Do Addict Lie about everything?

Old 05-30-2013, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
big difference between believing the lie and pretending too...

hmmm

I would say the first option is innocence, or being naive.

The second option imo is denial and enabling.
===========================================

You are absolutely correct, Lily. But it made her so happy
not to be 'called' out on every single incongruency --- to
have someone listen without tearing her to pieces.

Was I wrong to do so? Probably.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Vale View Post
===========================================

You are absolutely correct, Lily. But it made her so happy
not to be 'called' out on every single incongruency --- to
have someone listen without tearing her to pieces.

Was I wrong to do so? Probably.
I STILL do it to this day
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:03 PM
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what bothers me i guess you guys is that he just lied about everything. you know?

i sometimes feel like my whole marriage was a lie. and it makes me sad. yeah, i know he is doing what he needs to do now.....but he told so many lies to keep me in the dark about his double life.

and now...that he is getting his life together....the lies he told me haunt me.

they really do.

for example...i will think about the guy who came over to our house all the time and became almost part of the family. he did work around our house....helped me with the baby...and became someone i could talk to. he was a real family friend. well...turns out that he was the main person my husband did coke with....and he knew all the dirt about what he was really doing in the streets....you name it. and it was all a lie. they both lied to me.....to keep this double life going.

or all the times he said he was going to do something...and now i know that he lied about who he was seeing, what he was doing...etc...

it is kind of to the point where i think was DIDNT he lie about?

it keeps bothering me.

nothing has happend now to make me think he is lying....but damn...he has lied so much....how would i ever really know what the truth is? that is why i am working on my codie issues so that my serenity is not based on what he does or does not do. my happiness is not solely derived from whether or not he wants to be an ******* or not.
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:39 PM
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It sounds like all of the lies have just shook the foundations Miller. Now he is in recovery, and the healing is taking place for both of you. This is just my perspective, but in between the lies, there was still truth. The lies were to protect the drug use, and maintain the appearances of someone who was a functional user. The truth is what has kept your family together through this trauma. I think this is a stage of healing that you are going through. Also perhaps, there is some reflection back on yourself for not identifying the lies? A lack of confidence in your ability to now decipher lies if you encountered them? If so, don’t be so hard on yourself. You have learned a lot, grown a lot, and in the end this whole experience will make you a stronger person. Like the therapist said, at some point you will put the pain behind you; it just takes time.
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Old 06-01-2013, 08:23 AM
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Yes
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:04 PM
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My entire marriage to my exah was a lie... He lied about everything, things he didn't even have to lie about... Part of it could have been his personality and part of it could be he is a drug addict... But being that I probably saw him sober a handful of times I can't really differentiate between the two reason... But what I do know is that it's really hard to have a successful relationship with someone who is lying not only to you but to themselves
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Old 06-05-2013, 03:05 PM
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Wow good topic but sad. My adbf lied from beginning to end to cover up his drug life....he was arrested and first thing he said is he's so glad he doesn't have to live the lie anymore....so it is a life of lies!! Sure some truth was said of course but when hiding an alter ego there's gona b tons of lies....one positive note...he did just the other day not call when he was supposed to..when I was upset when he told me he was very tired etc...he said his buddy told him just tell her the phones in there were down n shell never know the difference....he told me he wouldn't lie to me again and even though I was mad, he took that road of honesty instead of lying and making it easier on himself. People can change....
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