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Let's talk about the 3 R's.......

Old 05-29-2013, 09:35 AM
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Let's talk about the 3 R's.......

RELAPSE, RELATIONSHIP ending and RESTRAINING order…

Yup that’s how I spent the Memorial Day weekend. BF gets laid off from work permanently which was expected as the company is moving out of the area in June.

BF talks the talk but doesn’t truly walk the walk, his life long recovery was pushed aside for over time pay while he could get it. So of course he was too tired to go to meetings, and too busy to call anyone and cancelled many counseling appointments.

Last Friday when I got home he was out of it and there sat a bottle of xanax ….I packed all my stuff and while he was passed out I moved out. Next afternoon when I assume he realized I was gone he began his raging, ranting phone calls to my friends and family demanding me to return because HE NEEDS ME, HE NEEDS MY HELP GETTING BACK ON TRACK……….

Several hours later I receive a phone call from the police dept in his town saying he was picked up for DUI and asked them to call me…………..I told them NO, I had moved out and the relationship is over……my deal breaker was him using again.

Then Saturday night the same police dept called me to say, he was picked up walking down the middle of the road trying to get to his GF’s parents house. He was agitated and telling the police that he needed me and only me to come and help him……..AGAIN I told them NO and told them to call whom ever came and got him out of YOUR police station this afternoon after his DUI arrest…to call them back. The cop said that the person who picked him up and was suppose to remain with him for 12 hours is now not answering their phone (really!!!! – duh) no one wants to deal with a raging out of their mind person.

So they had no choice but to have him transported to the hospital for a pysh evaluation. It was while he was in the hospital he told Dr’s and nurses that it’s all MY FAULT and that he was going to KILL ME for leaving him because he lost his job…..O YA THAT’S IT…

So then comes the temporary restraining order, he was served with it Sunday after he was released from the hospital and I go back next Monday for the final – permanent one.

I have reached a place in my own recovery where I am strong enough, smart enough to know that this is NOT the life I wish to continue to live with him and his addiction.

As much as I love Mr. Hyde, DR Jekyll has appeared several times of the years and I don’t want to accept both any longer. He knew my bottom line, he knew I would walk if he began using again….period end of story.
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:54 AM
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Nothing more to say
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:17 AM
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Good to see you practicing the other 3 R's.

Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:21 AM
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That's so negative.
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:26 AM
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BAM! good for you for not taking that! stay safe and be well!
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:27 AM
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What is negative?? That was an awesome post by a strong courageous women who set her boundaries and kept them. That's what this is all about.
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted by mareahh View Post
That's so negative.
How can respecting ones own boundaries, and taking responsibility for their own happiness ever be a negative?
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:40 AM
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(((((atalose)))))

WAY TO GO!!!!

Good for you! Your program of recovery is SHINING!!!!!

That's so negative.
I have no clue mareahh what could be negative about the original post. She is doing what she needs to do for HER. That is what this site is all about, not staying with your practicing A come hell or high water, because we cannot help the A and their addiction is their load to carry, not ours.

He knew her boundary, he chose to use and drink again, she stood by her boundary!

Again, good for you atalose!

Love and hugs,
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:40 AM
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atalose, THANK YOU for standing up for yourself, honoring your boundaries and taking all the necessary steps to put great distance and a measure of safety between you and the crazy person.
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Old 05-29-2013, 10:54 AM
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Wait..I totally posted something in the wrong place. My bad. Good job! Respect respect respect
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Old 05-29-2013, 11:09 AM
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Good for you!!! Your recovery is shining!
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Old 05-29-2013, 12:12 PM
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And THAT, folks, is how it is done. Don't know what else I can add, except YOU ARE AWESOME and an inspiration to all of us!!
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Old 05-29-2013, 12:16 PM
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You for got the forth R.
Recovery.
THIS is what recovery looks like!
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Old 05-29-2013, 12:43 PM
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Stay strong and stay positive! Your recovery is shining bright!
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:31 AM
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Like the saying goes:

If life keeps asking you the same questions....You are NOT learning the lessons...

I have learned so many lessons from the wonderful people here at SR I truly own so much gratitude to so many who shared their wisdom and advice and examples of their own recovery.


Like many who first come to SR I was solely focused on fixing or repairing the addict in my life so that MY life would be better, happier. I heard the cold hard truth about relationships with addicts/alcoholics and was just not ready to accept that truth or learn the lesson.

Today my life is very different from when I was not thinking or acting for myself in healthy ways. Today I put me first and I no longer feel selfish or guilty for doing so.

I have peace of mind instead of all that crazy jumbled drama nonsense that was constantly rolling around in my thoughts.

So thank you all again for helping me become who I am today.
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:40 PM
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Way To Go!!!!
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Old 05-30-2013, 01:54 PM
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They say when the pain outweighs the fear, we will make a change. Would you agree?
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:12 PM
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I can say that about my ex-husband, the pain of staying grew greater then any of my fears of leaving.

This ending with my BF was different. We were not married, we don't have children together or any assets or leases to bind us (I was very smart that way) based on his past history of prescription drug abuse. He/Me/We were just fine up until last Friday when I discovered he relapsed and there was no other thoughts to ponder other then to get out and away from the sinking ship. So it's not like I sat in pain for months, years like I did with my ex - husband fearing to leave and filling with my heads with all those what if or how questions.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:46 PM
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Way to go. I believe you made the best decision to protect yourself. His behavior sounds quite scary.

Please be careful to protect yourself even after the restraining order. It is only a piece of paper and it doesn't stop some from continuing the crazy behavior.
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Old 05-31-2013, 12:56 AM
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Wow! You are amazing! Such a strong thing to do. Good for you! If only I would have kept my promise of leaving if he ever started using again...my mess would have been over years ago.
So...good call. Smart smart smart!!!
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