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Maybe an affair, active addiction and setting boundaries.

Old 05-29-2013, 06:35 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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You asked for advice and the troops delivered!

I am happy to read you are taking steps towards your own recovery. Stay in safety & security mode.

I still worry about him being around the kids while he is clearly using...Kids take in so much even when things are good. When things are bad, they are clearly at risk for future problems based on what they are seeing and feeling in the presence of a drug-addicted parent. It is your apartment. Your only safe and loving space for your children, right? I suggest you have him leave immediately and after he has bought and taken a UA in your presence after a few months away, clean and sober, only then will you even consider whether he can be around the children.
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Old 05-29-2013, 06:45 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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So if I do the random drug test and it comes back positive he will be moving.

you already caught him red handed with a pipe AND dope. home tests are hugely unreliable, and not something that I personally would base my future and my kid's safety upon!
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Old 05-29-2013, 08:30 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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If he is not in recovery, which is 24/7, he is still active. Abstaining is not recovery. It took me a while to understand that. It has also taken me a long time to really understand what recovery was for both sides, addiction and codependency.
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:41 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Angelscry View Post
Thank you Kindeyes, you are so right about this. That is why I gave him an altimatum, I have always told him that I am going to buy a drug test to confirm that he is using again and he always said I could and I never did and that's why he carries on doing this, he knows I make empty promises. well not for much longer, I am buying the test, and told him if I test him randomly and it comes back positive he has to leave immediately.Thanks for your advice.
You said he was in active addiction. What's a test going to show that you already do not know?

Most of us have had challenges separating trying to control others versus setting boundaries. Ultimatums are nothing more than attempts to control other people. They lead to mutual resentments.

A boundary protects you and your children from the chaos of addiction. It does not seek to control others.
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Old 05-29-2013, 12:45 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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So if he's cheating on you sober it's okay? I wish you could see that you are worth more than that, you deserve to be treated with respect and love regardless of whether he is using or not.

Drugs don't excuse bad behavior.

Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 05-29-2013, 12:58 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by interrupted View Post
So if he's cheating on you sober it's okay? I wish you could see that you are worth more than that, you deserve to be treated with respect and love regardless of whether he is using or not.

Drugs don't excuse bad behavior.

Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.
I just love and have missed your posts (((interbear))).
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