Had horrible nightmare last night about worse lie the ex told

Old 05-28-2013, 07:03 PM
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Had horrible nightmare last night about worse lie the ex told

This morning I woke up in a puddle of sweat from a nightmare I had last night. It's something that happened at the end of my relationship with my ex that I haven't shared here on SR yet.

I had taken my ex to my friend's home one Friday night. My friend happens to be someone I consider to be one of my closest friends of 25 years. He is a gay male. My ex, my friend and a few of our other friends all went out to dinner and had drinks. I went to bed early in a twin bed in the spare bedroom at my friend's home. I was exhausted and a family member had just passed away. My ex decided to stay up and have several more drinks and take a barbituate to top it off.

The next morning I went downstairs and found my ex in my friend's bed with his shirt on and I crawled into bed with him and his pants were off. There was no one in bed with him but I thought it was weird. His phone was sitting there and I decided to take it and rummage through it. I know......what you're not supposed to do. I took the phone and left with it and left him there. I had a really weird feeling there would be drug related things in it. I understand that's not what we're supposed to do but I took it anyway. I knew there was a battery charger at my house.

Later there would be a call from my friend asking if I took his phone. He told me he was driving my ex home. I knew he didn't have a way to call me. Much later that day I would start getting emails from him saying he needed his phone. I told him I would drop it off. I had been napping. A few hours later I started to get crazy emails from his saying "he was so ashamed", "he had to tell me something bad that happened the night before", to please not tell anyone, etc etc etc.

To make this as short as possible, he basically tried to make me believe that my friend raped him while he was sleeping. He first told me that he woke up and my friend was on him and he felt what he thought was sperm all over him (sorry if this is graphic), that he yelled at my friend to get off of him, etc. I will skip the details.

Truth: he made it up, he had taken several adderall and vicodin that day when he got home, changed his story when I got over there a few times about what really happened that night. Truth: my friend got in bed, told him if he wanted to he could sleep there, my ex took his pants off before he got into bed with him, my friend was so annoyed when he couldn't sleep over my exABFs snoring (and i know he snores loud) that he went downstairs to the basement of his own home and slept there. That's where i saw him in the morning.

What makes me sick is that I actually believed my ex that day for a minute. My freind has forgiven me since that night. We've been friends for too long for him not to. I made ammends with him. He was so upset with me for believing such a horrid story about him. How in the world could I believe that my ex would just have been "raped" by one of my good friends, decide to just get up, go to the bathroom, go right back to sleep in the same bed (without putting any of his clothes back on by the way), never wake me up to tell me, continue to stay there all night, and then ask my friend for a ride home in the morning.

My god. He didn't even care that his lies could ruin a 25 year friendship. He would never tell the truth after that, defended his story, claim he even told his dad about it (lie), and watch me try and choose between his sick drug amphetamine induced lie and a lifelong friend.

Today, when I woke up from this dream, I felt pure hatred, disgust, and anger. All I could think is that I wanted revenge towards this evil sociopath. I was SO MAD. I've never felt this much anger in the last three years and believe me, I've felt some serious anger. Today just topped it. I went as far as to look up his court documents to order transcripts and look up his probation officers phone number. I was so ready for paybacks. I wanted to call his PO and tell him about all his lies. I wanted nothing more than this socioipath to be in jail. . . for his PO to know about every lie he's told the courts, about every reason he hasn't paid back restitution/court costs, and every drug he's done and I could prove it.

But, I didn't. I talked to my friend again tonight, apologized again eventhough he's already forgiven me. I spent time with my daughter who's now in bed. I'm getting this all out here on SR to feel better. It scared me how vengeful towards him I felt tonight. How much I hate him. I've run the crazy insane lies that he's ever told over and over in my head and I just can't believe that a human being could exist and walk around the world and lie like that. Lie about EVERYTHING, things that don't even have to do with drugs. Lie for no reason. Lie when it doesn't even benefit him to lie. Lie when it has no purpose.

I just want to scream right now. I despise him. I really do tonight. I just hope there are no more nightmares tonight.
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:48 PM
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I'm sorry to hear you are going thru this. I have bad dreams about my boyfriend who is an addict in recovery. I dream that he's going to use again and it makes me angry towards him. But it's done and over with. You should just move on and not concern your self any longer with what he's done. Karma always finds it way back around.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:05 PM
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Things buried deep often come up to the surface in our dreams, and it can be a way our higher power gets a lot of toxic destructive memories or emotions out of us, so we can process it all and feel cleaner afterward.

I think your intense anger is healthy and justified, madisonblake, and the key will be to contain it in a safe manner and release it onto paper or art or athletics or some safe way.

Your story is a valuable reminder of the addict mindf*** which many codependents minimize.

And I'm glad your long friendship survived your relationship with a drug addict. Many friendships do not.

Keep getting well and finding your ground again. You're doing hard recovery work, but it is very necessary, as so many of us here know, to your future happiness.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:29 PM
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And I'm glad your long friendship survived your relationship with a drug addict. Many friendships do not.

EglishGarden - this sentence really hit home. I am fortunate I have friends who've stuck by me through all of this. They love me genuinely. This story I posted was the closest that I let this addiction which wasn't even my problem to begin with get this close to ruining a friendship. I can see now first hand how addiction can ruin friendships for the non-addict. it's frightening how close I let it get and I'm fortunate I got out before I did lose a single friend.

However, I didn't spend enough time with them. Some I still owe an explanation to because one of my good friends doesn't even know I got back together with the ex for a few months. I just sort of distanced myself because inside I knew it wasn't right. Like a friend told me.........if you feel like you need to hide something from me, than it's something you know you shouldn't be doing.

I feel more calm than I did earlier. I was SO ANGRY, my God was I angry earlier. It helps to get it out on SR and it calms me to type it away and read some responses. It helps me to put the focus back on me.
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