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You Dont Have to Fix It

Old 06-12-2013, 12:40 AM
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You Dont Have to Fix It

Be sad. Be angry. Let your heart break Ė in the diner, on someoneís futon, in the park, on the way to the zoo, at brunch, over drinks, in the therapistís office, on the bus. Wherever it breaks, let it break all the way open, let it run out and down and spread out in a soggy puddle at your feet.

Say, ďIím sorry, I canít listen to you today, my heart is broken. Will you sit with me a while and Iíll tell you about it?ď

Say, ďI canít take care of you today, but you can take care of me, and maybe tomorrow I will take care of you, and we can trade off like that for a while, okay?Ē

Say, ďI love you, and I love that you think Iím strong, but I donít feel like being strong today. I feel like being angry and crazy and sad. Can we go to the movies or just sit here quietly or take a walk or talk about it or not talk about it?ď

Your friends may get scared when you do this. If you, the ďstrongĒ one can break, what does that say about them? Thatís why they push back at you and try to remind you of your strength, when what you need is for them to stand by you in your pain and weakness. They donít have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it.

Maybe they donít know how Ė a lot of people donít know what to do in the face of other peopleís pain. They want to fix everything, and if they canít fix it they feel inadequate. As the ďstrongĒ one you can help them out with this by saying ďYou donít have to fix it. You donít have to do anything. Just be with me, and listen, and love me, and Iíll love you back. Thatís all I need Ė to know that you love me, even when Iím sad and scared and donít know what to do next.Ē

- Jennifer Peepas
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Old 06-12-2013, 07:06 AM
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Love this
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Old 06-12-2013, 07:34 AM
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Thank you for this. It was needed for me today.
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Old 06-13-2013, 06:21 PM
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exactly right for today.
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Old 06-16-2013, 04:04 AM
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allforcnm: The message is quite helpful. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Old 06-16-2013, 07:06 AM
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Wow. Thank you!
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:44 AM
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Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this lovely quote. Embracing our vunerability. Acknowledging it. I believe it allows others the opportunity to feel their own strength and accept their own vunerability.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:24 PM
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Glad you guys liked it. It really touched me when I read it also. Was hoping other would find it helpful.
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:54 PM
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Wow. Truer words for me today. Been so angry, and sad and all over the charts. And not everything is fixable. I smile for everyone, because that's what I do. But not every day, is a good day.

Today is not a good day. Things catch up with you when yer not looking. And WHAM this big elephant steps on your foot and says "Hi.. remember me?".
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Old 06-19-2013, 09:23 PM
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Helped me as well today. Whenever I get down I come on here because it really reminds me that I can do this! It's going to sting and it's going to burn but all in all I will be far more thankful in the long wrong. God will get me through this!
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Old 06-19-2013, 09:40 PM
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Thank you I'm feeling so sad. I can't control my son's substance abuse. I can't control my husband giving him money. I can't control my daughter's anger and pain about it all. But I can just feel sad until it passes. I am grateful that I have a job I like to go to. I am grateful that I got the cats to come in tonight. I am grateful for the delicious dinner my daughter and husband made. I am grateful for my 3loving children, my friends and sister and brother and wonderful grandson and beautiful daughter in law.
Thank you for your helpful words.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohhappyday View Post
Thank you I'm feeling so sad. I can't control my son's substance abuse. I can't control my husband giving him money. I can't control my daughter's anger and pain about it all. But I can just feel sad until it passes. I am grateful that I have a job I like to go to. I am grateful that I got the cats to come in tonight. I am grateful for the delicious dinner my daughter and husband made. I am grateful for my 3loving children, my friends and sister and brother and wonderful grandson and beautiful daughter in law.
Thank you for your helpful words.
Im so sorry for the pain you are in. Your post is beautiful. I think it is important to remember the "good things" we each have in our lives. Sometimes we allow addiction issues to smother all the joy in our life. Our loved ones would not want this for us, and our sadness wont bring them healing. We need to see the joy in order to stay strong and healthy. Prayers going out to your family tonight.
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Old 07-04-2013, 02:43 AM
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Love this. Thank you for this... I need this sometimes as a reminder.
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Old 07-18-2013, 05:57 PM
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I read this and had been looking all over for where I saw it. Finally I found it. I needed this reminder this week. Im going to print it out ! Thank You.
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