Is it wrong...?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 147
Is it wrong...?
Is it wrong of me to be contemplating turning in my mother in law to her Pharmacy/doctor for misusing her prescriptions?I don't really want to turn her in for dealing but I think that it is terrible that not only does she make a lot of money for selling half of her prescription that she gets for free, but I find it extremely sickening that she finds it funny that she recently got a friend addicted and calls her son a junky when she is his dealer. Now, I know that if I do this, it will not keep my husband from continuing to use because he will just go somewhere else too cop his pills and I'm also not thinking about it to be spiteful. It's just terrible that she gets more money than anyone that I know from social security and spends it all within a week after getting it,then turns around and guilts others to buy her groceries because she is broke and I have done it for her MANY times in the past.Then, she sells pills to make additional money to drink on and buy frivolous things for herself. I am most certainly doing a lot of extra thinking since I am on bed rest and I'm not even sure how to go about it without her finding out that it was me.Also, I forgot to mention that the very painful condition that I am on bed rest for, my family doctor refuses to give me ANYTHING for the pain because my husband was her patient a few years ago and after she ran a urine test on him, she found opiates in his system, discontinued him as a patient and refused any narcotics to me because he is my husband. Anyone?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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you are assuming that the dr's office would take your call seriously....imagine if anyone could call and REPORT things against other individuals. while she may indeed have issues, you getting further embroiled with them solves NOTHING.
I suggest you put your energies where they will do the most GOOD....good for you and the children. what do you need to do to be solvent and secure? what best assures the children are taken care of...have enough food to eat, clothes to wear, a warm safe home.
I suggest you put your energies where they will do the most GOOD....good for you and the children. what do you need to do to be solvent and secure? what best assures the children are taken care of...have enough food to eat, clothes to wear, a warm safe home.
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No, I have not considered a therapist. I'm just a little busy right now with children, end of the school year graduations and award ceremonies, house work,doctor's appointments, procedures, surgeries, Al-anon and all BY MYSELF WHILE ON BED REST! It was just a thought while I have one free, quiet moment to myself, broke and thinking about those who SHOULD be helping!!!Thanks again for kicking me when I'm down, Lovemenow!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Turning you mil in, isn’t going to help and really interference like this always goes bad for everyone involved in ways you laying idle in bed can’t even imagine. Look when one is really ready to stop they will remove the drugs and everyone associated with the drugs from their life. That is how it works, he isn’t ready, and it isn’t your mil’s fault, although while she is a huge contributor she is as sick as he is.
Sick people don’t think in healthy ways … you aren’t thinking in a healthy way either.
And I gotta ask. You are suffering in pain, a non addict right because he tested positive for opiates….where they yours at the time? Not for anything your doctor leaving you in pain is highly unethical. You got idle time I would rectify that. Be concerned with your health. He is showing exactly what he is and really isn’t really worth the time and energy. All this thinking is also not going to help your healing process either.
Sick people don’t think in healthy ways … you aren’t thinking in a healthy way either.
And I gotta ask. You are suffering in pain, a non addict right because he tested positive for opiates….where they yours at the time? Not for anything your doctor leaving you in pain is highly unethical. You got idle time I would rectify that. Be concerned with your health. He is showing exactly what he is and really isn’t really worth the time and energy. All this thinking is also not going to help your healing process either.
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Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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Originally Posted by jzeb2008 
No, I have not considered a therapist. I'm just a little busy right now with children, end of the school year graduations and award ceremonies, house work,doctor's appointments, procedures, surgeries, Al-anon and all BY MYSELF WHILE ON BED REST! It was just a thought while I have one free, quiet moment to myself, broke and thinking about those who SHOULD be helping!!!Thanks again for kicking me when I'm down, Lovemenow!
LMN can certainly speak for herself, but I fail to see how her response to your post is kicking you while you're down.
You asked us if turning your mother-in-law in had any merit. And I fail to see how it would help you or your children during what we know is a difficult time for you.
Then again, as they say in Al Anon, "take what you like and leave the rest."
Have a good night.
ZoSo
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Jzeb, I apologize if you felt kicked while you are feeling down. That was not my intention.
For many of us, alanon/naranon was very helpful but we needed more. It was just a suggestion based on my own personal recovery.
P.S. thank you Zoso, you are welcomed to speak for me anytime.
For many of us, alanon/naranon was very helpful but we needed more. It was just a suggestion based on my own personal recovery.
P.S. thank you Zoso, you are welcomed to speak for me anytime.
