eveewonder

March 29 I had to have my girlfriend live my home because she stole jewelry and pawned it. I had her arrested and there is a pending court case. I didn't realize there was a drug issue till this happened and everything clicked. I never used drugs. She wasn't working because of a car accident so I was supporting us totally. I loved her and still do. I know I'm sick too and I'm getting help and going to meetings. She immediately moved in with some drug addict lover. She is ordered not to talk to me by the court. I pray for her everyday and I miss all the good times we had. I believe she did love me but then again maybe it was all ****. We were together about a year. We didn't fight or anything. It sucks because we live in the same town and everything reminds me of her. Everyone was a mutual friend and they remind me of her. People tell me they see her with her new partner. I can't escape and then there is the pending legal matter. We aren't kids. She is 40 and I'm 48. This happened March 29. When the hell will this pain stop. Sometimes it hurts so bad I want to die. I've got a therapist, gone to meetings, got a shrink have medicine, started taking up kayaking and exercising. I'm keeping busy as I can. The lose is so painful. No real closure. She just vanished like a ghost and moved on to her next victim like a vampire. Where the hell is the human person I thought I knew? Did they ever exist? She's even lost most friends in town she had. She was a bartender but lost her job for stealing. Has no drivers license or vehicle, no apartment or home, just mooching. No job. Ugggg. What the hell is wrong with me I can't get past this insanity. Please help. Thank you

Katiekate

You have been deeply hurt and betrayed, it is going to take sometime.

It took me a long time, but like you I worked at picking old hobbies up, trying new things and developing new friendships. I just moved a month ago and it has helped tremendously.

I'm going to post a link here to a stickie at the top of the friend and family forum.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

We are here, we care. Hope you stick around and keep posting.

Much love to you Katie

eveewonder

It hurts so bad and I sometimes have a delusion she can get help and somehow talk to me and apologize. It is so bad I am thinking about just moving but I have a beautiful home that is paid for and I would lose money but I have to think of my sanity. This is the worst thing ever. I hope I can make it.

Ann

The pain of leaving an active addict may be heart breaking, but the pain of staying with them is even worse...addiction is a progressive disease and it gets worse over time.

I know the sadness of broken dreams. I lost the dreams I had for my son and the life as a family we once knew.

Meetings helped me heal and find my balance again. In time I think your meetings and therapy will help you address the pain, heal and then move forward to wonderful new beginnings that await you when you are ready.

Hugs

Katiekate

You can make it, I did, I felt the same way.

Keep posting here. xo

eveewonder

People do recover though. They really, really do or can. Dang you just don't know when to give up. I will get to face her in court. I really want to go beat the heck out of her and the druggie she is shacked up with. Now I probably did something by emailing her Dad who she has contact with and letting him know he can contact me if she ever really wants help. I work for a huge non profit that helps people with mental health and addiction , housing, jobs etc. even if they have no money or insurance. They opperate all around the country. I work in IT.

zoso77

You ask when will the pain stop. It depends.

One thing I learned about myself is I have what I like to call a "kill switch". When my AXGF betrayed me (and reveled in telling me), whatever I felt for her vanished. It was gone. What was left was the pain of betrayal. But what I came to understand fairly quick is the behavior of the addict has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.

A little less than three months later, I was in the Utah desert for work, and as I looked around the desolate beauty of the desert, it occurred to me the pain of her betrayal had largely disappeared. What she did, what she does, is a function of her cognitively scrambled mind. And I wasn't going to allow her to have any power over me in terms of how I looked at myself and my self-worth.

Yes, you've been hurt. Yes, you've been betrayed. And I'm sorry about that and I empathize with your pain. But whether you realize it or not, your ex gave you a gift. She took her act elsewhere. You can begin to heal at this very moment, if you choose to. But if you keep thinking like this --

-- you won't heal. I promise you that. The best thing to do for you is to completely, 100% decouple from her and anything that has to do with her, including her father. You simply remove it, and them, from your life. And then you weather the ensuing emotional storm. While it will suck, it won't kill you, and it's better to weather that storm than the storms that come with her in your life.

You will be OK. But you have to choose to recover.

ZoSo

eveewonder

Thanks Zoso - I'm really going to try and do this. I have been but I will keep trying. It sucks because I'll have to see her in court at some point in the future and whatever happens in court will sting too. I'm going to cut off all ties with people in my town who were mutual friend and not go to the places we used to go to. She worked at both of our local pubs in town. Seems everyone and everywhere is a reminder in this small town but that is ok. For now I've got to put the breaks on being around these people and places. They aren't friends with her anymore after all that has happened but I can't take being around them. I guess that is an ok plan? At least for say the next 6 months. I've been eating better and I'm going to try and just put my efforts into exercising and going to the gym and work on getting myself looking and feeling just how I like! I'll live but sometimes it really feels like I won't or that I don't even want to. I'm so grateful others who have dealt with this are out there and willing to share. No doubt about it. This is hell. Addiction is the devil on earth.