BB89

After avoiding me for a few days, my A finally called me last night to tell me that he had relapsed. He said it happened a few days ago and he's been sober since. I had called him a few times but he didn't answer because he says he wasn't ready to tell me but he also didn't want to lie to me. I knew something was up anyway. I had seen this coming for a week or so but I stayed out of the way.

He begged me to let him come stay with me last night and after telling him no over and over I finally gave in. Why? I wish I knew. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want him in my home, much less in my bed but... that's where he ended up. He told me he didn't feel safe anywhere else, that he knew he would use. Manipulation? Absolutely. I knew it at the time but allowed it to happen anyway. Although I do believe he would have used had he stayed anywhere else, that isn't my problem and I knew better than to put myself in the middle.

I'm not mad at myself nor am I mad at him. That wont do me any good. I just know that I have more work to do. I'm happy that he was honest with me and was able to recognize that he shouldn't be alone last night, but I am not a babysitter. I refuse to be his crutch.

I'm feeling like my ride on this crazy train is coming to an end. Quite honestly, I just don't feel like dealing with it any more. When is enough enough?

laurie6781

Sounds like a lot of GROWTH to me, and just because you had a 'weak moment' (I know a lot about those, lol) does not mean you are slipping back.

Quite the contrary, it sounds like last night was just some 'proof' (reinforcement) to you that you are better than that (riding the crazy train)!!!!

You go girl!!!!!! You got my heart to crack a smile!!

Love and hugs,