jzeb2008

My husband called me this afternoon after being gone for a week and asked what I was doing today. I told him, "Nothing, since I'm on bed rest."I asked him what he's trying to pull this time. He told me that it was all me and my "horrible"text messages telling him what to do.I told him that he's running away from his problems and that his mom is back to meddling in our business again. She started in the background and I told him to tell her to her to shut up and mind her own business. He said, No!You'll never admit when you're wrong."and hung up.Of,course it's always gonna be my fault. He didn't even ask me how I was feeling. I guess I'm making it up anyways.

zoso77

He sounds like a winner.

LoveMeNow

His mind is sick, it's been rewired and it can take years to heal......why do you sound so surprised?

Eventually, I realized engaging with an active attack would make me crazy/crazier. I knew better then to argue or try and talk sense with someone who was drunk but it took me a while to figure out it was basically the same thing.

AnvilheadII

what a champ. i just don't think i could get to the divorce lawyer's office QUICK enough.

LoveMeNow

I know right. It would be a two for oner. Getting rid of him AND his SICK mommy.

jzeb2008

I know. I'm sure at stupid as it's sounds, I'm just not there yet.I'm too physically ill to not still wish that he would see through all of the BS and get away from her and get back into recovery. That's the biggest reason that I'm so upset. Any"normal/healthy husband wouldn't take off for a week (or even hours) over a tiny disagreement. Especially with a wife at home on bed rest with a house full of kids.But, I know, he's neither normal or healthy.

LoveMeNow

Picking a fight to go use is a tried and true tactic. It's on the first page of the addicts play book. Then we sit around and wonder what just happened.

He is showing you who is, not who you want him to be....big difference. Stay in reality and let the fantasy go.

Cynical One has a great blog with lots of really valuable information.

wicked

His mommy in the background? Please, get some help for yourself.
Any friends or relatives to help ?(besides the blaming losers of course!)
Ask the doctor who recommended bed rest what to do.
You need help and that idiot and his mom calling you to blame you for HIS problem is just beyond the pale.
Even if you cannot give up on him just yet, please get help from somewhere.
Maybe an AlAnon meeting could come to you?

Beth

jzeb2008

I've been very involved in Al-anon for the past 4 years. I work with my sponsor daily, doing my readings and step work.It's taking me quite some time to let go.I get what's going on but it's still very hard to process how someone that married you to take care of you for life walks out while I'm so sick yet I've stuck by his side through his painful disease.

jzeb2008

And, I mean painful for those around him who aren't high and drunk every day so they don't have to experience the pain.

Shiek

My ex likes to call me up and blame me as well, saying it's all my fault too, you can't blame yourself, his problems are his own. I am sorry you are going through this, chin up and feel better.