting nasty...are more emotionally crippling to the children than not seeing him at all.

I dislike special days too and I don't have to make any day special if it makes me sad.

Hugs

pacificsunrise

jzeb2008 - I agree with what everyone already said. in my opinion, the chances are that whatever you do decide to do for him, it would not be enough. and exposing the children to an active addict is just not worth it. also, to me letting him see the kids only "benefits" him and if he was so worthy of spending time with them, then he would be able to see them any time anyways. so stay strong. my hugs go to you and your kids.

vale - I LOVE your calendar. thank you so much for the laugh (and accuracy). so true.

AnvilheadII

you're SURE he's going to press? it's Thursday....it would seem to me that if seeing his children/child was THAT important, he would have already made arrangements. don't make this easy for him. don't assume you know what he's thinking or what he wants. he may have biological contributed to the conception, but nothing he is doing NOW in any way resembled FATHER hood.

story74

You don't owe him anything.

Rosiepetal

If the texts get really nasty store them & take them to the police so they can witness them & have a quiet word with him.
That's what I did after threats & nasty texts.
If I ever need to I will add to the police file, and believe me I have a whole book to throw in there if need be.
On the other hand just ignore the texts completely but please keep them.