YearForMe

I have not posted since March...because....well.....I've been kinda bizzzzy.....

Here is my post from March if anyone gets lost and wants to catch up:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-packages.html

So...the update is...

I drove my Dad from their winter place in Texas, up north (1,250 miles) on March 15th. We hibernated in the cold and snow for *what should have only been about 2 weeks* but Muddah Nature had other plans.

It eventually got warmer and nicer and we scheduled my mom's visitation for May 2nd and graveside on May 3rd.

It was almost 80 degrees the weekend before.

And then....GUESS WHAT....it SNOWED. 5 inches on the 2nd and 5 inches on the 3rd.
ONLY the 2 days of my mom's services. It was back into the 70's within a few days. It set a new record for the latest snowfall and I couldn't help but think my mom got the last laugh. My dad had been dragging his feet on scheduling the services "waiting for the weather to get nicer" LOL

I did not return to my home on Maui... where Vicodin boy is.... until last Wednesday-May 29th. I was gone from Feb 12th to May 29th.

I emailed him and told him I would be there from Wed - Mon and during that time I would be getting some clothes and other items I needed, ship my car and facilitate whatever needs to be done to get the house ready to put on the market.

This threw Vicodin boy for a loop.

"I just don't understand...this is so much for me to absorb" he said.

I thought (but didn't say it) REALLY? What the F- did you think was going to happen? Again...thought it...but didn't say it.

Evidently he never noticed that I had packed up about 90% of my belongings and put them in storage in the past year. I was still there...so, in addictionville...that meant his life was still ok. And who knows what he thought about me being gone for 3.5 months....Probably "yippee I can do drugs and not worry about her being around"

The ONLY thing that changed in the 3.5 months that I was gone...is that he now openly admits taking Vicodin....but says it's not the problem that I apparently think it is. Yet he agrees that he can't seem to stop on his own.

All I said was "yes...that is how Addiction works"

Anyway...
My car is on it's way
The items in storage have been shipped
I am safely out of the house
What I have left at the house is at most maybe 10 items that are needed to stage the house
........and my two fur babies..which he is holding hostage but he does take care of them...so I am not all that worried right now.

The house is going on the market this week
Divorce papers are waiting and ready at the divorce attorney (as soon as Vicodin boy signs the listing papers on the house)
The attorney told me the minute I noticed him doing something hinky with money to let her know and we should file. He recently took $7,500 out of his IRA and never said a word to me and didn't deposit it in the joint account to pay bills. Once I file...that account will be FROZEN.

So the insanity is....why take $7,500 out unless you intended to hide it in case I filed for divorce....or unless you needed it to buy additional pills off the street to supplement what you are getting via prescription?

Is his addiction progressing? .....oh yes....

For those 5 days...he basically sat in the recliner...shaking his head.
Or went back to bed and put the pillow over his head.

Even tho I was determined....I still had moments of doubt...but I pressed on.
Even tho I was determined....I still had moments of terror....but I pressed on.
Even tho I was determined....I still had moments where I felt sorry for him...but I didn't show it....and I pressed on.

I told him I would be back at the end of the summer or before, if the house sells...and I would be looking to see what actions he takes about getting help with his Vicodin addiction.

Did I lead him on....Yep....I sure did. Because I know he's not going to do it.
How do I know? Because he had a year and a half while I was there......and he did nothing.

He had 3.5 months while I've been gone....and he did nothing.

There was a $10 prescription copay on the joint bank account the day I arrived and another one the day I left. One was probably Ambien...because he's addicted to that too. The other one was definitely Vicodin.

He is going to get a sizable chunk of money when the house sells and I don't think there is anything I can do about that.
He is now motivated by the dollar signs and emailed me a laundry list of things he got done in one day.
Many physical things he couldn't do in one day without the energy boost of Vicodin.

I'm now on this side of the pond...resting and waiting for my car.

I thought I would get over here to the west coast and curl up in the fetal position...but I didn't. I am calm and at peace.

I am Happy.

I've had to give up alot in order to get here...

But the one thing I wasn't ready to lose (which has nothing to do with him or addiction) was my Mom.

I still cry for her almost everyday, but I let myself do it for only a set amount of time and then I go on with my day. I still miss her terribly and I always will, but as with everything....Life goes on. Those big gaping holes in your heart DO start to not hurt so much and you start to accept what is, even if you don't like it.

I am blessed to be able to hear her voice in my head...guiding me. I KNOW she is with me.

I am safe, I am happy, I am with people who love me.

And even tho I was taking steps along the way to prepare for this...once I had a definitive plan....my family and friends lined up to help, offer support...cheer me on.

My last conversation with my mom on the phone before she became ill...
she said "I just wish you would get out of that situation...I worry about you"

Well....I did it Mom. Now you can rest in peace with no more worries.

Ann

And how proud of you she would be. I have a feeling her spirit is smiling and watching over you.

That all took courage, it took work, and it took emotional energy that you probably didn't think you had. I'm proud of you too.

Hugs

nytepassion

And that my friends is how it is done

You are an inspiration. Bless you!

Passion

Katiekate

Well done, such an inspiring story.

And good on you.