I lie.

My wife picked out a new pup after New Years.
It was a dopey,unremarkable,skittish animal but I told
(my wife) that she was PERFECT.

She's not perfect.But I've grown to love her dopey,unremarkable,
skittish self.And she has learned that Dad is OK with waking up with
her butt on my head and her nose in my ear.

Anyone in love with perfect honesty had better swear off long term
human relations.......or get off their high horse.

"honey,last night you asked if those jeans make your butt look fat----
well.......they kinda do".

(good luck with that,fella!)

thank you everyone for your great insights.

i hate liars

I think they lie about too many things and even when the lies doesnt really serve a purpose they do it. The point is, it's too much effort to try to sort out the truth if there's even any so I rather not have that problem to begin with these days.

My addict lied about going to college, studying abroad, to simple things like what a random stick sitting in his car was for. Turned out he never went to college (high school drop out), never studied abroad, and the stick was something he picked up from a gas station to beat some random man with.

Miller, I could be wrong, but it seems something is really gnawing at you. Trust your instincts. They are never wrong.

I found it helpful to ask myself what lie am I telling myself and journaling about it. The truth can be hard to see at times, journaling really helped it become much clearer.

LMN, good point! We could have a whole thread of what lies Codie's tell themselves. I agree that it is good to get to the source of what is bothering us, because our subconscious can be very tricky!

I think we had that thread already. Maybe it's time for an update though.

My ex lied so much, he started mixing up the lies, so he lied about the lies.

Then if I called him up on it he would call me a mental case, or say he never said it, or wrote it in an email lol

So glad I can laugh about it now, oh and I was always the one telling lies or hiding things.

crazy stuff.

big difference between believing bs and pretending to.

Addict lies are SOOOO improbable, I simply resist the notion
that ANYONE could fall for them-------they go FAR beyond the
border of the ridiculous.

I can say with 100% assurance that all you end up doing is going
"uh huh" about a million times ( because you know in your heart NO
ONE listens to them.....their only human interfaces involve them being
dissed,hurt,laughed at,pitied,or beat up).

You find yourself thinking: " just please stop talking and take the
money & stop wasting both our times". It truly breaks your heart.
This dope cripples their coping mechanisms to the point of uselessness.

I made it a point to 'give' upfront from day 1.But it didn't matter.
Unless she was jonesing (about 60% of the time)......she would just
talk and talk and talk.

Was it my duty to listen? I don't know. What I do know is she showed me
every indication she appreciated someone listening without playing 'gotcha' with the
facts.

Our last dog would 'talk' for minutes on end. My wife would egg him on by
saying "and then what happened?"....woof woof woof woof.R_________ simply was
ecstatic that someone was listening and caring what he said (even though he was
incapable of 'saying' anything at all).

Are we humans so very different?

big difference between believing the lie and pretending too...

hmmm

I would say the first option is innocence, or being naive.

The second option imo is denial and enabling.

I think it can be different when it's someone you love, who had no history of being dishonest.

My husband looked me right in the eyes and gave me the look that melted my heart and told me he was not taking any pills anymore. I believed him. Looking back, I was very naive and most likely in denial but I had never known him to lie before. Addiction changed that. He was now in the fight of life and there wasn't anything I could do but get honest with myself and try and understand my reality. Very humbling.

Addicts are self deceived so they can't even distinguish between a lie and a truth once totally absorbed in their addiction. The only truth they know is their drug induced world. It's normal to them and an acquired behavior. But it is not permanent in my opinion if you surrender get clean and work a 12 step program all things are possible.

3 fold disease body, mind and spirit.

This is a classic lie.

When we live a lie, it becomes our truth. That goes for both sides, addiction and codependency!

Self-delusion is a form of lying to oneself. I don't think every addict lies about everything, but the need to feed the addiction beast is there. At the very least there are some very irrationally functioning self defense mechanisms working, the extent to which that crosses over to lying to others varies greatly I would think. Sounds like a great doctoral thesis for a Psych student.

If an addict told me he was a chronic liar could I believe him? lol

I am doing a thesis on lying as I am a psych student. U believe me? LOL

sometimes when I lie I don't even realize that the lie is told until it is told.

taming the toungue is such a struggle for me.

"Im on my way" I haven't left yet.
"Im just tired" ya right
"It was nice to see you!! :D" b!tch
"I am never gonna talk to any of my addicts again" <--- this I call a pie crust promise. easily made easily broken.

as far as addiction goes...
" I don't even miss weed" pshh...
"LSD is awful don't touch it" its awesome don't touch it. you won't put it down.
"I only smoked 5 ciggs today" out of this pack at least...

Ok I like this, Today what lie did I tell. My hubby said "Did you just hear what I said" Yes Dear very interesting , (Have no idea what he said.) :)

Hubby says 'You are not even watching the movie" (I was not sleeping during the movie. I know what happened.) As I am snoring.

Hubby says "The toilets plugged up" ( I haven't gone to the bathroom since yersterday.)

Hubby says "did you finish the ice cream?" No why? ( < has chocolate on the tip of my nose) :)

GF Says "I'm going grocery shopping"
+doesn't insist I go
= Trip to Casino to play video poker.

Funny how this stuff works....

LMN…

The lie by omission…

My husband has perfected speaking without lying and yet he leaves out the vital parts, as not to lie. He met a ex heroin addiction, in the rooms in the very beginning when he was finding his way and the guy said honesty, recovery is just that, getting honest. If you can stay honest with yourself and those around you will be just fine … start to lie and you will find yourself right back on the ride. I find this to be very true.

Oh and I know you did get that it wasn’t about anyone being in control over my using. But in the mind of a teenager well it didn’t matter so why not just use…

My favorite part of codie crazy is why ask questions you know the answer to, that you know they will lie about. This has perplexed me for a long time. I guess as a teen I had some idea that it seemed crazy to ask me if I had drank if I reeked of alcohol, was slurring, and couldn’t stand up….Wasn’t it obvious? Why ask … and then if I did lie, and in time I did cause it didn’t matter is was some sick game we were playing anyway …then get pissed I lied when you knew the damn answer. I have watched this for years now, asking the questions when the answer is obvious and then getting all pissed you got a lie as a response.

All that they Lie, Lie …
What worth does the truth hold anyway, we see it dismissed over and over day in and day out.