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Walked out on by the addict?!?!

Old 05-29-2013, 02:44 PM
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Walked out on by the addict?!?!

My addict/alcoholic husband of 7 years walked out on me last weekend. We have 6 children between us and the youngest is only 2.He was seeking help, attending AA,working and staying sober with few slip ups.His work ran out temporarily (he does construction) and now he has to wait for the next job.I suddenly became sick last week and he ditched!!!Took some clothes and personal care ideas and ran off to stay at his mom's. She is his supplier/enabler and has been well known at talking about EVERYONE that she knows badly behind their backs.She is mad at me now because I found out that she is back to selling him pills and paying him with them to paint her house. Now, I'm the enemy. How do you get left by the addict? Why?I should have left him a ling time ago by stuck with him through his disease. Now I'm sick and he's gone.
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Old 05-29-2013, 02:58 PM
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I'm sorry you're sick, it's hard to be sick and sad too.

Are you caring for all those children? That's quite a load when you're sick. Do you have family you could call to help you right now.

The fact he ditched is not surprising, in active addiction it's always "them first", but it's a shame that he couldn't stay clean long enough to help you out.

Maybe this is a strangely wrapped gift that will give you time to decide if this is how you want to live.

Prayers out for you and your children.

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Old 05-29-2013, 03:09 PM
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My mother is helping out by transporting the children back and forth from school and taking me to some of my appointments and a neighbor and now good friend has been helping me during the day with my toddler. The children are all pitching in.I can't understand how he can live with himself (or his mother for that matter) not helping out. I believe that they are in denial about my conditions and my mother in law is convincing my husband that I'm making it up to get his attention and keep him clean. I've been to the hospital, doctor's, specialist, did a CT Scan yesterday, put on bed rest,several medications and have many more procedures coming up.I'm putting off going to the rheumologist right now until this is under control.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:13 PM
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I am sorry your going through this pain right now My husband did the same to me in 2009 except he did tell me he didn't want the responsibilities of a wife anymore it was still painful
and unexpected as I didn't know he was taking pain pills. I didn't have any kids at home they are grown I hope you get well soon and can figure out what is best for you and the kids, Ann's suggestion about if you have someone who can help while your sick is a good one.

I will be praying for you and your family.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by jzeb2008 View Post
My mother is helping out by transporting the children back and forth from school and taking me to some of my appointments and a neighbor and now good friend has been helping me during the day with my toddler. The children are all pitching in.I can't understand how he can live with himself (or his mother for that matter) not helping out. I believe that they are in denial about my conditions and my mother in law is convincing my husband that I'm making it up to get his attention and keep him clean. I've been to the hospital, doctor's, specialist, did a CT Scan yesterday, put on bed rest,several medications and have many more procedures coming up.I'm putting off going to the rheumologist right now until this is under control.
Addicts often run from responsibility I know it doesn't seem fair but everything we as humans go through I feel have lessons for us to learn.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:22 PM
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My xah left me on mother's day weekend. I was entertaining his mother, while he was partying with his girlfriend for the weekend. I was blindsided and shocked. But, this was the weekend where all the lies came out and the truth surfaced. 1 week later he was living with his girlfriend and would not take my phone calls or texts. He abandoned my son and I that weekend financially and emotionally. We had been together for 16 years. Quite a shock.

I was a stay at home mom at the time and luckily had a supportive family. They helped me financially get through the summer until I could go back to work again. Thank god I had a degree and a job to go back to. My family has helped since take care of my son. The addict is gone.

I was crushed. I lost my family, friends and my life exploded. I am sure you are going through many emotions. Being sick on top of it can't be easy.

I know this sounds super easy to say, but LET HIM GO. You have 6 kids who deserve a healthy life. The need stability, warmth and love. They don't need an addict, nor a grandma who is an addict/dealer. It took me awhile to see what happened to me as a blessing, but it really was. Maybe one day too you can see this as a blessing.

Take care of you and your kids. Don't think twice about this addict.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:27 PM
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I'm currently on travel (again) but I will respond to this when I return to my hotel.

Hang in there.

ZoSo
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:33 PM
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in the addict mind it goes something like this:

Here, home, kids crawling everywhere, always too much to do, no down time, everybody needs something, now wife is sick.....

OR

There. at mommy's. she'll be so nice to me, she'll give me pills and cook me dinner and probably even wash my clothes.

how do they leave? usually quite quickly, with smoke rising off their heels.

i'm sorry you are such in a bind...i'm sure with a bit of time you won't really find his latest stunt THAT surprising. more of an encore performance.
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:22 PM
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How do you get left by the addict?
Simple. Like you just experienced. It happens every day. Your situation has the added wrinkle of an enabling mommy.

Don't personalize what happened. He's sick. Right now, you have to make the best decisions you possibly can because you have 6 children to take care of. What he did in the manner in which he did it isn't surprising at all. But that doesn't mean it's not awful.

Change the locks and tell him he's welcome to stay with his mommy for as long as he'd like.

ZoSo
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:29 PM
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Now what can you do for YOU? YOU and your kids matter far more then he does. He chose his path, what path are you going to chose?

Just imagine if most of us left our addicts right after joining here, where would we be now? Although my husband has been working his recovery, that could change in a minute. One bad thought and its back to square one for him but it won't be for me.
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