I need help/advice
When I was younger, I had just got out of a long term relationship and needed time to heal. I had a best friend, a guy, that I did lots of things with, including staying at his house on the weekends, as friends! We were great friends but I knew he wanted more but I didn't. He gave me my space until I was ready. We starting dating a year later. We had a wonderful, healthy relationship probably because we were friends first. Two years later, he wanted marriage, I didn't so he ended it. We remain friends to this day. I love him like a brother, nothing more. In fact, he has visited me a few times over the years and my husband and he have become friends as well. They probably spent more time together, golfing, fishing, etc. during his visits then I did. There is no jealousy on my husbands part, and there shouldn't be. He is just my friend!!
Ok, update: He read the cursing message at 4:26 pm and blocked me from replying to his messages to Facebook at 4:45pm. Another one of his childish tantrums. The reason that we broke up in the first place was because he hung up on me during a disagreement over the phone. How can you communicate with someone like this?
Really? I think he is showing good sense and healthy boundaries!!
I say this with compassion. Please rent Fatal Attraction and then take a personal inventory of your own behavior. Sometimes it easier to see ourselves when looking at someone's else behavior. Of course, I am not saying you are going to boil in rabbits any the near future but your fear of rejection is clouding your judgement. It can become dangerous.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Dogluvah....I don't think anyone here is going to tell you this is acceptable behavior on your part. I'm sorry....but you asked for opinions and a lot of people have taken the time and given you good solid advice. It may not be what you want to hear but I am afraid it is what you need to hear. If you keep contacting him after he had blocked you from two different means of communication you might find yourself explaining to a judge why you can't take no for an answer. It's not worth it. Seriously. Regardless of what he is or isn't this is now reflecting poorly upon you. Get some rest...maybe write about your feelings in a journal that you can share with your therapist. Give yourself a time out from this madness.
wow!!! I would give my right hand for my axbf to take space and work on himself.
this guy really appears to be in recovery by his words about just being friends and not using your feelings and infatuation as an easy way to get what he wants.
Im jealous.
this guy really appears to be in recovery by his words about just being friends and not using your feelings and infatuation as an easy way to get what he wants.
Im jealous.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Temecula CA
Posts: 81
I don't know what to do. I'd like to apologize I guess. Is there anyway to contact him tonight without being jealous. I have his phone number and can also contact him via email? What should I do?
that means for me:
I don't call him. I broke his boundaries by being clingy, so now I give him space.
imo in your case.... silence would be the best amends
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Temecula CA
Posts: 81
Okay, help! What do I do now. I emailed him just now. Apologized for all the names, and said we could start out as friends and see what happens. I told him to call me tonight if he would like to do that.
Okay, what do you guys think of this?
Okay, what do you guys think of this?
i think you keep asking for advice and getting it. opinions that have been given are unanimous as far as what you should do and how your behavior could be or is being perceived. you aren't taking it in.
as for what you should do now, really nothing. he has about ten balls in his court and so far he is still not playing.
as for what you should do now, really nothing. he has about ten balls in his court and so far he is still not playing.
Honestly, If he does contact you after your last message to him ... He needs professional help. He was trying to be nice and you blasted him. You clearly are not ready for a relationship right now.
I thing you need to just stop contacting him, steer clear of relationships and work on yourself.
I thing you need to just stop contacting him, steer clear of relationships and work on yourself.
Sorry your going thru this but..it seems to be you as the reason you are. I don't want to sound mean but your behaviors are a bit stalker like. He doesn't want to be with you. Regardless of his feelings at the moment. He obviously has a reason to why he doesn't want to be with you. Your lashing out at him because he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that's not right. I think you should maybe think about seeing a counselor. This is more than codependency. It sounds like you have some issues that need to be addressed with a physician or counselor. Why don't you let him contact you if he wants to be with you or be friends with you. A man doesn't like a woman who is gonna sit there and chase him. Give him some breathing room honey. Even then. It sounds like he's pretty serious about what he wants. A friendship. Nothing more. Hope this helps.
If he were on this board asking for advice, I would suggest that he shut down his FB, change all his phone numbers, change his email addy, move to a different location, and take out a restraining order. Your behavior has become unacceptable, obsessive, and stalkerish. I would be concerned for my safety if I was him.
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