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No,they were not my opiates. When I asked my doctor why she refused to prescribe anything for pain had anything to do with my husband's positive drug test, she told me that the DEA will not allow narcotics to be prescribed to a family member of a DSI.It is very unethical but if I argue it,I look like a DSI.As for the therapist remark, I work VERY hard on my recovery with my sponsor , raising my children and dealing with the health issues sprung on me in the last 2 weeks and a husband who walked out on me and a mother -in-law who turned on me.I don't believe that I am the one in need of mental health. Al-anon is working for me(even if I get angry,upset, disappointed, ect.)and my physical health is my #1 focus right now after my children.
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That isn't correct, and unless you live in a state that made a separate law, I have never heard of such a thing and I am thinking she is a liar....
She is either covering her own ass cause she was handing pills out knowing she shouldn't have to other patients and cut everyone off.
Or she thinks you were supplying him and cut you off again to cover her own ass.
What she did in essence is open herself up to an even bigger problems and a huge liability by not just taking the time to speak to you about any concerns she might have had...
"INTRODUCTION - THE RIGHT TO PAIN CONTROL
Adequate pain control is a fundamental right of every patient [1]. A consensus statement from 21 Health Organizations and the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) conclude that "Effective pain management is an integral and important aspect of quality medical care, and pain should be treated aggressively… Preventing drug abuse is an important societal goal, but it should not hinder patients’ ability to receive the care they need and deserve.”
The rest of it is found here and is very informative.
Use, Abuse, Misuse & Disposal of Prescription Pain Medication Clinical Reference - American College of Preventive Medicine
She is either covering her own ass cause she was handing pills out knowing she shouldn't have to other patients and cut everyone off.
Or she thinks you were supplying him and cut you off again to cover her own ass.
What she did in essence is open herself up to an even bigger problems and a huge liability by not just taking the time to speak to you about any concerns she might have had...
"INTRODUCTION - THE RIGHT TO PAIN CONTROL
Adequate pain control is a fundamental right of every patient [1]. A consensus statement from 21 Health Organizations and the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) conclude that "Effective pain management is an integral and important aspect of quality medical care, and pain should be treated aggressively… Preventing drug abuse is an important societal goal, but it should not hinder patients’ ability to receive the care they need and deserve.”
The rest of it is found here and is very informative.
Use, Abuse, Misuse & Disposal of Prescription Pain Medication Clinical Reference - American College of Preventive Medicine
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Jzeb
I don't think LMN meant to kick you while you were down. The question she asked is fairly common around here. Many of us (yours truly included) found that trying to cope with addiction was simply more than we could deal with in meetings and with sponsors alone. It doesn't mean that I am faulty or broken or mentally ill. It simply means I needed help to cope.....and it did help me to work through some things with a therapist.
It sounds like you are quite overwhelmed and not feeling good right now. That doesn't sound like a good time to stir the pot. And regardless of your intentions, turning in MIL will stir the pot and most likely have some very stressful ramifications for you and your family. With your health situation, my "vote" would be for you to take care of you.
I hope you keep working with your sponsor and going to meetings. Hopefully your life will settle down, become more manageable, and your health will improve soon. You'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I don't think LMN meant to kick you while you were down. The question she asked is fairly common around here. Many of us (yours truly included) found that trying to cope with addiction was simply more than we could deal with in meetings and with sponsors alone. It doesn't mean that I am faulty or broken or mentally ill. It simply means I needed help to cope.....and it did help me to work through some things with a therapist.
It sounds like you are quite overwhelmed and not feeling good right now. That doesn't sound like a good time to stir the pot. And regardless of your intentions, turning in MIL will stir the pot and most likely have some very stressful ramifications for you and your family. With your health situation, my "vote" would be for you to take care of you.
I hope you keep working with your sponsor and going to meetings. Hopefully your life will settle down, become more manageable, and your health will improve soon. You'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
I get where you're coming from, jzeb, I really do.
I'm not proud to admit that not too long ago, I was very tempted to 'drop a dime' on the bar where my XA drinks and uses. The bar is already on the DA's radar as a 'nuisance bar,' which means it wouldn't take much for it to be shut down. There have already been complaints from the neighbors, anytime there's a shooting or some other act of violence, it always seems to be connected to the bar, and if the DA found out that there were drug deals and drug use happening inside (and possibly even being conducted by the owner, an ex-cop who got fired from THREE different police forces for improper conduct), I think it would be a done deal.
