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supporting my buddy in rehab suggestions.

Old 05-31-2013, 08:44 PM
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supporting my buddy in rehab suggestions.

hey everybody, I've found out that a friend of mine has recently checked himself into a rehab facility. I have a few questions for those who can help me. first, I had to find out that he went out of state for rehab from his mom, and not him. by him not telling me could that mean that he didn't want me to know and doesn't want/need my support? It could be because his mother is very controlling and didn't want him to tell anybody about it. I understand it can be an embarrassing situation, but at the same time I think he should know that there are people out there that care about him and want him to get better. that being said, i'm not a user of anything at all. it's been kind of hard to find any information specifically aimed at supportive friends, everything i've read seems to be more aimed at the family members. Does anybody know of any articles specifically at friends? any questions for me are welcome, and any other suggestions that i may not have thought about are GREATLY appreaciated
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by bopsteady937 View Post
by him not telling me could that mean that he didn't want me to know and doesn't want/need my support?
It could mean a number of things but how about looking at it like this: he's hyper focused on the support and guidance rehab can provide him -- a place where they know exactly what he needs to live with his disease instead of dying from it.

He'll talk when he's ready.

You're a good friend
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Old 06-01-2013, 06:05 PM
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Bop-
several of my son's friends made contact through letters or visits while he was in rehab. it did not help him and probably made his friends feel helpless -
you are right, there is not a lot of information out there about friends of addicts, or I haven't seen it. But looking at the advice about families dealing with addicts applies to friends also - depending on your friend's addiction and possible recovery or not - he could ask you for money, he could steal something from you while in your place, he could break into your place if he things you have something of value...
when I say that his friends letters/visits didn't help him, it was all on my son. His friends were loyal and great - he just was in no frame of mind to appreciate or understand their intentions.
thoughts, prayers, sending good karma - you can always do this.
b.
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Old 06-01-2013, 06:27 PM
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I went to rehab - I told some friends, and did not tell others. Some people still don't know, others will someday, and still more never will. As an addict, it's embarrassing as hell (well, it was for me) and I absolutely HATED talking about it in the beginning, even with my best friends. I'm almost a year sober and still get nervous about it.

As others said, you're a good friend. I am sure you and your pal will have plenty of time to talk this out, when he's ready. Wish more of us addicts had buddies like you!
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Old 06-01-2013, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by bookreader View Post
Bop-
he could ask you for money, he could steal something from you while in your place
b.
You basically described my buddy to a T. He would hit me up for some cash, and a I'd noticed a few things missing from around my house. I'm hoping after rehab this wont be an issue any longer. I assume the lack of info out there for friends is because most of "friends" are going to be users too. I asked his mom how long he was going to be gone, and for some reason she didn't want to tell me, is there a standard amount of time for someone to be in a rehab facility? As a mom, would you know why she would be so secretive about giving out information?
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Old 06-01-2013, 07:39 PM
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Being new in rehab is a very emotional difficult time and it is best if he is left alone to deal with this surrounded by support by the counselors and at meetings. His focus needs to be 100% on his recovery, his life may depend on it.

If he wanted you to know, he would have told you...I say that as kindly as I can. He knows how to contact you and will when he is ready.

As a friend, the best thing you can do is pray for him and hope he can make this a turning point in his life.

As a friend who has been stolen from, please be careful when he gets out because you may never know if he relapses until you find more valuables gone. My son once managed to get a small portable TV out in his back pack...2 weeks after he got out of rehab.

Hugs
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