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This hurt is unbearable

Old 06-04-2013, 06:25 PM
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This hurt is unbearable

Dear God this hurts so bad. Saw ex addict girlfriend drive by with her new drug buddy she is living with. It has only been 2 months. Will see her in court Thursday unless she doesn't show and then another warrant. This is killing me and I'm doing the best I can.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:34 PM
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it wont' kill you, and you will survive! sometimes the universe needs to really make a point to get our attention. i'm so sorry but you WILL be ok! hang in there.
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:27 PM
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I know it hurts so bad !! I'm in the same place court on Thursday 2 i think I'm more mad at myself tho !! Last couple days I have just been angry for staying so long and for believing all the lies .. Good luck don't even look at her in court I'm not going to even look at him even if it is killing me
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:32 PM
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You've done the hardest part all ready- getting away from her. The court thing will happen, and then just walk away. Engaging with her in conversation will chip away at you..! Don't give the addictive part of her the satisfaction! You've made so much progress!
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:34 PM
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Thanks. I really think I am losing my mind. I go back and forth between being angry and knowing I am so much better than all this and deserve better. I was completely used and then I swing to wow I still have feelings for her and care about her, I would do anything I could to help her if only she would ask or reach out. Although I think she has been ordered by the court not to contact me and is with someone new 5 seconds after I threw her out. I have bipolar disorder myself that has been under control for years and this has just thrown it for a loop. Who knows if she'll even show up for court because she used my address as her last known address. I told the court she doesn't live with me and they said they have no other address. I doubt she is with it enough to be calling the court and she doesn't have a public defender yet. I just wish this was all over with. I feel like I can't drop it because it was my mom's jewelry she stole and I feel like I want to reach out one more time to offer help (I work for a huge mental health and substance abuse place). This is all a lost cause and the bottom line is I was duped by a con for a year UUUUUGGGGGGG
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:37 PM
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Just hang in there kelley! We can do this. Thursday is almost here. I got your back. It is really hard for me because I work for a huge non profit. I work in IT and many of the people there are in recovery and doing great and I think why can't my ex get it together why can't I help her. *sigh*
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:38 PM
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It's going to rack at your brain if you keep letting it bother you. Mother's jewelry? I can absolutely understand the want for that back. But honestly, you have to be prepared to not get it back. She may have lost it, sold it, or had it stolen from herself as well--- who knows!

Is the jewelry more important than your peace of mind, sanity, and health?
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:41 PM
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She pawned the jewelry and it is gone. She went there on 2 occasions. The pawn shop had pictures and her drivers license. UUUUGGGGG. She has charges for theft and selling stolen goods plus I found out has some priors. I guess I am trying to just see this through so she gets every punishment and maybe gets help because of all this. Sadly I loved her. I didn't realize she was a drug addict until the jewelry was stolen. UUUUGGGG
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:49 PM
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Eveewonder thank you !! I know how u feel my heart is broken but there is nothing we can do we just have to give them to god I know it hurts I cry all the time then get mad !! I clean 14 years in September but I never did herion but boy did I learn all about it this last 6 years !! It doesn't matter if I still love my husband he loves herion and he will choose it ever time over me or anyone !! I was in love with a junkie !!! It makes me sad, angry , scared but I just have to let it go I did my best and now god has a new plan for us scarey or not I'd rather go with god than the devil 😇
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:58 PM
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Yes Kelley I just wish I knew what it was that enabled some to enter recovery and maintain sobriety and some spend their whole lives using and abusing drugs and people. What is the difference????
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:02 PM
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Hi evee...me too, so sorry you have to go through this. It is suckage on a massive scale. Epic suckage.
If I can get to where I'm feeling better and doing more positive things for myself, then you can too!

But, the really sucky thing is, it takes time. A LOT of days where you'll feel THIS much pain. UP and down, and DOWN and up. And when you're DOWN, all you can do is the next best, right, most nurturing, self-suupportive thing you can manage to do, in that moment.

I look at it like, we're flaming addicts too. Without the magical person, we are as bereft and helpless and hopeless, forever and ever, as we were when we were infants..... So, you're in that place, now.

But you DO have a lot of sanity here, and suggestions for what to do to start building more sanity in your daily life.


Everything I'm saying here is from my own experience, because I've been going through it myself....and EVERYONE here has too. Lotta support for you here......

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Old 06-04-2013, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by eveewonder View Post
Thanks. I really think I am losing my mind. I go back and forth between being angry and knowing I am so much better than all this and deserve better. I was completely used and then I swing to wow I still have feelings for her and care about her, I would do anything I could to help her if only she would ask or reach out. Although I think she has been ordered by the court not to contact me and is with someone new 5 seconds after I threw her out. I have bipolar disorder myself that has been under control for years and this has just thrown it for a loop. Who knows if she'll even show up for court because she used my address as her last known address. I told the court she doesn't live with me and they said they have no other address. I doubt she is with it enough to be calling the court and she doesn't have a public defender yet. I just wish this was all over with. I feel like I can't drop it because it was my mom's jewelry she stole and I feel like I want to reach out one more time to offer help (I work for a huge mental health and substance abuse place). This is all a lost cause and the bottom line is I was duped by a con for a year UUUUUGGGGGGG
I also have bipolar disorder and I stopped taking care of myself for awhile when feeling certain things with my addicts I had to get myself back on track quickly as best I could I am sure you know the importance in that.

I agree with the above poster who said you have already made it through the hardest part. Sometimes when I get some of the feelings your having I take myself to visual imaginary a good way for us to get back on track.
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:58 PM
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Originally Posted by eveewonder View Post
Dear God this hurts so bad. Saw ex addict girlfriend drive by with her new drug buddy she is living with. It has only been 2 months. Will see her in court Thursday unless she doesn't show and then another warrant. This is killing me and I'm doing the best I can.
Read carefully.

This is not going to kill you. This will hurt a lot, but it's not going to kill you. You don't yet appreciate what having her out of your life will mean, but you will sooner than you think.

I'm not trying to marginalize what you're feeling. What I am trying to do, however, is point out that her out of your life is addition by substraction. Only you don't believe it yet. Give it time. Trust me. You're going to get through this, and when you do get through it, you'll be stronger and wiser.

ZoSo
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Old 06-05-2013, 04:15 AM
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Thanks Zoso. The tough reminders are good and needed. I thank God you are all here with all this experience to turn too. I wish I could meet you in person and give you a real human hug but here is a cyber one *hugs*. I thank you. I can recall much tougher things than this that I have gotten through and hindsight is always 20/20. It is just for now sometimes it really hurts wicked bad. Thanks guys.
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:52 AM
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I hear you about how hard it is to live through something like this.

What helped me is letting my heart feel all that it feels, AND letting my brain make all the decisions.

It does pass. We do live through it. It is much better on the other side. Zoso is right.

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