I was (and still am) so very p*ssed that the owners, who are also supposed to be my XA's 'friends,' don't give a sh*t about ANY of their customers, XA included!! Think about it, they are in the business of making money off of other people's misery. In fact, I actually overheard the wife say to a customer, who was saying that he had to cut back on his drinking and stop frequenting the bar so much, "NO, what you need to do is keep drinking so you can pay my mortgage for me!! And while you're at it, bring all of your friends!!" It just made me sick to my stomach as I sat there and looked around at all of the 'regulars,' with their red, puffy faces and their vacant, glassy eyes.....and I knew that that was going to be my XA soon.
So anyway, in my mind, I thought if I sent an anonymous letter, that would be enough to get the bar investigated and closed down for good.
But you know what, jzeb? It's not my place to do that. As much as I hate the bar, the owners, my XA's friends and sometimes even my XA, I just know deep in my heart, that I was not put through this awful experience to become some vigilante and exact revenge on all of those people, no matter how tempting it may be. As Anvil said, number one, I don't even know that it would work, number two, what if they somehow found out it was me and wanted to get even with me (or my family) and number three, as much as he hurt me, as much as I may hate him at times and want to hurt him back, I would feel REALLY AWFUL if my XA ended up getting arrested for cocaine possession and ended up in jail, which could possibly lead to the loss of his home, his truck, his job....all because of ME. Should I care, after the way he treated me? Probably not. But I do. Would it be a way for him to finally hit his bottom? I don't know...possibly. But when and if my XA hits his bottom is not up to ME. It is not my responsibility to carry, it is not my retribution to take and it is not my RIGHT to try and force the hands of fate. Because I'm a BETTER person than that. And so are YOU, jzeb. We do not have to lower ourselves to their level, and we don't need the repercussions of such actions hanging over our heads. We need to concentrate on ourselves and leave our A's and their enablers to suffer their OWN consequences whenever fate decides it is time.
I know it is so hard to do, but right now, you need to take care of yourself and your beautiful children. You do not need to put yourself through any added stress right now. Praying that you will feel better soon and sending hugs your way.
I'm not proud to admit that not too long ago, I was very tempted to 'drop a dime' on the bar where my XA drinks and uses. The bar is already on the DA's radar as a 'nuisance bar,' which means it wouldn't take much for it to be shut down. There have already been complaints from the neighbors, anytime there's a shooting or some other act of violence, it always seems to be connected to the bar, and if the DA found out that there were drug deals and drug use happening inside (and possibly even being conducted by the owner, an ex-cop who got fired from THREE different police forces for improper conduct), I think it would be a done deal.
I was (and still am) so very p*ssed that the owners, who are also supposed to be my XA's 'friends,' don't give a sh*t about ANY of their customers, XA included!! Think about it, they are in the business of making money off of other people's misery. In fact, I actually overheard the wife say to a customer, who was saying that he had to cut back on his drinking and stop frequenting the bar so much, "NO, what you need to do is keep drinking so you can pay my mortgage for me!! And while you're at it, bring all of your friends!!" It just made me sick to my stomach as I sat there and looked around at all of the 'regulars,' with their red, puffy faces and their vacant, glassy eyes.....and I knew that that was going to be my XA soon.
So anyway, in my mind, I thought if I sent an anonymous letter, that would be enough to get the bar investigated and closed down for good.But you know what, jzeb? It's not my place to do that. As much as I hate the bar, the owners, my XA's friends and sometimes even my XA, I just know deep in my heart, that I was not put through this awful experience to become some vigilante and exact revenge on all of those people, no matter how tempting it may be. As Anvil said, number one, I don't even know that it would work, number two, what if they somehow found out it was me and wanted to get even with me (or my family) and number three, as much as he hurt me, as much as I may hate him at times and want to hurt him back, I would feel REALLY AWFUL if my XA ended up getting arrested for cocaine possession and ended up in jail, which could possibly lead to the loss of his home, his truck, his job....all because of ME. Should I care, after the way he treated me? Probably not. But I do. Would it be a way for him to finally hit his bottom? I don't know...possibly. But when and if my XA hits his bottom is not up to ME. It is not my responsibility to carry, it is not my retribution to take and it is not my RIGHT to try and force the hands of fate. Because I'm a BETTER person than that. And so are YOU, jzeb. We do not have to lower ourselves to their level, and we don't need the repercussions of such actions hanging over our heads. We need to concentrate on ourselves and leave our A's and their enablers to suffer their OWN consequences whenever fate decides it is time.
I know it is so hard to do, but right now, you need to take care of yourself and your beautiful children. You do not need to put yourself through any added stress right now. Praying that you will feel better soon and sending hugs your way.
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